Amina's Voice

Back at home, the family enjoys a large meal prepared by Mrs. Khokar, complete with Amina’s favorite labor-intensive Pakistani dessert, gulab jamun. When Mr. Khokar asks how things are in Pakistan, Thaya Jaan answers, “It’s getting more and more difficult each day [...] Things are getting so expensive—even basics like flour cost so much that it’s hard for poor people to afford simple bread. May Allah have mercy on them” (82). However, the Khokars are thriving: “The business is growing, and the kids are fine. Ahmed was admitted to medical school” (82).

Thaya Jaan unveils his gifts from Pakistan. From her cousins, Amina receives a kameez, bangles, a jewelry box, a religious wall-hanging. Her cousin Maryam has also enclosed an affectionate letter asking Amina to visit Pakistan soon. Amina confesses that she does not think of her cousins often, nor does she know them well: The last time she visited Pakistan was six years ago. She wishes that she could see her cousins more often, but it seems that the family trips to Pakistan are always delayed by one thing or another—including reports of Americans being in danger while traveling to Pakistan.

Thaya Jaan presses Mr. Khokar because he finds it improper that Amina and Mustafa do not speak Urdu. He tells Mr. Khokar that he should only speak Urdu in the home and not reply if Amina or Mustafa were to ask him something in English. Even though Mr. Khokar defends his choice to speak English and asserts that he is emphasizing Arabic rather than Urdu, Amina still feels that he is acting as though he is ashamed of her and Mustafa.

Thaya Jaan brightens when he learns of the Quran recitation contest. He promises to help Amina and Mustafa prepare for it, and Amina senses that her chances of wiggling out of the competition are dwindling. Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the adhan emanating from “the mosque-shaped clock in the den, filling the air with the call for the day’s last prayer” (86).

Thaya Jaan, being “both the eldest and the most knowledgeable of the Quran” (86), leads the prayers. Once the prayers begin and Amina hears her uncle’s musical and melodic voice, she remembers where her own musical talent comes from (as her parents have none to speak of). Thaya Jaan’s recitation moves her in a way that Iman Malik’s recitations do not. She imagines herself able to enunciate the prayers with as much grace and perfection as her uncle, and the thought enlivens her. She ends her own prayers with a special request: She asks Allah to help the impoverished in Pakistan find adequate nourishment, and for her to “finally be able to pronounce the big haa” (87).

At school, Emily comments that Soojin’s Korean bulgogi lunch smells good. Amina is stunned by this. She narrates: “ [Soojin] is acting like she’s forgotten all about […] the day Soojin brought kimchee in her lunch in third grade and Emily and Julie pinched their noses and created a huge scene about how terrible it smelled” (88). Emily has begun lunching with Soojin and Amina since they were all assigned to the same wagon trail group, and although Amina has been showing her displeasure with this, Soojin does not seem to be taking note.

After trying Soojin’s lunch and raving about how delicious it is, Emily says she wishes her parents could prepare similar delicious meals. Emily says that her mother never learned to make the Polish that her grandmother once prepared for the family, and that her mother’s recent return to her career as a lawyer leaves little time for home cooking. Soojin empathizes: her mother is a nurse, and the family also runs a restaurant, which makes life busy. She invites Emily over to dinner, and Amina feels a flash of jealousy. As Emily and Soojin continue to discuss their family lives, Amina realizes, with growing anxiety, that the two are becoming real friends.

After the girls eat, they begin to make their way toward a large maple tree that is Amina and Soojin’s regular spot. “Okay, so I guess we’ll see you later”, Amina offers to Emily, wanting to be alone with Soojin like normal (92). But when Emily asks to stay, Soojin obliges. Emily then says that there’s something embarrassing that she wants to discuss. “Then you don’t have to ask us”, Amina mutters (93). When Emily demurs and offers to discuss the matter with Soojin, alone, later, Soojin says, “No, no, whatever you can say to me, you can say to Amina. She’s totally cool, and you can trust her” (93). Emily then professes that she has a crush on a classmate named Justin. Soojin can see how he’s “cute.”

