Black Girls Must Die Exhausted: A Novel

Needing to be with her friends, Tabby attends Alexis’s open house after all the other interested buyers leave. Laila also agrees to come over, which surprises Tabby. Laila has been quiet and distant recently. Tabby loves the home that Alexis has flipped, and she feels jealous of the family that will purchase it. When Laila notices Alexis’s missing wedding rings, Alexis briefly tells her about Rob’s infidelity. Laila feels angry that Alexis waited so long to tell her; she assumes that Tabby told Alexis about Lawrence and believes that her close friends harshly judge her, given Alexis’s circumstances. Laila yells at both of her friends, calling them names before storming out of the house. Sensing a secret, Alexis asks Tabby to explain Laila’s behavior. Tabby doesn’t want to betray Laila’s confidence. Her secrecy angers Alexis, and the two friends fight and name-call. Tabby marches out of the house. Later, she attempts to text Laila, but Laila doesn’t respond.

Tabby feels miserable about the animosity that exists between her and her friends. She compares their absence to Marc’s and realizes how easily she can carry on without him. Chris summons Tabby to his office, explaining that Scott has resigned. Chris would like Tabby to hire Scott’s replacement. He is restructuring, and all senior reporters will be responsible for their teams. Although Chris frames the conversation as an exciting opportunity, Tabby understands that the senior reporters will be pitted against each other for higher ratings. She feels unsure about managing this added responsibility while enduring infertility treatments. Chris mentions missing a parent/teacher conference as he rushes out of his office. Tabby believes that Chris wants her to make significant life sacrifices for work, just as he does. Tabby texts Alexis, updating her about work. Alexis replies, and both women apologize to each other. Alexis and Rob are attending couples therapy. Tabby confesses that she is worried about Laila.

Tabby visits Granny Tab at Crestmire; Ms. Gretchen is away on a senior group vacation, and Granny Tab is desperate for company. Tabby finds Granny Tab in the rocking chairs in the great room. Looking contemplative, Granny Tab tells Tabby about her husband, Tabby’s grandfather. The man has always been a mystery to Tabby, so she listens intently. Granny Tab explains that her husband had an alcohol addiction and was physically abusive. She made excuses for him for a while; military life was hard on him, and he experienced much discrimination, but she left him when he hit Paul. She traveled back to her hometown in West Virginia, only to experience an unsupportive family and community who refused to accept Granny Tab’s Black son. She returned to LA, and her husband gave her what little money he had before dying. She then attended community college to become a teacher. Granny Tab stresses the importance of finding optimism in challenging times, and her words resonate with Tabby, who believes that her grandmother looks lighter and younger after telling Tabby about her past.

During her visit with Granny Tab, Tabby answers a call from Mrs. Joon, Laila’s mother. With regret, Mrs. Joon informs Tabby that Laila attempted to die by suicide four days ago. She explains that Laila lost her job several months ago and has been living at home. Laila’s father found her unconscious after she ingested a significant number of pills. Laila is now recovering at the hospital, and Mrs. Joon asks Tabby to visit soon. Tabby prepares to visit Laila immediately, though she regrets leaving Granny Tab alone. Granny Tab reassures Tabby that Paul will arrive shortly to pick her up for dinner. Granny Tab expresses pride in Tabby for reconciling with her father and taking steps to build a relationship with her half-sisters. The women look forward to Crestmire’s senior prom next week.

Emotionally overwhelmed, Tabby drives to the hospital and composes herself before walking into Laila’s room. Laila sits in bed, her long hair now cut close to her scalp. Tabby holds Laila tight. Laila apologizes and admits to feeling ashamed and embarrassed—feelings that Tabby tries to alleviate by reminding Laila of their close friendship. Laila explains that she was pregnant with Lawrence’s child but experienced a miscarriage. Lawrence wanted Laila to get an abortion and refused to speak to her when she decided to move forward with the pregnancy. Laila admits to not feeling right on the night of the open house and apologizes for her “crazy” actions. Tabby states her belief that she, Laila, and Alexis are all “crazy” for good reason. Tabby asks Laila to reassure her that she won’t attempt to die by suicide in the future, and Laila agrees. She tells Tabby about her plan for developing a blog. Laila asks Tabby not to tell Alexis about her current situation, though she plans on having a conversation with their mutual friend soon. Tabby leaves Laila with Mr. and Mrs. Joon. Marc calls Tabby as she walks out of the hospital.

Tabby ignores Marc’s call, though she really wants to speak with him. She returns to her apartment, attempting and failing to sleep. She thinks about her grandfather and imagines her father as a small child, trying to protect Granny Tab. This reminds her of Marc, and she wonders if their histories have more in common than she realized. Tabby feels vulnerable knowing that her boldest friend has resorted to such drastic measures. She calls her mother. Tabby’s mom immediately hears something off in Tabby’s voice. Tabby explains that Laila is in the hospital, though she protects Laila’s privacy by not going into detail.

Tabby talks about her father, which clearly irritates her mother. When she shares her father’s realization that Tabby’s mother needed him to be the man he became after working through his traumatic past, Tabby’s mother agrees with that assessment. Upon Jeanie’s suggestion, Tabby considers visiting her mother in Washington, DC. She ends the call with lingering unresolved feelings, and sleep evades her.

On Saturday, Denisha tells Tabby about a tragic incident that recently occurred in the nearby View Park neighborhood, which is experiencing gentrification. Tabby is already familiar with the story, as her station covered it earlier in the week. An off-duty police officer shot a young Black man in the arm, mistaking his cell phone for a firearm. The man is expected to recover fully and will be released from the hospital soon. Denisha explains that Daequan, the victim, is a pre-med college student at UCLA and was helping his grandmother to move out of her house. She sold the house recently, capitalizing on the high real estate prices to help Daequan with his college expenses. A white neighbor called the police to report a potential break-in, labeling Daequan by his race. Now, Tabby calls Chris, asking for a team to report on the story. She wants to meet Daequan and interview him as he leaves the hospital. Chris greenlights Tabby’s story, but Tabby realizes that she will miss Granny Tab’s senior prom.

With regret, Tabby calls Granny Tab to cancel their evening plans. She can hear Granny Tab hide her disappointment, and Tabby realizes that most women handle their sadness in a similar way—by making it small for the comfort of others. However, when Tabby explains the content of her story, Granny Tab encourages Tabby to follow through, believing the truth within this news piece is critical. Tabby makes plans to visit her grandmother the following day. Tabby quickly assembles her team and researches View Park. She asks one of her juniors to call Officer Mallory to schedule an interview.