Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?: A Memoir

Nonfiction | Graphic Memoir | Adult | Published in 2014

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Introduction-Chapter 4

Chapters 5-9

Chapters 10-14

Chapter 15-Epilogue

Key Figures

Themes

Symbols & Motifs

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Tools

Beta

Discussion Questions

Symbols & Motifs

Family Dynamics

In Can‘t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?, family dynamics becomes a central motif that thematically links to Caring for Aging Parents. The memoir delves into how her family functioned during her childhood and how these dynamics shifted as a result of her parents’ illness and impending death.

Chast’s parents, Elizabeth and George, are a peculiar couple with contrasting personalities. Elizabeth is strong-willed, decisive, and prone to “volcano-like […] rage” (42), while George is meek, kind, and a chronic worrier. Despite these differences, however, they are deeply codependent and consider themselves soulmates. George relies on Elizabeth for transportation since he doesn’t drive, and when she’s taken to the hospital, they ride together in the ambulance. During Elizabeth’s hospitalization, George continuously asks about her. Chast reflects that her parents have been “each other’s only mirror for too long” (133), making it difficult for them to socialize with other residents at the assisted living facility. Elizabeth is overbearing, but George agrees with her on everything. For example, on Page 133, Elizabeth scolds George for not eating enough lunch, and he agrees with her and thanks her.

Chast’s relationship with her parents is complex. She feels closer to her father than her mother: “I was my father’s daughter, not my mother’s” (177). She has fond memories of how, during her childhood, he taught her card games, and they went on walks to the candy store together. However, she was frustrated by her father’s senility. When he lived with her while Elizabeth was hospitalized, he constantly asked about his bankbooks, leading to humorous yet exhausting interactions. Her relationship with her mother was more strained. She feared her mother’s temper, and their lack of closeness growing up saddened her. Even on her deathbed, Elizabeth refused to reconcile. Chast sat in her car and cried, “Why hadn’t she tried better to know me?” (202). Despite this frustration and resentment, Chast, as an only child, strove to care for her parents the best she could, highlighting the profound and complicated nature of familial bonds.

Gallant and Goofus

Symbolizing the duality Chast feels about Caring for Aging Parents are Gallant and Goofus. On Page 148, an illustration depicts these two children’s book characters as versions of Chast herself: Gallant and Goofus, “the daughter-caretaker edition” (148). Gallant is Chast wearing a halo, while Goofus is Chast with devil horns. Underneath the illustrations, the author explains that Gallant had forgiven her parents, treasured time spent with them, and didn’t worry about money. Goofus, however, still resented her parents for things that happened many years ago, wished she didn’t have to take care of them, and dreaded the idea of their moving in with her.

These characters underscore the challenges of caring for aging parents, representing the duality that Chast felt. She often felt frustrated and resentful about having to care for her parents. For instance, after her father died, Chast reflected, “I didn’t have [my mother] over because I just didn’t want to” (163). At other times, however, Chast felt grateful for the time she spent with her parents and tried to mend her relationship with her mother. Before Elizabeth passed, Chast told her mother she loved her. Chast’s conflicting emotions underscore the complexity of her experience and emphasize that having these dual thoughts was normal and didn’t make her a bad person.

Death

The memoir’s recurring motif of death looms over the narrative as it portrays George and Elizabeth aging. The author illustrates Death as the Grim Reaper, who first appears on Page 17, wearing the typical black cloak and wielding a sickle. Elizabeth and George refuse to discuss their future and insist that they will live to 100, to which the Grim Reaper retorts, “The Chasts are talking about me! Why, I’ll show THEM!!!” The Grim Reaper makes multiple appearances throughout the memoir, such as on Page 109, sitting on the couch in George and Elizabeth’s Brooklyn apartment. On Page 198 is a humorous illustration of the Grim Reaper being scared off by Elizabeth, who insists on holding onto life.

This motif thematically links to Emotional Avoidance as a Coping Mechanism, as evident in the memoir’s depiction of how Elizabeth repeatedly refused to discuss the possibility of death. When George was given a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) bracelet, she was still in full denial, shouting, “I DO NOT LIKE TO TALK ABOUT DEATH, AND I WILL NOT TALK ABOUT DEATH!!!” (159). In addition, she had a strong aversion to doctors, claiming that they have a “God complex” and that hospitals are “WHERE YOU GO TO DIE!!!” (60). Elizabeth did not accept death as a natural part of life that everyone has to face, including herself.

Throughout the memoir, Chast recounts how she came to understand death as it affected her family. She initially thought of death as a quick process, as she illustrates on Page 149. However, as she cared for her parents, she learned that death is “painful, humiliating, long-lasting, complicated, and hideously expensive” (149). She witnessed her father endure senility and then become bedridden for months; later, she experienced her mother in a limbo state, neither fully living nor dying. Chast encouraged her mother to “let go”: On Page 208 is an illustration depicting her as flying up to heaven to reunite with George. After she passed, Chast made a drawing of her, choosing to illustrate the reality of death. In the Epilogue, Chast explains that she keeps her parents’ cremains in her closet. This decision reflects that she accepts death rather than fearing it and illuminates her desire to keep her parents close, even in death.