Amina, who also notices with alarm that Soojin is wearing lip gloss, balks at this usage of the word “cute,” which she is more accustomed to using in relation to things like puppies. She also recalls a time in first grade when Justin looked at the black hair on her legs and said, “you have grass growing on your legs” (95). Amina felt ashamed: “Since that day, I’ve always felt a bit gorilla-like around Justin and make it a habit to avoid him.” (96).

Soojin and Emily continue to discuss Justin, and Amina is dismayed to see that Soojin is sincerely invested in the conversation. She feels ignored and neglected by her best friend.

The following Sunday, at the Islamic Center, Imam Malik announces that there will be a carnival—complete with rides, games, and a dunk tank—on the day of the Quran competition. All of the children, including Amina, are excited when they learn this news. Amina also realizes that she must participate in the Quran competition if she wishes to attend the carnival. Although she has been faithfully practicing her Arabic and memorization with Thaya Jaan every evening after dinner, the looming competition is still causing her a great deal of anxiety. She confesses that she wraps up the study time as early as possible to go to her room and sing, which helps her to calm down. Once, she made a video of herself doing a Motown cover, but she deleted it very quickly.

After class, Amina overhears Mustafa and Imam Malik having a heated conversation. Amina continues to listen in as the details reveal themselves. Imam Malik has caught Mustafa in the company of friends who were smoking cigarettes. Mustafa maintains that he was not smoking but practicing basketball at the time. Imam Malik is very upset with Mustafa and feels that it is his duty to inform Mr. Khokar, as he is Mr. Khokar’s trusted friend. Mustafa begs him not to. He tells Imam Malik that his father would surely make him quit the basketball team if Imam Malik mentioned the incident to him, and the ensuing row would upset Thaya Jaan and mar his visit. Persuaded, Imam Malik says that he will keep the incident from Mr. Khokar if Mustafa promises to never let anything like it happen again. Mustafa agrees. He reminds Mustafa to regard the Islamic Center as his family. Mustafa thanks him and tells him that everything is fine.

After Imam Malik leaves and Amina joins her brother, she immediately bursts into tears. “I...you...smoking kills!” she sobs (106). Mustafa reassures her that he is not smoking . Amina promises not to tell their parents.

After dinner on Sunday, Amina sits down to practice piano. She thinks about the carnival, to which her father is inviting “local churches, synagogues, temples, and interfaith organizations” (108). She wonders if Soojin’s Korean church will be involved in the carnival this year, as it has been in the past. “Emily goes to church too”, she thinks fitfully.

Amina begins to play a medley of 1960s pop songs that her music teacher Ms. Holly has given her to practice. “I know you don’t want to sing in the concert, but it would be wonderful if you could play piano and accompany the singers” (109), she had said to Amina. Amina had wanted to reply that she wants to sing, but instead, she agreed to be an accompanist for the concert. She privately mulls this over, feeling that “it stinks to be stuck in the background while other people shine onstage, a soundtrack no one pays attention to, like the music piped into The Voice” (109). Her consolation prize is the fact that she does not get nervous and freeze up when she plays piano in front of people.

Later, as Amina is brushing her teeth, she overhears a conversation between Thaya Jaan and her father. Thaya Jaan says he should discourage Amina’s piano playing and singing. When Mr. Khokar says that Amina is very talented, and all of her music teachers have supported her gifts, Thaya Jaan responds that music is forbidden in Islam, and that Amina should be spending her time memorizing the Quran. Amina waits for her father to defend her with what he has told her: “music makes him feel closer to God and that [Amina’s] talent is a gift from Allah” (111). But instead, Mr. Khokar simply says “Yes, Bhai Jaan” (111). Amina retires to bed, crying. She regrets eavesdropping on the conversation.

Mrs. Khokar, who has noticed with some concern that Amina has been reclusive in the home, calls Amina downstairs. Amina has been feeling off-kilter and tired since the conversation she heard between her father and Thaya Jaan. Mrs. Khokar tells Amina to get ready for dinner: The family will be going to a Thai restaurant for dinner. Amina loves Thai food, and immediately brightens at the idea. However, when she finds out that Mustafa will not be joining the family because he had an away game, Amina’s heart sinks. She is not looking forward to a dinner with just the adults and is especially dreading having to spend time with Thaya Jaan, whom she has been avoiding.

