Educated: A Memoir

Westover details the family’s issues with Shawn. The day before she left to go back to England, Westover visited her sister. She brought a porcelain tea set to give to Audrey’s daughters. They began to fight over it, so Westover took it away, saying: “If you act like a child, I’ll treat you like one” (269). Audrey pointed out that Shawn used to say that. It occurred to Westover that perhaps Shawn did the exact same things to Audrey that he did to her years before.

Westover felt transformed when she returned to Cambridge; she made new friends and went on new adventures. But when she returned to her dorm from a trip to Rome that semester, she found an email from her sister about Shawn. Audrey said she wished she had done something to stop Shawn before he abused Westover the same way he abused her. She decided it was finally time to confront him and put a stop to his behavior. Audrey concluded the email: “I am doing this with or without you. But without you, I will probably lose” (272).

Although Westover wrote back and asked Audrey to wait to confront Shawn till she could come home and help her, Audrey did not wait. She immediately showed Westover’s email to Faye, to prove to her that Audrey was right about the whole thing. Faye messaged Westover and admitted knowing that Shawn was abusive all along. She also admitted to knowing that Gene was bipolar, and that it had hurt the family. When Faye apologized for not protecting Westover from the abuse, she felt grateful. When they spoke about the issue over the phone, Faye said that Shawn was being dealt with, that she told Gene and that Shawn would get help.

Westover put the issue out of her mind and focused on her life at Cambridge. She began sharing about her family, about her brilliant midwife and entrepreneur mother and her eccentric, junkman father; her version of her life, as she told it to her new friends, was a fabrication. She saw her past as interesting, as the stuff of good stories for dinner parties. She also felt that if she told the rose-colored version of the way things were enough times, it would become true. 

Westover remembers witnessing changes in her parents’ relationship. That autumn, she flew home to Buck’s Peak to say goodbye to Grandma-down-the-hill, who was dying of cancer. Her friend from BYU, Drew, picked her up at the airport, went with her to the hospital, and came to her parent’s house with her. Westover remembered the last time she brought a boy—Charles—home with her. She was apprehensive but put the memory out of her mind.

The house was bustling with Faye’s employees when Westover arrived. She searched through the crowded rooms for Faye and Gene; she found Faye hiding from the noise, and Gene sitting at his new desk, in the middle of the chaos, bragging to someone on the phone about how doctors cannot help with diabetes, but the Lord can. Westover introduced Faye and Gene to Drew, but they were very distracted with the responsibility of tending to the business, so Westover took Drew up the mountain instead. When they returned, Faye had dismissed all the workers. Grandma-down-the-hill had died.

Gene lost his appetite for the essential oils business and became extremely irritable after his mother passed away. The day of the funeral, he yelled at Faye about the lunch not being ready, about the dishes not being done, and about the grandchildren being noisy. Although overwhelmed, Faye quietly handled everything. When it came time to write thank-you cards to people who sent flowers and condolences, however, Faye suggested that the least Gene could do would be to write them himself since she was his mother. Gene did not agree: “That’s wifely work. I’ve never heard of a man writing cards, (28). Faye replied angrily: “Then you should do the husband’s work” (28). In addition to running the house and taking care of the family’s domestic needs, she had been the primary breadwinner for years. Gene and Faye yelled at each other for an hour. Westover had never heard them fight like that before.

When she came down to the kitchen the next morning, Westover found her father attempting to make his own breakfast—something she had never seen him do before. She searched for her mother and found her shut in the bathroom downstairs, sobbing. Just as she had never seen her father making his own breakfast, Westover had never seen her mother break down sobbing. Faye pulled her into a hug; Westover held her while she cried. 

Westover remembers the beginning of a new period of drama concerning Shawn. When it was time for Westover to leave Buck’s Peak and go back to Cambridge, Audrey asked her not to go. She said that Shawn was too strong for her to confront him alone, and that Faye and Gene had not believed them. Audrey was positive if they asked Gene for help, he would call both she and Westover liars. Westover assured her that everything would be fine, that Faye and Gene had changed.

Drew came with Westover to Cambridge to begin a master’s program. She told him about her conversation with Audrey; he was the first boyfriend she had confided in about her family. However, when Westover talked about her family, she acted like all the conflict and abuse was in the past.

As the semester continued, Westover decided to examine Mormonism as an intellectual movement for a piece of original research so she could qualify for a PhD. She became happier in Cambridge, feeling closer to her new friends than her own family. This made her feel as if she had betrayed Buck’s Peak, but she did not want to go home. Despite her desire to stay at Cambridge, Westover bought a plane ticket home for Christmas. She found Buck’s Peak unchanged. Her father was ill, spending his days in bed, and Faye continued working hard at her essential oils business.

On her third night home, Shawn came to the house. He asked Westover if she would like to go for a drive and get a milkshake. She felt nervous but told herself Shawn had changed. The mood was relaxed while they drove into down, but on the way home, Shawn pulled into the empty church parking lot and stopped the truck: “You talk much to Audrey?” (285). Westover responded that she hadn’t. Shawn then told her that Audrey was “a lying piece of shit” and said he would shoot Audrey, but he did not want to waste a good bullet on a “worthless bitch” (286). Westover was paralyzed with fear. Shawn changed the subject abruptly, asking if Westover felt like watching a movie. She said nothing the entire drive home, while Shawn chatted cheerfully about which movie to watch. 

Westover remembers the issue with Shawn escalating to a terrifying degree. That night, Westover told her dad that Shawn threatened to kill Audrey. He asked for proof, insisting on reading Westover’s journals that documented different incidents involving Shawn: “What the hell am I supposed to think if you ain’t got proof?” (288). Westover said he did not need proof because he had witnessed Shawn’s abusive behavior himself. Faye stared silently at the floor, saying nothing. Westover realized that her belief that her parents had changed was an illusion. She began sobbing and ran to the bathroom to hide because Gene would not take her seriously while she was hysterical.

When Westover emerged from the bathroom, she said she was going to bed and that they would talk about it tomorrow, but Gene said no. He already told Shawn what Westover said. When Shawn arrived, he was calm. He walked over to Westover, placed a knife in her hand, and goaded her: “If you’re smart, Siddle Lister, you’ll use this on yourself. Because it will be better than what I’ll do to you if you don’t” (290). Westover vehemently denied that she told Gene anything, that he must have misheard. Gene began lecturing on the ways that women need to be instructed in their habits by men. At the end of Gene’s lectures, Shawn apologized. He and Westover laughed and hugged like they always did at the end of a fight, but Westover’s smiles were fake. The next morning, Westover made a run for it. She told her mother she would be back in a couple of days.

Reflecting on the confrontation with Shawn weeks later, Westover felt she made a thousand mistakes, that she “[drove] a thousand knives into the heart of her own family” (292). Only much later did it occur to her that she was not the only one who had done damage that night. And it was not till over a year later that Westover realized that her mother had lied: She never confronted Gene about Shawn’s abusiveness, Gene had never confronted Shawn, and Gene had never promised to help her and Audrey.