Firefly Lane

The Ryans return from their surprise vacation, refreshed and ready to go on Tully’s show the next day. On the morning of the show, Kate feels hopeful, and even Johnny seems to be optimistic. Kate practices what she’ll say in the mirror, anticipating the support she’ll garner from the audience. At breakfast, Kate can’t stop smiling. When she thanks Johnny, he tells her that he has no knowledge about the show; it has been Tully all the way.

On the way to the live show, Kate starts to get nervous, wondering if people will laugh at her or think she should have done more with her life or her family. When she can’t get out of the car, Marah is disgusted, but Johnny encourages her. Tully welcomes them in the studio, and Kate takes solace in the fact that she will be with her best friend through this experience. As Kate and Marah get their makeup done, Kate says, “I love you, Munchkin,” using a nickname from Marah’s younger years, and reminds her how they used to dance together (407). Marah smiles and says she remembers, warming Kate with the connection she feels at that moment. When they are called to set, Marah urgently tells Kate that there is something she needs to tell her. In the rush, Kate dismisses her and goes onstage.

As Kate enters the stage, Tully helps her get over her initial disorientation by smiling and encouraging her. Kate sees her parents and Johnny seated in the audience and an image of people arguing on the screen behind her. Tully introduces the show, saying that they will be “talking about overprotective mothers and the teenage daughters who hate them” (409). The psychiatrist starts to explain the damage that overprotective mothers have on their children, and Kate realizes that “they [are] calling her a bad mother, on national television” (409). Kate turns to confront Tully as Marah walks onstage and the psychiatrist explains that Tully wants to help “address [her] parenting style” (410). Kate explodes, telling Tully that she has no right to give her advice, as she has not had the experience of family, she has a mother who doesn’t love her, and she only cares about herself and her fame. Kate storms offstage, taking Marah with her. Johnny grabs Kate in an embrace, telling her that he had no idea that was going to happen. When Kate’s mother expresses disbelief at what Tully has just done and tries to explain what she must have been thinking, Kate tells her to stop; she doesn’t care about Tully’s motivations or thoughts anymore.

Tully runs after Kate, but she’s gone. When Tully goes back onstage, she tries to smile, but she can’t. The psychiatrist is talking to keep the live show running, but Tully interrupts him, telling the audience that she was just trying to help her friend. The audience applauds in support, but the applause doesn’t make Tully feel whole as it usually does. She makes it through the rest of the broadcast, and at the end, she is left alone because many of the employees are angry at her “for ambushing Johnny, too” (411). Johnny reappears while she sits there, asking Tully why she would do that. He quits his job. Tully asks him to tell Kate to call her so she can explain, but Johnny says that call likely won’t be coming, as he thinks their 30-year friendship ended today.

Kate sits in bed the next morning and thinks about every detail of what happened. She feels numb, and it all feels surreal, but she is also angry, an emotion she rarely experiences. She keeps expecting Tully to call, but she resolves that she will hang up on her, and if they are ever going to be friends again, “Tully [is] going to have to work for it” (412).

Marah knocks and enters the room, saying that her grandmother made her come in to talk. Marah keeps her distance and, at Kate’s prompting, reveals that she knew the subject matter of the show. Marah tells her that she and Tully talked about it beforehand, and she only did it because she wanted to go to the concert. Kate is hurt by Marah’s selfishness, and she realizes that the trip was a way to get Johnny out of the way so Marah and Tully could plan the show. Kate doesn’t know how to respond, but she asks whether Marah ever considered her feelings. Kate points out that Tully won’t be around much, at least until she offers an apology, and Marah looks afraid to lose Tully. Marah continues to insist that none of this is her fault, and Kate snaps, “Nothing ever is,” prompting Marah to storm out of the room (414).

