Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

Two mysterious figures—the demons Hastur and Ligur—lurk in a darkened graveyard waiting for someone to arrive. Meanwhile, Crowley (previously Crawly until he decided the name wasn’t a good fit) speeds down the road in a 1926 Bentley, ruminating on his past evil deeds and “enjoying the twentieth century immensely” (16). He pulls up to the graveyard, and he, Hastur, and Ligur compare stories of how they are corrupting humanity. Hastur and Ligur have different methods than Crowley, as they corrupt one soul at a time while Crowley prefers large, dramatic gestures.

Hastur gives Crowley a basket, much to Crowley’s dismay, telling him that, as caretaker of the basket, he has a vital role in evil’s triumph over good. After leaving the graveyard, Crowley receives instructions from Satan. His mission is important, Satan tells him, and failure will be severely punished. As Crowley imagines the coming Armageddon, the occupant of the basket begins to cry.

At a hospital run by nuns of the Chattering Order of Saint Beryl, Mr. Young waits for his wife to give birth. Crowley pulls up and, basket in hand, hurries into the hospital. He asks Mr. Young, “Has it started yet?” (26), which Mr. Young believes is a reference to his wife going into labor. He answers in the affirmative and notes that she is in Room Three. Crowley delivers the Antichrist to Sister Mary Loquacious, a devout Satanist, but because of her scatterbrained nature, she delivers the child to the wrong parents—the Youngs rather than Thaddeus J. Dowling, the American Cultural Attaché, and his wife.

The narrative moves to 8-year-old Anathema Device, who is reading from the book of prophecies written by her ancestor, Agnes Nutter, a 17th-century witch. From her readings, Anathema learns her family’s occult history. Meanwhile, 12-year-old Newton Pulsifer, who has a “burning and totally unrequited passion for things electrical” (42), tinkers with an electrical socket and blows out all the lights in his house. At school, he disables the only computer with a punch card that it “chewed up and choked fatally on” (42).

Crowley has mixed feelings about the end of the world. He understands its inevitability, but uncharacteristically of a demon, he is fond of the human race. Speeding down the road, he ponders the dual nature of humanity, capable of unspeakable evil and wondrous goodness, with both qualities sometimes co-existing in the same person.

Back at the hospital, after rejecting all of Sister Mary’s name suggestions (Damien, Cain, Errol), Mr. Young finally agrees to Adam. Shortly after the two families leave the hospital, Hastur causes lightning to strike the convent of the Chattering Order, injuring no one but doing a fair amount of fire damage. This is his final act before returning to Hell.

Aziraphale and Crowley have an ages-old agreement not to interfere in each other’s meddling. In Saint James Park, they discuss the likely victor of the Final Battle. Although Aziraphale argues that life would be better if Heaven wins, Crowley counters that, if Hell wins, life will be less good but more interesting. They drive off in Crowley’s Bentley, discussing Agnes Nutter’s predicted timeline for the end. Later, they sit in the back of the bookshop Aziraphale owns, get drunk, and debate the true nature of God’s Divine Plan as well as the Antichrist’s genetic predisposition. They agree to try to influence the child’s upbringing to see which side—good or evil—he will choose when the time comes.

Across the globe, Scarlett, an arms dealer for the past 300 years and, in reality, the apocalyptic horseperson War, transports weapons to a small, fictional West African country on the verge of civil. After completing her job, Scarlett takes the last train out of town. Meanwhile, Dr. Raven Sable (Famine), author of The Diet Book of the Century, dines with his accountant. They discuss corporatization, diversification, and tax shelters. Still elsewhere, Mr. White (Pestilence), an unobtrusive presence in any number of careers over the years, releases black sludge from a Japanese oil tanker into the ocean.

At the Dowling residence, Nanny Ashtoreth, an agent of Crowley, assumes the job of caretaker for Warlock, Thaddeus and Harriet Dowling’s newborn son — who, of course, is not the Antichrist as both Crowley and Aziraphale believe. At the same time, Brother Francis, Aziraphale’s agent, takes a job as gardener. They engage in a tug of war with little Warlock’s moral upbringing, teaching him, by turns, to be either humane or sadistic. When he turns six, they trade their identities for new ones—tutors—but with the same objective: schooling Warlock in the various villains and heroes of history.

After a time, Crowley and Aziraphale meet to assess Warlock’s progress. Unaware that the real Antichrist is living with the Youngs, Crowley frets that Warlock is too normal and should have been showing signs of evil by now. With any luck, he muses, the hellhound Warlock is receiving as a pet will help.