Do Not Say We Have Nothing

Marie sold the apartment she grew up in, bought a “dilapidated apartment” by a shipping port in Vancouver, and gave herself over to studying mathematics (191) to finish her PhD. After several job offers, she chose to teach in Vancouver, obsessing over the loss of her mother and Ai-Ming.

Two years later, at 27, Marie visited Hong Kong for the first time. She spent all her time partying, living a life she had long forsaken for study. On the last day, she sought out the apartment window her father had jumped from, but couldn’t bring herself to ask the current tenants to let her in. She then tried to access her father’s official file, but found it would take weeks to retrieve it. After that, she tried to find his cemetery plot but that was another dead end. Marie left Hong Kong feeling completely out of sorts in her own life.

A month later, back in Canada, Marie received all her father’s official documents and leftover belongings. She read the letters, the autopsy, and a piece of music Sparrow had composed for him. After a while, Marie asked a trusted colleague, Yasunari, to arrange for her to hear the music Sparrow wrote for her father. Hearing the music was emotionally overwhelming for Marie, so she walked home and started recording her memories of Ai-Ming.

Marie married Yasunari as quickly as she divorced him, unhappy that she could not find fulfillment in her marriage. She felt suicidal and unmoored, even as she won award after award. A few years later, in 2010, Marie made her debut in mainland China, attending a “number theory conference in Hangzhou” (198). There, she became obsessed with the quirky and disturbing ways the Chinese government censored the internet for citizen use, “routinely delet[ing] 16 percent of all Chinese internet conversations” (198). Marie knew using the government-filtered internet to find Ai-Ming would be a challenge but she tried anyway. She went to the Conservatory but could find no remaining signs of her father or his friends. As she slept, she dreamt about The Book of Records.

Jiang Kai walked in on Zhuli practicing, causing her to fluster. Though she tried to shoo him away, he beckoned her “upstairs,” saying “Something has happened” (200). She quickly came to realize that posters and graffiti all over campus were mocking and slandering Sparrow, her uncle, the President of the Conservatory, and many others. Zhuli stood in disbelief, defending Ba Lute’s loyalty to the Party. Jiang Kai pulled her away from the crowd of jeering students to show her that the outdoor portion of campus was equally besmeared in propaganda. She changed the subject and asked him about Wuhan. He told her to go home—the Conservatory was no longer a safe place for her. She insisted she stay and continue to work on her performance, but Jiang Kai handed her some of the approved Party music and walked away. She wondered if he loved Sparrow or just his music and she wondered if Sparrow was going to be okay.

Zhuli walked home, suddenly realizing how long it must have taken Jiang Kai to prepare this handwritten sheet music for her. She acknowledged that “her love for music was a weakness,” but also knew she could not give it up (206). She stopped at a park where she watched a small boy command his mother. She listened to students shouting Party slogans in the distance and tried to listen to the music instead.  

Before she could get up, another student named Liu approached her and awkwardly asked her to help him learn a duet. She asked him, “What is happening to us?” (209). Liu responded by giving her an eloquent explanation about each generation’s impetus to find a new way to think. He then thanked her for letting him confide in her, mentioning that he found their fathers to be quite alike before departing. After he walked away, Zhuli wondered if she could “trust” him or anyone else for that matter (210).

Sparrow cautiously attended a political get-together Jiang Kai had invited him to. They teased him, read Schiller aloud, drank copious wine, lauded his musical talent, and happily accepted his help when he offered to mimeograph the illicit books they were reading. The Professor told Sparrow about how he came to care for Kai and about his wife’s disappearance twenty years prior (213). Sparrow got quite drunk and pondered the connection between music and freedom while the others discussed the current political situation. When the night wrapped up, they all exited at different times in order to not attract attention to their meeting.

Zhuli woke up the next day and headed straight to the Conservatory, which lay almost completely “deserted” (216). She looked for Sparrow, but went back home when she realized that even he was absent. At home, Ba Lute told her to cut her hair so she would not appear vain.

A few days later, Jiang Kai showed up in Sparrow’s office. They had tea and discussed the current political climate. Jiang Kai thought it might “blow over” and Sparrow insisted there was nothing to worry about though he could not deny the emptiness of the Conservatory (221). Jiang Kai expressed his fear that the Professor’s liberal approach to the Revolution would get them killed. He had been trying to escape to Leipzig, not wanting to stay in China anymore, but Sparrow deserved “to go abroad” more than he did because Sparrow worked harder and was more talented (223). Jiang Kai next expressed his deep connection to Sparrow, saying, “I know we’re the same” (223). The praise and political talk made Sparrow nervous, so he put on some Bach, but Jiang Kai started lamenting the volatility of the Party again. Neither of them could help but be worried about the future. Jiang Kai asked if he could read The Book of Records some day and Sparrow agreed. After some time they “fell asleep on the floor” but only after a long night of nervously touching and “caress[ing]” each other (226).