Tully attends her birthday party, a fancy affair with over a hundred people in her apartment. She says, “I think it was Mother Teresa who said that loneliness is the worst kind of poverty’’ to a guest, who scoffs and jokes that people like them don’t know about either (415). Going out to the balcony, she looks out toward the Ryans’ house and runs through the day of Kate’s show in her mind, wondering how Kate could have been so cruel and then not called her. As she goes back inside, the phone rings, and she hurries to answer, thinking it’s Kate, but it’s Kate’s mother. When Tully complains that Kate hasn’t called her, Mrs. Mularkey sounds disappointed. She tells Tully that she loves her like a daughter, the word “like” hurting Tully’s feelings, and says that Tully must see how much she hurt Kate that day. When Tully says she was hurt, too, Mrs. Mularkey laments that what Tully’s mom “did to [her] was a crime” (417) and hangs up. Tully realizes that the people she loves are all part of Kate’s family and have taken Kate’s side, causing her to feel utterly alone.

The next fall, Kate no longer waits for Tully’s call. She doesn’t cry anymore, and she realizes that Tully will never apologize, which has always been the case with them, but this time she will not cave. Kate sinks into a fatigue or depression so deep that she doesn’t shower or get dressed to drive the kids to school. Johnny is worried and prompts Kate to visit a doctor.

Kate goes to the doctor and tells her that she has been feeling depressed, and the doctor gives her a regular check-up. During her breast exam, the doctor notices a “discoloration on [Kate’s] breast” (419). When the doctor asks about it, Kate dismisses it as an infection, which is what her family doctor told her it was following what, they assumed, was a bug bite. The doctor seems concerned and orders a breast ultrasound followed by a biopsy. Kate is afraid as the doctors and nurses seem worried, and she wishes that Johnny, or Tully, were with her.

Tully is awakened by a phone call from the hospital telling her that Cloud has been admitted for a drug overdose and beating. Tully goes to the hospital and finds her mother asleep. Cloud looks old and tired, and she has been beaten around the face. Emotional, Tully strokes her mother’s forehead and realizes she hasn’t touched her since that day in Seattle as a child. She doesn’t know what to say, so she just talks, telling her mother about her fight with Kate and revealing that she’s alone and the only person she has is Cloud. Cloud wakes up to point out that everyone is alone, and when Cloud tells Tully to forget about her, Tully says she can’t. Cloud reiterates what she said the day of Gran’s funeral—she isn’t Tully’s mother and can’t be there for her—expressing regret as she says it. When Tully persists, saying that Cloud will always be her mom, Cloud tells her that she “break[s her] heart” and to go away (424). Cloud falls asleep and Tully goes through her things, finding the macaroni necklace she gave Cloud when she was a girl. Tully falls asleep in the hospital chair and wakes to her cell phone. When she rises, she sees that her mother is gone. On the phone, Edna asks Tully to go to Antarctica for a story. Tully agrees, wanting to get away from things for a while.

Kate stands naked in front of the mirror, thinking about how much she has worried about her figure and how pointless it was. She dresses and goes into her room, where Johnny is waiting, already near tears. The night before they got the news that she has stage four breast cancer that has already spread. Kate reacted with anger, as she has always been so diligent about checking herself, and then she felt fear. Johnny took the news hard, and Kate realized that he needed her to be strong. She hugs Johnny, and after he reassures her of the strength of his love, they go to tell the kids the news. Kate tells them that she’s sick and that she’ll need an operation and a lot of medicine. The boys tell her that they love her and go upstairs. Marah knows that it’s cancer, and she snuggles close and tells Kate that she’ll take care of her. Through the entire discussion with the kids, Kate prays that she will see them grow up.

Kate’s dreams take her back to Firefly Lane, and she wakes up with tears on her face. Recently she has “lost the ability to distance herself from her memories” (431). She thinks about Tully and the promise they made to be best friends forever, and she mourns their friendship. Kate gets out of bed and calls Tully, wondering what she should say. Kate gets the answering machine and says she’s shocked Tully hasn’t called her, but then there is a clicking sound, and Kate thinks that Tully might have picked up the phone, so she says her name. When no one responds, Kate tells Tully that she needs her and to call her. Just after she finishes, the power goes out, and Kate tries not to take this as a bad sign. Kate lights a candle and does one special thing for each member of her family before today’s surgery. Her family gathers around her as the day breaks, and Kate finds herself waiting for the phone to ring. After surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, six weeks have passed and still no word from Tully.