Amina gets dressed for dinner, nonetheless. She puts on the nice yellow shirt that her mother has asked her to wear. She flips on her iPod out of habit, but then Thaya Jaan’s words echo in her mind: “Music is forbidden” (114). She shuts the music off.

Downstairs, her father says, “There you are, geeta” (115), using an affectionate nickname. Thaya Jaan chimes in: “Don’t you think galatee is a more suitable name for your daughter today?” (115). Amina flushes and moves past her uncle silently to get in the car. She can’t tell if her uncle is ridiculing her or not. When her mother joins her in the backseat, she asks her what “galatee” means, and her mother tells her that the word means “canary.” “You look like a little songbird (115)” Mrs. Khokar says. Amina remains withdrawn and quiet for the entire car ride.

The next morning, over breakfast, Mr. Khokar informs Mustafa that he will no longer be allowed to go to dinner following games with the basketball team. Mr. Khokar is very unhappy with the late hour that Mustafa returned the evening before: “We’d prefer you spend more time with people your own age who are a better influence. And with Yusuf and with other boys from the Islamic Center” (118). Amina thinks to herself, “If Baba only knew about the boys from the Islamic Center” (118). Mustafa, growing upset, tells Mr. Khokar that he no longer needs anyone to arrange play dates for him, but he relents before starting a real argument, which everyone knows would be a fruitless endeavor. Then he quickly excuses himself.

Amina takes the opportunity to ask her parents the question that has been weighing heavily on her. She says, “Baba, why does God hate music?” and tells her mother about the conversation between Thaya Jaan and her father. Mrs. Khokar makes her position clear: “God does not hate music. I don’t believe that, or that it’s wrong for you to play or to sing. Why would he give you so much talent then?” (121).

Amina wants to believe her mother but must first hear her father weigh in. Mr. Khokar explains that Thaya Jaan is an especially strict Muslim: “Some Muslims are extra careful and avoid anything that they think might be wrong in any way. Music at the time of the Prophet’s life was thought to be a harmful influence” (121).

Mr. Khokar says that he does believe that some music, such as that which contains vulgarity, is bad, but that Amina’s music is wonderful. Mrs. Khokar tells Mr. Khokar to speak to his brother, as they have a right to raise their children how they like: “What if Amina had never said anything to us and thought she was doing something wrong for loving music” (122). Mr. Khokar agrees and says that he will speak with his brother.

During social studies class, Bradley asks Amina if Soojin and Emily are best friends. Amina says they’re just working on the project together and secretly hopes that Soojin remembers she’s her real best friend.

Bradley hints that he would also like to work with Emily because he thinks she’s pretty. Amina takes Emily’s features (“neatly trimmed blond hair...held in place with a brown leather headband...nice, bright green [eyes]...an angular face with high cheekbones, and just the right number of freckles”) in one more time, and reluctantly realizes that Emily is pretty, although she’d never considered it before (124). She lets it slip to Bradley that Emily likes Justin, and then immediately tries to cover it up by saying that she doesn’t actually know who Emily likes, but that many girls like Justin. She then asks Bradley not to tell anyone about what she has said: Amina is concerned that she will prove Soojin’s assertion that Emily could trust Amina wrong, should Bradley repeat what she has said. Bradley initially sulks, but then assures Amina that he won’t mention Emily’s crush on Justin to anyone. 

During lunch, Soojin reminds Amina and Emily that the next day is October 20: Her family will be attending their swearing-in ceremony, she will be missing school. Emily suggests that they make an American flag cake decorated with blueberries, whipped cream, and strawberries, and Soojin happily agrees with the suggestion. Emily also offers Amina one of her homemade peanut butter cookies, which Amina has mentioned that she likes. Amina is surprised that Emily remembered.

Then, Luke begins to taunt Emily. He teasingly invites her to sit next to Justin, calling him her “boo” (128). Justin flushes and becomes angry. He moves to a different part of the table before insisting that he is not Emily’s boo. Emily plays it cool, brushing the whole thing off. Amina’s stomach churns as she wonders how long it will take for her to be uncovered as the secret divulger.

