Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience

Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2021

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Summary

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Introduction, Chapters 1-2

Chapters 3-4

Chapters 5-6

Chapters 7-8

Chapters 9-10

Chapter 11-Conclusion

Key Figures

Themes

Index of Terms

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Chapters 5-6Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapter 5 Summary: “Places We Go When Things Aren’t What They Seem”

In this chapter, Brown examines the seven places we go “when things aren’t what they seem” (68). She starts by pointing out that to be human is to have competing emotions and contradictory thoughts. She cites research that shows that leaving room for complexity gives us credibility and better understanding. Each of the seven experiences in this chapter happen when things seem contradictory or uncertain.

First, Brown defines amusement as a “pleasurable, relaxed excitation” (73). Amusement is different from other positive emotions because it includes an “awareness of incongruity” (73), for example, a punch line we didn’t see coming. It also makes us feel playful.

Brown next explores feeling bittersweet, the “mixed feeling of happiness and sadness” (74). She shares a few examples of this feeling from her research, like “watching children grow up, leaving a job” (74), etc. Feeling bittersweet is different from ambivalence, where we feel neither happy nor sad—bittersweet is both at the same time, or perhaps both are under the surface and we feel them as one emotion. This is related to nostalgia, which is feeling bittersweet combined with “a sense of yearning and loss” (77). Brown warns that unchecked nostalgia can harm individuals when it leads to rumination, which is like worry focused on the past. This is different from reflection, which is psychologically healthy. Similarly, when nostalgia goes unchecked in broader culture, it can result in an “idealized and self-protective version of the past” (78). For example, Brown believes that nostalgia for the “good ol’ days” can reinforce systems of power, such as white supremacy, etc.

Finally, Brown examines cognitive dissonance, the “state of tension that occurs when a person holds two cognitions (ideas, attitudes, beliefs, opinions) that are psychologically inconsistent with each other” (81). When we see the inconsistency or implausibility of our beliefs, we often double down to deal with the cognitive discomfort.

Although some contradictions are impossible, Brown believes that embracing complexity is an important part of the human experience. While cognitive dissonance “pushes us to resolve the tension of conflicting information, paradox challenges us to straddle the tension of two conflicting elements” (82). Paradoxes are apparent contradictions and understanding them can lead to better awareness of self and the world. For example, in her research on vulnerability, the paradox that we are repelled by our own vulnerability but drawn to it in others has helped Brown understand deep truths about being vulnerable.

Lastly, Brown explores irony and sarcasm, which are not emotions but ways of communicating “in which the literal meaning of the words is different, often opposite, from the intended message” (85). Sarcasm is a kind of irony that is often meant to “ridicule, tease, or criticize” (85). While using irony and sarcasm can be fun, Brown believes it is often hurtful or misunderstood. It can also be used as armor against being vulnerable and honest about something “that actually requires clarity and honesty” (87).

Chapter 6 Summary: “Places We Go When We’re Hurting”

Hurting is a part of the human experience and can cause a variety of complex emotions. The first emotion Brown explores is anguish, “an almost unbearable and traumatic swirl of shock, incredulity, grief, and powerlessness” (91). This visceral experience is so intense that it can make us feel completely powerless or even physically crumble. Brown uses the example of receiving a phone call about a loved one’s trauma and contemplated suicide. This news was so earth-shattering to her that she dropped her purse, braced herself against the wall, and slid to the ground. Anguish makes it difficult to reengage with our bodies and lives, which is why it is important to address the trauma of anguish and get support. Brown reminds us that “[t]he human spirit is resilient, and just as we can reclaim our ability to breath and feel and think, we can rebuild the bones that anguish rips away. But it takes help and time” (96).

Next, Brown examines hope, hopelessness, and despair. Hope is when we have realistic goals and the plans and agency to achieve them. Brown believes hope is a “function of struggle” (101) developed through adversity. We are hopeless when negative life events coincide with “negative thought patterns, particularly self-blame and the perceived inability to change our circumstances” (101). This can be about a specific scenario or life more generally.