Tully comes home after the first of the year to an empty apartment. While in Antarctica she was able to fake a good time when the cameras were on, but many of her nights were tear-filled. Tully notices that the power must have gone out while she was gone and sits down to listen to her messages. When she hears Kate’s voice, she snaps to attention, but she only hears Kate chastise her for not calling and then say her name. Tully feels “a disappointment so sharp it actually made her flinch” (434). There are no more messages, and Tully can’t believe that Kate would call to taunt her.

In 2006, The Girlfriend Hour is even more successful. Tully doesn’t think about what she lacks anymore; she has “boxed all that negative stuff up and put it in the shadow box” (435). After a show taping, Tully returns to her office, and her secretary tells her that Kate is on the phone. Tully says that she doesn’t want to speak with Kate, but her secretary shares that Kate has threatened her with bad perm photos if she doesn’t talk to her. Tully gets on the phone and tells Kate that she’s angry, and Kate tells her that she’s not apologizing. Kate says none of it matters anyway because she’s in the hospital and hangs up.

Tully rushes to the hospital and finds the entire Mularkey family in the waiting area. Tully knows right away that things are bad. When Tully says that Kate called her, Johnny pulls her in for an embrace, and she can tell that he is barely hanging on. They break the news that Kate has cancer and she has already undergone all possible treatments. Tully realizes that Kate called her when she found out she was sick and that the tape cut out before the rest of the message could be recorded. Adding to her guilt, she didn’t called Kate back. They tell Tully that Kate is dying and that a minor stroke has made her forget things.

Tully goes into Kate’s room and finds her asleep, looking like “a broken doll” (440). When Kate opens her eyes, Tully says she’s sorry. Kate doesn’t react, and after apologizing again, Tully starts to talk about their shared history to get Kate to remember her. After Tully recounts several memories, a tearful Kate tells her to stop and chastises Tully for thinking that she could ever forget her. Tully apologizes again for not calling, and Kate admits that she could have tried again. The two agree that there is no need to dwell. Kate explains that she has done everything to try to fight the cancer, but nothing has worked. Kate says she doesn’t know what to do now, and Tully tells her that they’ll do whatever it is together.

Tully emerges from the room and finds that the Mularkey family has gone to the cafeteria. Mrs. Mularkey invites her to join them, but Tully declines, wishing to get some air. As she walks the street, Tully lets out her anguish, sobbing on the sidewalk and wondering why she didn’t call Kate when they had more time. As she wanders, Tully buys Kate a journal. When Tully gives it to Kate, Kate says that although everyone wanted her to be a writer, she never really was. Inside, Tully has written “Katie’s Story,” and she encourages Kate to write what she remembers so that the kids can learn about their mom.

Kate wakes up, not remembering when she fell asleep, and wishes she were home with Johnny or with Tully on Firefly Lane. After months of trying and believing in every possible treatment and trying to stay strong for her family members, she has spent her recent days filled with morbid thoughts. Kate knows that writing in the journal will be painful; “both the good and the bad would wound her” (446). Thinking about her kids being able to read about the real her is what spurs her to start. She begins with a description of panic and explains what it’s like to see Johnny grieving before she’s even gone. Then, she speaks to Marah, telling her that the fights they had were part of life and love, and she was just afraid to let Marah grow up. She explains that she knows they love each other, and beyond that, nothing else matters. From there, she begins to tell her story, starting in earnest in 1974 when she met Tully Hart.