The next day, they invited Zhuli to attend the illicit “study group” with them (226). They read aloud to each other, smoked, and welcomed Zhuli with zest. They discussed different ways to avoid Party censorship, but Jiang Kai got upset because the Professor was “endangering everyone” with his liberal rhetoric and his unchecked “privilege” (230-1). Jiang Kai left in a huff, so the Professor sent Sparrow after him and a group member named Ling offered to walk Zhuli home. Ling and her aunt, Old Cat, gave Zhuli several texts to take home and read, among them an essay written in her father’s handwriting, and a sheaf of Bach music they said had been left at Old Cat’s door by some “mysterious sender” (233). Old Cat went on to mock Jiang Kai for being too “cautious” which made Zhuli question Old Cat’s intelligence, but Old Cat quickly defended her stance, saying that victims of the Party have little control over their fates (234). Zhuli could not understand Old Cat’s flippant attitude toward the Party but Old Cat dismissed Zhuli’s concerns, saying she was “old” and not about to change (235). Zhuli remained fearful despite Old Cat’s assurances and wondered if class privilege prevented Old Cat from seeing the danger as it really was.

Sparrow chased down Jiang Kai, but Jiang Kai held firm to his decision, explaining that he could no longer associate with the Professor knowing it might endanger his life. Given that so many people had died so he could stay alive, he felt he needed to do more to survive. As Jiang Kai pedaled away, Sparrow was overcome with love and physical desire for his friend. Headed home, he came across a crowd beating and verbally abusing an old man for teaching illicit books in his classes. He was entranced by the violence until he noticed Zhuli in the crowd. She tried to go to the Conservatory to practice, but Sparrow led her home instead. At home, Ba Lute was pacing, anticipating his impending capture. When they tried to point out his lifelong loyalty to the Party, he said it no longer mattered what he had done, only what the others wanted to do. Zhuli revealed to Sparrow that the other students had taunted her and tried to take her violin. Jiang Kai was among the students who yelled at her; he seemingly led an attack on her friend Tofu Liu. Sparrow defended Jiang Kai, denying the possibility that Jiang Kai could take such actions. Zhuli confessed she felt mentally discombobulated and begged off to bed, but not before pointing out that she and Sparrow were sitting ducks.

The next morning Zhuli went to the deserted Conservatory where she thought she heard “moaning” (248). Next, she headed to the oil ration line where she felt overwhelmed with guilt for choosing to do what she wanted rather than what the family needed her to do. In line, she grew angry and sad as she pondered the Party’s hypocrisy. As she waited, she heard a clamor. Before she knew it, a group of Party protestors beat her, called her a “demon,” and cut her hair (253). She blacked out and did not wake up until Jiang Kai carried her home. At home, Sparrow washed her, and the Red Guards came to threaten their family again.

She woke a few mornings later to find Ba Lute had made Flying Bear and Da Shan make posters mocking Zhuli and her parents. He had been subjected to multiple “struggle sessions” which left him bruised and broken, but still he had it better than many other people in the town, including Zhuli’s mentor, Professor Tan (257). Sparrow informed her that the Red Guard had smashed her violin and that the Conservatory had closed indefinitely. She needed to leave town to go live with Ba Lute’s cousin. Zhuli refused to leave since nowhere was safe. She asked him to read to her from The Book of Records.

Meanwhile, Wen had been living on his own as an escapee for two long, impoverished years. Finally, came upon one of Swirl’s altered copies of The Book of Records, and after a bit of searching, found her and Big Mother Knife’s residence. Swirl and Wen left on the night he showed up, hoping to seek asylum in Mongolia. Big Mother Knife wrote to Zhuli as soon as she felt it wouldn’t endanger Zhuli’s parents to do so and told her about their plan. She told the town Swirl had drowned; with little investigation, Swirl was officially dead.

Both Sparrow and Zhuli fell into the grip of the Party. Sparrow was sent into isolation for days at a time, while everyone, including Jiang Kai, mocked Zhuli. One morning, Zhuli headed to the Conservatory where she listened to Bach in Sparrow’s deserted office before committing suicide. Sparrow found her and carried her home. Ba Lute cried and screamed when he saw her, but Sparrow drowned it all out and tried to concentrate on the former joy he once felt in Jiang Kai’s arms.