Educated: A Memoir

Westover documents memories of the summer of Gene’s recovery. Even though he was bedridden for two full months, it was clear that he was going to live. Westover worried he would be unhappy with his new quality of life. In addition to being bedridden, Gene had “transformed […] from lecturer to observer” (228). His throat hurt too much to talk, so he listened to Westover and Audrey’s chatter, learning the details of Westover’s life in the process. For the first time ever, he showed interest in her classes, and Westover felt like it was a new beginning.

During Gene’s recovery, Shawn and Emily announced their engagement. The next morning, they decided to go on a 20-mile horse ride and camp out overnight. Westover wanted to talk to Emily, so she asked to join them on the trip. After an evening by the campfire, Emily and Westover went to bed in their shared tent. Emily implored Westover for information about her fiancé: “I want to talk to you about Shawn […] I know he’s got some problems” (230). Westover agreed, but then Emily argued that Shawn was more spiritually gifted than other men, so Satan saw him as a threat and made him violent against his will. She said she knew Shawn would hurt her and that she was afraid. Westover told her she should not marry someone who scared her, but the words felt empty leaving her mouth.

Westover left Idaho and returned to BYU a few days before fall term began. She drove to Nick’s apartment, and he immediately asked how her dad was doing. He knew Gene was burned but knew nothing of the severity of the accident or any other details. Despite his genuine concern, Westover avoided letting him in and told him nothing.

Shawn and Emily’s wedding was soon after the start of fall term in September. Westover attended and was anxious the entire ceremony. She even threw up in the women’s restroom. When Emily said “I do,” Westover lost all hope. She returned to BYU and, a week later, broke up with Nick. She feared she would never be able to break the hold that Buck’s Peak had on her, and she had never once let Nick see that part of her life. She felt it was too late to confide in Nick about that part of her, so instead, she said goodbye. 

Westover’s college education finally starts to make sense to her. In the fall of her junior year at BYU, she stopped taking courses in her major—music—to take geography, comparative politics, and history courses. When she saw those course titles in the catalog, she had “felt something infinite” and “wanted a taste of that infinity” (233). By the end of the semester, “the world felt big” (233) to Westover, and it was hard for her to imagine ever returning home to the mountain.

However, she felt conflicted about her desire to study history and politics because they were not “womanly” subjects. When she asked her friend Josh if he would still study law if he were a woman, he replied, “If I were a woman, I wouldn’t want to study it” (234). Josh explained that a woman’s lifelong ambition is for children, not a career. Westover asked what would happen if he were a woman and felt the very same desire to be a lawyer that he felt as a man. Josh replied, “I’d know something was wrong with me” (234).

Westover went to talk to her Jewish history professor, Dr. Kerry, hoping he could explain why she had unwomanly ambitions. During the conversation, Westover blurted out that she only heard about the Holocaust a few semesters before. He asked if they taught it at the school she attended growing up, and Westover admitted that she never went to school due to her parents’ beliefs about the government and education. Dr. Kerry encouraged her to apply for the study abroad program at Cambridge in England. Westover decided it would be worth it to find out what she is capable of and applied.

After Christmas, she received a rejection from the study abroad program at Cambridge, but Dr. Kerry convinced them to reverse their decision. Westover immediately began the process of getting a passport, which proved extremely difficult since she had no birth certificate. Her attempts were rejected until her aunt visited the courthouse and swore an affidavit saying that Westover was who she said she was.

But life continued on in Buck’s Peak, too. In February, Emily gave birth to her and Shawn’s first baby at only six months pregnant. The baby nearly died and had to receive medical care at the hospital. Nevertheless, Gene and Faye said that God had orchestrated the birth just as “He” had orchestrated the explosion because “God gives His gifts in whatever way He chooses” (239). 

Westover reflects on her first memories of Cambridge. She was in awe of Cambridge and felt out of place there. But when her class was invited to tour the chapel at King’s College, Dr. Kerry observed the ways in which Westover was different from the other students and perceived them as positive. On the roof of the chapel, Westover walked easily along the ridge of the roof in forceful winds. Dr. Kerry noticed and said, “You’re not afraid of falling” (242). He compared her to the other students:

The other students were relaxed until we came to this height. Now they are uncomfortable, on edge. You seem to have made the opposite journey. This is the first time I’ve seen you at home in yourself. It’s in the way you move: it’s as if you’ve been on this roof all your life (242).

In a way, Westover thought, she had. Westover then met with her faculty supervisor the second week of the term. Professor Steinberg was a Holocaust expert and was much celebrated for his writings. He asked Westover about her education, and she begrudgingly admitted she had never been to school. He smiled: “How marvelous. It’s as if I’ve stepped into Shaw’s Pygmalion” (244). When Westover wrote her first paper for Professor Steinberg, he told her it was one of the best essays he had read in his time at Cambridge. The praise made her uncomfortable; she was used to being treated cruelly and had no idea how to receive kindness. At her next meeting with Professor Steinberg, he offered to help her get accepted to any graduate institution she chose, even Harvard or Cambridge itself. Westover said she would not be able to afford graduate school, but Professor Steinberg said he would worry about that.

At the end of semester dinner, Westover snuck out early, feeling out of place. Dr. Kerry followed her out. He told her she “acts like someone who is impersonating someone else” (247), but that she had as much right to be there as anyone. Westover did not know how to explain that the reason she could never come back to Cambridge was because it exposed how violent and degrading her life at Buck’s Peak was. Dr. Kerry was persistent and urged her to believe in herself: “The most powerful determinant of who you are is inside you” (248).

Westover documents memories from her last days at BYU. Back for her last semester, she applied for a scholarship to Cambridge at Professor Steinberg’s behest. She also found herself struggling with her faith. She began thinking about how the practice of polygamy had hurt real women—including her ancestors—in this life, which caused her to reject the belief that polygamy could be a part of the afterlife. When her parents visited BYU, she was even more astonished by the things she used to believe in. While eating dinner at a restaurant, Gene lectured loudly about various conspiracy theories, socialism, and the end of the world. Westover was embarrassed. At home at Buck’s Peak, she easily pretended to be her old self; at BYU, she did not know how to be that person. After her parents left that night, she wrote in her journal: “It’s astonishing that I used to believe all this without the slightest suspicion. The whole world was wrong; only Dad was right” (253).

As her senior year drew to a close, Westover learned she won the scholarship to Cambridge. Local news stations wanted to interview her; during the interviews, she avoided answering questions about her home and upbringing. When she went home a month before graduation, her father scolded her: “You didn’t mention home school. I’d think you’d be more grateful that your mother and I took you out of them schools, seeing how it’s worked out. You should be telling people that’s what’s done it: home school” (255). He said he was looking forward to her graduation so that he could say a few choice words to her professors. Westover forbade him from saying a word.

Her parents did not show up to any of the pre-graduation festivities because Gene’s feelings were hurt. Over the phone, Faye said that neither she nor Gene would come to the graduation unless Westover apologized. She apologized and said her dad could say whatever he wanted at the ceremony. They still missed most of it, and Westover did not see her parents until after the ceremony was over.

Gene and Faye stayed at BYU so that they could take Westover to the airport for her flight to Cambridge. They walked her to her gate, and when Westover looked back at Gene while she was walking away, she saw “love and fear and loss” (256) on his face. She knew why he was afraid: If The End came while she was abroad, there would be nothing he could do to save her.