Tully has called every specialist and oncologist about Kate, but they have all said there’s nothing left to do. Tully rearranges her show and invites doctors on to talk about inflammatory breast cancer, which is often misdiagnosed and aggressive. Without makeup Tully goes out to face her audience, a room full of strangers. Tully sits and reveals that she is there as her honest self; she reminds them about the show on which she ambushed Kate, and she reveals that Kate has breast cancer. In tears, Tully introduces a doctor who will talk to the audience about the symptoms and what to do. At the end of the show, Tully tells Kate that she is the best mother and friend, and Tully announces that she will be taking a hiatus to take care of Kate.

On Kate’s last night at the hospital, Johnny takes the family home, and Tully stays with Kate. Tully shows Kate the show, and Kate notices that Tully apologized. Kate also shares that she started writing in the journal, but she needs Tully’s help remembering. When Tully starts to treat Kate delicately, Kate asks her to just be herself.

Going home is hard for Kate, as the movement takes a lot out of her, and being in the house reminds her that soon she won’t be there. However, she goes, determining that what is most important is that she get time with her family.

Kate wakes in the darkened room and realizes that Marah is there with her. Marah says that she’s been mean to Kate, and although Kate has waited for this kind of admission, she realizes that they were just being a mother who couldn’t let go and a daughter who wanted her freedom. Kate jokes that all teenage girls are that way and tells Marah that she’s proud of the person she’s become. Marah gives Kate a real hug. Marah tells Kate about the prom and how she’s decided not to work at the theater this summer so she can be home with Kate. Kate urges Marah to live her life, but when she asks about going to USC for college, Marah says she’ll go to University of Washington instead to be closer. Marah changes the subject, and for the next hour or so, they just talk. Marah shares that she got the lead in the summer play, a role she auditioned for at Johnny’s urging. When Marah says she’s excited for Kate to see the play, she realizes that her mother might not be there, and her eyes widen. Marah reminds her mother of the time she took her out of school to see a movie as if they were friends, and Kate points out that they’ve always been friends, even when they didn’t realize it. Tearful, Marah tells Kate she loves her and leaves the room.

Tully tells Kate she has a plan, which Kate agrees to despite her better judgment. Tully loads Kate up with blankets and grabs her pouch to go outside. Tully has Kate close her eyes, and she rolls Kate’s wheelchair over the grass, telling Kate to pretend she’s a kid on her bike again going over the hill toward the river. At the beach, Tully helps Kate into a chair and they just talk, sharing a joint from Kate’s pouch. Mrs. Mularkey comes out to join them, and she partakes of the marijuana as well.

While raiding the kitchen, Johnny calls them out on their pot smoking. When Kate says, “Don’t tell my mom,” they all crack up (459). Johnny takes Kate into their bedroom and helps her with her nighttime routine. As they go to their separate beds, they tell each other that they need one another. When Johnny kisses her on the lips, “for a glorious moment, time and tomorrow [fall] away” before they go to sleep (460).

Kate spends the next week writing in her journal and spending time with her family or Tully. Kate gets a kick out of watching Tully try to manage the household duties with little success. However, everything is colored by Kate’s illness. Kate feels she has to stay positive for her family so that they can “talk and laugh and carry on the pretense of ordinary life” (462), but she feels worn out from keeping everyone else’s spirits up. Kate is telling Johnny and Tully that she wishes she could go shopping for Marah’s prom dress when the doorbell rings. Suddenly people are coming into the house with racks of dresses. Tully tells Kate that a perk of being rich and famous is that she can bring prom shopping to their house. Marah tells Kate that she didn’t want to go shopping without her.

Over the next few weeks, Kate gets weaker, and her pain increases. Tully has taken over the daily routine, and Kate hurries to finish her journal, frightened sometimes that she won’t have time. The prospect of dying has become less scary for Kate, but she feels she can’t tell anyone, realizing that “dying was a lonely business” (464). Marah asks Kate to come into the living room. Marah says there was a book Kate gave her once for when she was feeling scared or alone, and while she has tried to read it recently, she hasn’t been able to; she figured out they all need it instead. Marah reads the book to everyone in the room.

