Felix Ever After

Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2020

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Summary

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapters 1-3

Chapters 4-6

Chapters 7-9

Chapters 10-12

Chapters 13-15

Chapters 16-18

Chapters 19-21

Chapters 22-25

Character Analysis

Themes

Symbols & Motifs

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Chapters 4-6Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapter 4 Summary

Word of the gallery wall incident spreads to Dean Fletcher, but Felix doubts an investigation will go anywhere and rejects her help. Ezra and Felix leave school early and discuss everything Declan said.

Felix reflects on how suddenly Declan started bullying them after he broke up with Ezra. As the two talk about ways to destroy Declan’s life, Felix settles on the idea of catfishing Declan with a fake Instagram account in hopes of finding out a secret to publicize. Felix envisions digging up something that would make Declan unable to apply for the Brown scholarship. As much as Felix hates Declan, he considers him a great artist, even better than himself. Felix makes an account with the username luckyliquid95 and begins to comment on Declan’s posts. Felix chooses this username because Felix means “lucky.”

Ezra and Felix get high, and Ezra expresses anxiety about whether he’s doing what he’s meant to be doing in life. This annoys Felix, who thinks, “Ezra gets to have a midlife crisis at the age of seventeen because of his privilege and his family’s wealth. Me? I have to figure out what I want to do and work my ass off for it” (53). Felix says that Declan and Ezra have natural talent, but because he hasn’t been in love yet himself, he lacks the emotional intensity that great artists have. As they get ready for bed, an anonymous account with the handle grandequeen69 messages Felix, “Did you like the gallery?” (57).

Chapter 5 Summary

Felix drafts an email to his mom about questioning his gender identity and being embarrassed about coming out again. He also tells his mother about the gallery wall:

It’s kind of ironic, I guess, that I’m writing to you about all of this, when you’re the one who’s hurt me the most of all—yes, even more than the gallery… it’s like I’m constantly trying to prove that I deserve love—but how can I, when even my own mom doesn’t love me? (59).

Felix adds content to his luckyliquid96 account to make it look more real. In thesis class that day, Declan takes up two tables, and Felix feels like everyone around him is only there because they want to sit with Ezra. His classmates discuss astrology and destiny, which makes Felix think about his own life. He becomes anxious about his portfolio; he usually paints portraits, but he’s not sure what the through line for his portfolio should be. Felix spirals into his worries, fretting about how all his work will go down the drain and how disappointed his dad will be. He leaves class.

When Felix gets home, his father is annoyed that they haven’t seen one another in a while. His father thinks that Felix and Ezra might be seeing each other too much. Felix says that he spends so much time at Ezra’s because Ezra doesn’t deadname or misgender him. His dad says that he is trying to understand and needs patience, but Felix doesn’t think his identity is something that needs “understanding” and leaves the house.

Chapter 6 Summary

Felix sleeps on Ezra’s stoop until he comes home. Ezra throws a party to cheer Felix up, but Felix just watches while everyone else dances and kisses. He feels like all he ever does is watch: “It’s like it’s too much for other people—me having brown skin, and being queer, and being trans on top of that… or, maybe that’s just what I tell myself because I’m too afraid to put myself out there” (74).

Felix takes a photo of the party that he likes but is too anxious to post, so he puts it on his luckyliquid96 account. After a noise complaint, everyone leaves except Marisol, Leah, and Austin. Ezra and Austin are flirting and kissing. Marisol taunts Felix, commenting that he never got the chance to kiss her. Leah asks Felix if he’s into guys, assuming that Ezra and Felix have gone out. Felix says he is. Everyone in the apartment is queer. They all talk about gay TV shows and childhood crushes. Felix wishes he’d known he was trans earlier; he remembers having crushes on guys but being unable to tell if he wanted to be them or be with them.

After everyone leaves, Felix sees that Declan commented on Lucky’s post. Ezra is worried that this catfishing will get them in trouble and that Felix will obsess over destroying Declan rather than focusing on his portfolio. Felix, posing as Lucky, messages back and forth with Declan about art. Both boys feel that they have not experienced enough emotions to make art. Felix explains that he wants to experience falling in love. Declan responds that he wants to fall in love too.

Chapters 4-6 Analysis

Revenge and anonymity become prominent themes in these chapters. As Felix builds his fake Instagram account to get revenge against Declan, whoever was behind the gallery wall anonymously messages Felix as well. Emboldened by anonymity, Felix’s troll unleashes violent, transphobic thoughts without fear of social or academic consequence. Felix takes a different approach, as he must build intimacy with Declan to get a secret out of him. However, Felix also finds security in anonymity, as he reveals things that he doesn’t tell others, such as the fact that he really wants to fall in love. When posing as Lucky, Felix can forget his fears and anxieties; Lucky is free from the social pressure that Felix usually feels.

During Ezra’s party, Felix is self-conscious about being a wallflower and about his inexperience with love. He thinks, “What is it about me that no one likes, that no one wants? It’s like it’s too much for other people—me having brown skin, and being queer, and being trans on top of that… or, maybe that’s just what I tell myself because I’m too afraid to put myself out there again, too afraid of being rejected and getting hurt. Maybe it’s a little bit of both” (74). This quote illuminates themes of internalization and blame. Felix lives in an anti-Black, anti-trans world, and only a few chapters in, there are already multiple examples of Felix’s classmates ostracizing him for his identities. Although Felix recognizes this racism and transphobia, he still internalizes the hatred and blames himself for his social anxiety.

Felix’s character flaws and anxieties are developed in these chapters, especially his lack of self-worth and inability to ask others for help. As the previous quote shows, these character traits are shaped by the way the world treats him. For example, Felix believes that he must discover the identity of his troll by himself because he does not trust the school administration, partly because the father of his bully sits on the school board. Another example is when Felix overthinks the simple act of posting a photo on the internet, thinking to himself, “It feels too vulnerable. Too lonely. People right here at this party could check their phones and see it. It’d be weird” (74). Felix is scared to do anything that could draw attention to himself, worried about how others will perceive him. A third example occurs in Chapter 4 when Felix claims that Declan and Ezra have natural talent because they know love, while he has to work harder at art because of his inexperience. He believes that intense emotions are a prerequisite for meaningful art, drawing a connection between love, talent, and worth.

Ezra’s character traits are developed to complement Felix’s. Ezra is a much less anxious character who is able to help Felix see his life rationally; it is clear that Ezra has the capacity to think with a level head because he is rich and does not need to constantly worry about the future. Ezra validates Felix, responding to Felix’s claim that he is not naturally talented: “You need to relax, Felix. You’re always second-guessing yourself. Your shit is good” (55). Though Felix does not yet realize it, Ezra’s consistent support is a demonstration of love. In addition to learning to value himself as he is, Felix must also learn to recognize and appreciate the love that already surrounds him.