The three girls soon find a private place to talk, and Emily begins to cry. “How could you?” she asks Amina (131). Soojin immediately steps in, telling Emily not to accuse Amina, whom she has already stated could be trusted. Amina feels panicked and ashamed as, at Soojin’s prodding, Emily says that she didn’t tell anyone else—including Julie, with whom she doesn’t speak much anymore: “I can’t trust her like I do you guys”, Emily says (131). Amina’s heart sinks as she realizes that Emily truly regards both her and Soojin as real friends. Emily feels very embarrassed and sad that Justin has openly stated that he does not like her. As Soojin and Emily try to figure out who else could possibly have overheard the girls’ conversation, Amina haltingly details her conversation with Bradley: “I kind of ended up saying that Emily liked Justin. I didn’t mean to. Honest. It just came out of my mouth” (133).

Soojin explodes with anger at Amina. She’s never yelled at Amina before this moment. “I’m really, really sorry”, Amina says as she hangs her head (133). Soojin continues to console Emily. When Amina tries to smooth things over, Soojin tells her that she doesn’t want to speak to her at the moment. The two girls walk away from Amina, who now feels like she wants to cry. Amina spends the rest of the day in the nurse’s office. She doesn’t want to face Soojin and Emily.

It’s the weekend. Mrs. Khokar is preparing a dinner party in honor of Thaya Jaan. Thaya Jaan is helping Amina practice a surah, or chapter of the Quran, called Humazah. He explains, “This surah is a harsh warning from Allah to those who do backbiting of their brothers. God tells us that nothing, not even all of a person’s wealth, will save them from his wrath” (137). Amina asks for clarification about what backbiting means. Thaya Jaan says that backbiting is talking behind others’ backs.

Amina is stricken, and when her mother walks by, she immediately notices and asks what is wrong. “It’s my fault, Mama. I did a really mean thing to Emily, and I’m a backbiter, and I’m going to be punished,” Amina says (139). Mrs. Khokar takes Amina into another room, flashing “Thaya Jaan a warning look” as she goes (139).

Mrs. Khokar asks Amina if Thaya Jaan has said something to upset her again. Amina tells her the whole story about what has happened between her, Emily, and Soojin. And when Mrs. Khokar asks Amina if she revealed Emily’s secret out of malice or jealousy, Amina answers that, although it’s true that she doesn’t really like Emily, it was an accident. “And I’m starting to think that maybe [Emily’s] not that bad. I actually think she might be...pretty nice” (140). Mrs. Khokar assures Amina that she believes her. “You’re not a mean person, Amina, and you never have been. You just made a mistake. Everyone does sometimes” (140). She also assures Amina that the surah, although it is a harsh one, is not speaking about Amina, who wasn’t “being evil or trying to spread rumors about Emily” (140). She counsels Amina to “ask for forgiveness—from God and from your friends” (140). Amina says that she immediately apologized and left a long apology note in Emily’s cubby, but that neither Emily nor Soojin are speaking to her. Mrs. Khokar that she, too, would be upset if someone divulged one of her secrets.

Amina also tells her mother that Soojin’s family has just had their swearing-in ceremony. She omits the part about Soojin changing her name, which she thinks her mother will disapprove of. Mrs. Khokar suggests that Amina invite Soojin and her family to the carnival, which is taking place the following week. Amina is uncertain about this, as it makes her even more nervous to face the two girls on Monday. She also does not feel adequately prepared to recite a Quran passage in front of a large audience. Mrs. Khokar assures Amina that if Soojin is her real friend, she’ll forgive her.

Salma Auntie, the mother of Yusuf and Rabiya, is helping Mrs. Khokar prepare the special meal, while the children congregate in front of the television. After they get their food, they converse. Rabiya asks Amina what she is planning for her Halloween costume, and Amina hesitantly offers that she and Soojin may go trick-or-treating as ketchup and mustard bottles. She privately wonders if Soojin will ditch her this Halloween. And when the group comes up with silly ideas for an alternate costume that she could wear to complement Rabiya’s peacock costume, Amina’s mood brightens. She briefly pictures herself leaving her friendship with Soojin behind, but changes her mind: “I’d be miserable if we weren’t good friends and don’t know how I’d survive middle school without her” (146-147). She resolves to follow her mother’s advice, apologize, and hope for the best. 

