54 pages • 1 hour read
Lauren FleshmanA modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
During the fall of her sophomore year, Fleshman’s body began to change, and she put on weight. This affected her performance on the track; she felt slower and heavier, and she had to work harder to keep up. Her coach advised her to get back to her “race weight” (68). Meanwhile, a new teammate, Caitlyn, was struggling with an eating disorder, avoiding eating the same food as the others and excusing herself to the bathroom for long stretches after meals. The coaches seemed reluctant to talk about it.
Fleshman points out that female college athletes are pressured to uphold ridiculous standards for their bodies, being pressured not only by Western beauty standards but also by ideals around ideal athletic shapes.
At the end of Fleshman’s sophomore year, she began finally to feel stronger again, winning the 5,000-meter race at the NCAA meet after a year of running feeling tougher than it ever had.
Lananna reprimanded the girls’ team for having an “integrity problem” (74). Fleshman agreed at the time but now reflects that the women were blamed for their patchy performances, disordered eating, and confidence problems instead of supported through them. Fleshman reflects that there is no women-specific information in the NCAA guidelines on athletes; she points out that women suffer with the assumption of sameness because the male body is used as a guideline.
Many girls in the squad were managing injuries or other issues. At the NCAA meet, Fleshman—now captain of the squad—placed an impressive third, but the team placed a disappointing fifth, with many of the women underperforming. Fleshman’s teammate Julia broke her tibia into hundreds of pieces after a relatively benign fall. Other runners had stress fractures.
The Stanford team came in at a close second at the NCAA meet the following year. In a large part, Fleshman credited this win to Dena Evans, who grew to be an incredible coach of the women’s team in her own right, not just Lananna’s assistant coach.
Fleshman was disappointed with her results on a V02max test; she was already very close to her “ultimate performance potential” (84). Fleshman asked where she would be on the chart if she lost five pounds of fat and was shown a different part of the graph that looked more impressive. She began trying to lose weight, keeping a journal of her caloric intake. This resulted in an obsessive observation of her body and an increased interest in the bodies of her competitors.
Fleshman felt sluggish in training and was being beaten in races by competitors she had been expected to beat. She relaxed her control of her diet and won the NCAA 5,000-meter championship.
Fleshman reflects that the win came at a cost that would be realized later.
Fleshman recognized that she needed an endorsement from a sporting brand. Agents told Fleshman that they could negotiate a deal for approximately $30,000 a year; Fleshman was disappointed by this amount and represented herself.
The marketing executives she met with—exclusively cisgender white men—told her that the athletes who get sponsored are good-looking and single. Fleshman was insulted. Ray Flynn, an agent, negotiated a $60,000 deal for Fleshman, conditional on her making USA Olympic teams and maintaining a high performance standard.
Fleshman traveled constantly, competing in meets around the world. She learned from many athletes that their contracts were reduced as they got older, even if they were improving. Jon Drummond, a Black male American sprinter, told Fleshman about the racism built into the sponsorship system, which favors American distance runners (who are predominantly white) over sprinters.
Fleshman enrolled in a master’s course at Stanford and kept training with Lananna. When Lananna moved to Oberlin, Fleshman followed him there to conclude her preparation before the Olympic Trials.
Fleshman, training extremely hard, stopped getting her period, but she felt that this was ultimately a good thing, as she didn’t have to deal with mood changes, bloating, and cyclical weight changes. She ignored the warnings about amenorrhea.
Fleshman began eating less when she lived with 83-year-old Dori Sturges, eating the same amount as the retired sports reporter. She used this as a tactic to remain in the “weight loss zone.” Fleshman read that one of her idols, British runner Paula Radcliffe, was exactly her height but 10 pounds lighter; this became Fleshman’s goal weight.
At the Payton Jordan Invitational, Fleshman hoped to make a fast enough time to qualify for the Olympic Trials, but she felt slow and off pace and missed it by a second.
Fleshman felt ashamed of her below-standard thesis presentation; she had been focusing so much on running that it left little time for preparation.
Fleshman learned that Jesse broke his neck; she rushed to visit him. They had been broken up for years, but Fleshman reflected that she had missed him.
Fleshman started to feel pain in her foot during a training run. She was diagnosed with an early-onset stress reaction, the stage before a fracture, and had to wear a boot and crutches for a month. Devastated, she trained in the pool for the upcoming race but eventually had to accept that her foot was too painful. She watched the race from the sideline on crutches, heartbroken.
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