As August fades into September, Kate fades, too. Kate settles into her chair to finish her journal. With her final thoughts, Kate points out that what really stands out to her about her life is “Love. Family. Laughter” (467). She writes that in her youth she thought that she had to do everything and want more, but now she feels proud of her children and proud of herself. She “had everything I ever wanted” (467).

When Tully gets home from the grocery store, Kate hands her the completed journal. Holding Kate’s hand, Tully reads. As she relives some of her and Kate’s memories, she asks Kate how Kate could have ever been friends with her, to which Kate replies, “How could I not?“ (468)

Tully wakens from a nightmare in which she and Kate are riding their bikes, but suddenly Kate is gone. Tully gets herself a tea and heads outside, where she finds Johnny. When Tully remarks on how incredible his and Kate’s love story is, Johnny tries to keep his emotions in check. Tully tells him that he doesn’t have to, and while he cries, she holds his hand. Kate walks out, joking that she’s always finding them together, and this time she says it with a smile. Kate tells them that she loves them and that they should take care of each other and the kids when she’s gone. Upset, Tully tells Johnny to take Kate to their bed; she’ll sleep in the guest room tonight.

Johnny takes Kate upstairs and turns on the fire in their room. Kate reminds Johnny of the first time they slept together in front of the fire on his houseboat. Kate suggests that they have sex, and Johnny gently takes her in his arms. Kate loses herself in their intimacy, and they snuggle close afterward. Kate tells Johnny that she doesn’t like to think of him alone and that she’d understand if he ended up with Tully. Johnny tells her he never loved Tully; Kate is the one that he has always loved, and she is everything to him. Kate sees that he is being completely honest and regrets not realizing this truth earlier.

The night of the summer play, Kate is feeling weak, but she asks Tully to help her with makeup and a wig. At the auditorium, Johnny gets Kate situated and leaves to get her parents and the boys. Kate asks Tully if she’ll contact the “guy who runs the drama program at USC” for Marah (474). When Tully acts surprised, Kate acknowledges that she didn’t want her going into acting, but it’s what she wants, and Kate wants to support her. Kate encourages Tully to reconnect with Cloud if she can, stating that love and family are the only things that really matter. Kate also tells Tully that she was really happy in her life, even when it felt like she was “waiting for more” (475); she was present for her family, and that fulfills her. Kate tells Tully that she’s worried about her happiness and her fear of love, and Tully acknowledges that her career was really her love and she has been mostly happy. Kate and Tully tell each other that they are proud of each other just before Johnny and the rest of the family crowd into their seats. When Marah comes onstage, she is wonderful.

In October, after saying goodbye and “whispering one last special thing to each of them,” Kate dies (476). Tully follows Kate’s to-do list regarding her funeral, and she focuses on nothing else while the Mularkeys grieve together. As they walk into the church, Tully looks at Marah, who is quietly crying, and she tells her how much her mother loved her. Tully sees that someday she and Marah will be friends who share stories about Kate. As soon as the music starts, Tully leaves, knowing that she can’t handle seeing the pictures of Kate start to play. Outside, the funeral director approaches Tully and tells her that Kate told him she would be outside when the funeral started and to give her this box.

Inside the box Tully finds a note from Kate telling her to take care of Johnny and the kids, to give them the journal, and to always tell them the truth about her. In her letter, Kate also tells Tully that she knows that she thinks Kate left her, but anytime she remembers Firefly Lane, she’ll be able to find Kate again. Inside the box, Tully finds a cigarette with a note that says, “Smoke me,” an autographed David Cassidy picture that says, “Kiss me,” and an iPod that says, “Play me and dance” (479). Tully follows the instructions and feels Kate all around her. When she hits play on the iPod, ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” plays, and, “unsure of whether she was laughing or crying,” Tully dances (479).