Felix Ever After

The scene where the students debate whether art can be separated from the artist centers the theme of accountability. This conversation elicits a strong reaction from Felix, who was just violated by an anonymous student. The intent of the gallery wall display was to promote the transphobic beliefs of the student, or “artist.” Conversely, there is Declan. Felix does not like Declan as a person—as an artist—but loves his art and can separate it from Declan’s personhood because the subject matter is not harmful. That even Felix’s view changes depending on context demonstrates the complexity of the issue.

This idea of accountability recurs in Felix’s revenge ploy and in his personal relationships. Felix did not report the gallery wall because he did not think there would be any real accountability; aware that Declan’s father gives money to St. Cat’s, Felix doubts the school would ever expel Declan. Felix is not used to being supported and so he does not expect support from others; thus, he takes matters into his own hands. The issue of accountability also intersects with Felix’s sense of self-worth. Declan’s father donates to the school, and so Felix believes the administration will prioritize Declan because his presence ensures monetary investment. Likewise, when Felix avoids holding his father accountable for deadnaming and misgendering him, it’s because he feels like he can’t ask his father for more since he already provides Felix with so much.

After Declan apologizes to Felix for bringing up the gallery in class, and as Felix-as-Lucky learns more about Declan, it becomes harder for Felix to hate him. Felix wants to use Declan as a scapegoat, but learning that they have the same desires and anxieties as one another humanizes Declan. This establishes a contrast with the anonymous user who sends hateful messages to Felix, showing that anonymity can help just as it can hurt. Both Felix and grandequeen69 use anonymous handles to conceal their identities. This cover grants Felix and Declan a secure space to be vulnerable without fear of judgment. However, it also empowers grandequeen69 to bully Felix without fear of discovery. Just as anonymity allows Felix and Declan to know one another more intimately, it allows grandequeen69 to remain at a remove, insulated from consequence.

That Felix is so open with Declan is significant, as his fear of vulnerability is clear in these chapters. Although Felix wants to fall in love, love requires exposing yourself to another person, which Felix does not yet seem ready for or open to. When Ezra, who loves Felix unconditionally, tells Felix that he loves him, Felix is overwhelmed and unable to respond. Despite this, Felix is jealous of Austin and Ezra for liking one another. This fear of vulnerability can also be seen in Felix’s description of the pride parade: “The parade is just a little too… emotional, I guess? Everyone screaming, people crying, those freaking floats where people are literally getting married and having their first freaking dance…” (108).

When Felix finally meets Ezra’s parents, safety emerges as a theme. While Ezra has the safety net of money, he does not feel safe being himself around his parents. He tries to run to his room to change his outfit before his mother sees him because he knows she won’t accept the way he looks. Felix does not have the security of money, but he knows that his father will always support him and is trying to love Felix for who he is. Similarly to how Felix must reevaluate his perception of Declan, he must expand his understanding of Ezra’s privilege, recognizing that Ezra does face hardship.