Despair is hopelessness about “a person’s entire life and future” (102). This pervasive experience makes us feel stuck in our suffering. Brown urges the reader not to ignore hopelessness or despair since they are reliable predictors of struggling with suicide. This is why Brown is intent on “cultivating a hope practice” and learning how to identify goals, plans, and agency in our lives. Brown cites research on the three Ps of resilience: personalization (recognizing outside factors instead of falling into self-blame), permanence (recognizing that our struggle has an end), and pervasiveness (recognizing that there can be parts of our life our pain doesn’t touch).

Finally, Brown differentiates between sadness and grief. Sadness can have positive aspects, which is why we enjoy sad movies. It can also make someone “evaluate their life and consider making changes” (108). Grief is a process made up of many different emotions, such as loss, longing, and feeling lost. In all these experiences, feeling connected with others and being able to tell our story is essential, which is why “group therapy and support groups [are] such healing experiences” (112).

Chapters 5-6 Analysis

In these chapters, Brown explores where we go when things are not what they seem and where we go when we are hurting. While the list of emotions Brown explores during these chapters range from amusement to despair, there are similar themes and takeaways that Brown returns to throughout.

This section demonstrates how emotions are complex and often quickly transition from one to another. For example, hurt (which Brown describes in Chapter 6) can happen when we are shocked or things seem dissonant. This can cause us to react with irony and sarcasm about how things aren’t what we expected. Understanding emotional nuance not only gives us language for what each of these unique experiences are; it enables us to map out our competing, conflicting, or evolving experiences and have better self-understanding. An emotion like nostalgia might feel similar to or be expressed like regret. By understanding which emotion we are experiencing, we can be more self-compassionate, reflective, etc.

Not only do these sections illustrate the importance of emotional granularity, but they also show the complex relationship between emotions and our physical experience. Throughout the book, Brown relies on descriptions of how emotions manifest in the body. She portrays how anxiety manifests physically, not just as “nervousness.” In Chapter 6, she describes emotions so powerful they can cause physical debilitation. Brown describes her moments of feeling anguish and how she literally dropped her purse and crumpled to the floor. The sculpture Dark Elegy depicts wives and mothers learning their loved ones were murdered in a terrorist attack. The characters are physically hunched over, clinging to their stomachs, etc. This further demonstrates the significance of emotions and understanding our experience.

These sections further reiterate the theme of leaning into discomfort and being curious about our experiences–even when it requires us to be vulnerable. With many of these emotions, like despair, hopelessness, etc., it can be easy to rely on coping and numbing strategies to keep us from feeling the discomfort. We might be sarcastic about something that is serious. While these numbing strategies aren’t always negative, Brown believes that being present with our discomfort can actually create more connectedness and strength in the long run. Brown believes that sarcasm only works as a fun outlet when “we’re very careful and don’t use sarcasm and irony to express emotions and thoughts that we’re afraid to talk about” (87).

Being honest and present with our pain is unpleasant, but Brown warns it is more dangerous to leave these feelings unchecked. She points out that hopelessness and despair are predictors of suicidal thoughts or attempts (103). Being present to those emotions is required to develop some positive emotions/experiences, such as hope. Brown believes that hope is not random but a practice that we can cultivate by “getting intentional about setting goals, thinking through pathways, and developing a strong belief in ourselves and what we can accomplish” (103). She draws on Martin Seligman’s research on resilience and argues we can learn strategies, such as personalization, permanence, and pervasiveness, to grow in our hope and resilience.

Furthermore, Brown shows how some “negative” emotions are actually good and something we feel drawn to. In Chapter 6, Brown explores how some sadness is good, which is why we enjoy sad movies or stories. In her research, people described this experience as “beautifully devastating, so relatable, what it means to be human” (106) or pointed out “[they] felt less alone” (106). Only by being present to feelings like sadness can we fully connect with our humanity. Brown says, “To be human is to know sadness. Owning our sadness is courageous and a necessary step in finding our way back to ourselves and each other” (107). Embracing painful emotions is an important part of empathy and connectedness.

Embracing discomfort can also allow us to grow and be more creative. In Chapter 5, Brown explores paradox and cognitive dissonance. While these might not be the same as sadness, they are uncomfortable. By leaning into the tension of paradox, Brown believes we can “reality-check” ourselves and our organizations: “It moves us away from oversimplifying how systems, organizations, and humans work” (84).