It’s Sunday morning at 4:47 AM, and Amina can hear her parents stirring. Mr. Khokar is talking about police before leaving the house. Someone has broken into and damaged the Islamic Center. She’s thankful that no one was there when it occurred. She tells Amina that Sunday school will be canceled. Amina falls back into a fitful sleep in her parents’ bed, before being awakened by a call from Salma Auntie.

Amina listens to her mother’s conversation and learns that the Sunday school classrooms have been vandalized with graffiti and the mosque has sustained fire damage. Amina’s mother is shocked: “I can’t believe it, Salma...I just can’t believe this happened. Every time I hear about things like this in other places, I think, it’ll never happen in Greendale” (151). When Mrs. Khokar hangs up the phone, she tells Amina that they will be heading to the Center.

When Mrs. Khokar, Amina, and Mustafa arrive at the Islamic Center, the line of police cars surrounding the property deepens Amina’s alarm. They catch up with Mr. Khokar, who is devastated. Amina is stricken—she has never seen her father this upset. When he notices her expression, Mr. Khokar tells Amina not to worry. He tells Mrs. Khokar that she should have left the children at home to shield them from the sight of the damage, but Mrs. Khokar is fearful and wanted the children close. She tells Amina and Mustafa to go wait in the car.

After becoming antsy in the car, Amina and Mustafa decide to go back into the Center. They find the community hall in total disarray: “all the treasures from around the Muslim world are broken and scattered” (155). The walls are covered in racist slurs and curse words. Amina is gripped by a fear of the person who vandalized the center in such a horrible way. She feels dizzy and grasps onto her brother.

Amina and Mustafa continue to walk through the Center, and she sees that there is extensive damage to the library, her favorite room in the Center. Mustafa doesn’t want to see anymore, and they head back to the car. Mr. Khokar catches up to them and chastises them for leaving the car. He tells them sternly not to go into the mosque, as it is dangerous, and the police are still in the process of collecting evidence. Amina assures him they don’t want to see the mosque. She soon notices that a news van has arrived at the scene as well.

Mrs. Khokar distractedly tells her children that they are leaving. She speaks with her husband and Salma Auntie. Through their conversation, Amina learns that the repairs will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and that the police have opened an investigation. Mrs. Khokar says, “We’ll have to try to be grateful, but it’s hard. This just feels so violating, so terrifying. I thought we were part of this community […]” (159). Mustafa, who has been holding back tears, says, “We have to catch them. Whoever did this can’t just get away with it!” (160).

Imam Malik tells the group that it will be months before the Center can reopen. Amina thinks of the Quran competition, and is surprised by her desire to have it back, despite the weeks of dread she has felt about it. She thinks about the excitement and laborious plans for the carnival that have already been made and worked on, and “suddenly [feels] cheated and angry” (161).

On the way back to the car, Amina takes Mustafa aside. She whispers, “I was praying that I didn’t have to be in the Quran competition...And...look what happened” (161-62). Mustafa tells her it’s not her fault, it’s the fault of evil people. Mustafa also voices his anger and feeling that the whole thing is very unfair. “What kind of person would want to destroy a place where people gather to pray and learn?” (162). Amina doesn’t want to consider any of it. She yearns for a time before this terrible thing happened: “The heaviness that has settled around my heart is getting to the point where it is slowly being crushed. I’m afraid I will never feel normal again” (161).

Many people from the Islamic Center have gathered at Amina’s home. Together, they watch the news segment that covers the attack on the Center. Afterwards, Imam Malik tells the group that the police are working hard and seriously on the case. The adults then launch into a long, animated discussion, as the children, not wanting to retreat into the basement as usual, hover nearby. “Even with things like this, I’m still convinced there’s no better place to be a Muslim in the world than in this country,” says Hamid Uncle. To Amina’s surprise, Thaya Jaan agrees.

Amina shifts in her seat on the piano bench, and her elbow strikes a few discordant keys. Her father slyly asks her to play a song to brighten the mood. Amina hesitates, trying to gauge Thaya Jaan’s response to this suggestion. She decides to play Beethoven’s Sonata number 8. Playing the music puts a salve on all of the anguish she has been feeling, and Amina feels whole again. She turns around to find that everyone’s eyes have welled up with tears.