Guts: A Graphic Novel

“You want to talk about weird? You should see the way my family eats. I like pizza, Coke, ice cream, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, tacos, and chips. I really, really like chips. My little brother, Will, is only one-and-a-half. He eats baby carrots, taco shells, grated cheddar cheese, and raw spaghetti. That’s it. My sister, Amara, is five. She likes salad. And French fries. And ketchup. Sooo much ketchup. She’ll eat pizza, but she rips the cheese off first. […] My dad really likes cheese. A lot. A lot-lot. […] My mom’s perfect meal—get this—is a glass of milk, a steamed artichoke, and mayonnaise.”

Talking to friends on the playground at lunch, Raina describes the typical Telgemeier family meal. The other three family members tend to have certain foods they enjoy and others they will not eat; for instance, Raina’s mother is a vegetarian, while her father is not. As the narrative progresses, Raina’s counselor Lauren points out she is overly concerned that the food she eats might negatively impact the meals or appetite of others, which creates an atmosphere of constant stress for her.

Mom: “Are you sick again, honey?”

Raina: “I...I think so...” […]

“I didn’t puke. But the thought that I might […] was worse than if I actually had.”

This is one of the episodes in which Raina feels nauseated without vomiting, which she experiences as worse than throwing up. Later in the narrative, she refers to these as panic attacks, a symptom of panic disorder. One common characteristic of panic disorder is the constant dread of having another panic attack. For Raina, as demonstrated continually throughout, this means she never stops fretting that something might cause her to feel nauseous.

Math Teacher: “Raina, you only answered two out of eight questions. Is everything okay at home? […] All your little drawings are very nice...You’re a visual problem solver. But I still can’t give you a grade higher than a D-minus.”

Raina: “My stomach hurts.”

Arriving late to her math class after a visit to the doctor, Raina takes a math test. Distracted by her health concerns, Raina doodles on the quiz. Her response that her stomach hurts is ironic because the doctor had proclaimed her to be completely healthy. Drawing on the test paper relates to another of Raina’s stress responses. While she often cannot verbally describe her feelings, she can express her thoughts and emotions through her art.

“Our house was awfully small. Impossible to get much privacy. The most peaceful place was the bathroom! But one bathroom for five people (one of whom was potty training) was a little tough to manage. […] At least in the summer we could spread things out a little. […] A little.”

Another of the issues Raina deals with that becomes exacerbated throughout the narrative is the crowded nature of her family’s home, a tiny two-bedroom, one-bath apartment in the San Francisco Bay Area of California. While the bathroom offers her some solace at this point in the story, others constantly interrupt her. Initially, the three children share a single bedroom. Here, Raina describes the situation during the summer between the fourth and fifth grades. The cramped quarters of the apartment grow even more difficult to negotiate when Raina’s grandmother arrives. This quote reflects one of several issues Raina must negotiate as she deals with Coming of Age Before Middle School.

Mr. Abrams: “Just try and be a little kinder to Michelle, okay?”

Raina: “What?! She’s the one who’s being mean!”

Mr. Abrams: “I don’t want to hear any more.”

Raina: “But that’s not fair!”

Michelle: […] “Poopy...diaper...baby.”

When she discovers that Mr. Abrams—who had been her second-grade teacher—is going to be her fifth-grade teacher, Raina expresses delight. However, he consistently counsels Raina to be nicer to Michelle, who torments Raina with comments such as the above, implying that Raina needs potty training. Raina’s frustration is an example of the perceived injustice she often feels.

Raina: “I just…got really nervous for some reason! I thought I was going to puke!”

Mom: “But you didn’t!”

Raina: “No...Instead, I just had to go to the bathroom really bad. ‘Number Two.’”

Mom: “I’ll talk to your teacher, okay? For now, just try and get some rest.”

Raina: “Don’t tell him too many details. [Thinks] I don’t want everyone to think I’m a poopy diaper baby.”

Another residual fear Raina carries with her is the dread that others, particularly her classmates, will think she is weird, immature, or does not fit in. Much of her reluctance to speak about her physical and emotional issues stems from fear of what others will think of her, which increases the teasing and prying questions she receives and heightens her perpetual anxiety.

Mom: “What is it that you are so afraid of?...Vomit?”

Raina: “I hate that word.”

Mom: “But vomiting is just a normal thing people do sometimes! Come inside, honey.”

Raina: “No! The house is contaminated!”

This is an emotional low point for Raina, who sits alone on her front doorstep. She does not want to go to school, fearing exposure to germs that will make her vomit. Meanwhile, her little brother has had a stomach bug. Raina’s mother makes no headway in reasoning with her because her fear is not susceptible to logic. From this, her parents decide she needs the help of a professional counselor. The multiple shades of green balloons surrounding Raina reveal the layers of distress and helplessness she feels.

Lauren: “This is a safe space, Raina. You can talk about anything you like. So...will you tell me a little about why you’re here today? In your own words?”

Raina: […] “Umm...I dunno.”

In this first private encounter between Raina and her counselor, Lauren, the drawings reveal that Raina feels overwhelmed by such a multitude of concerns that she cannot put them into words. The intervening cartoons between Lauren’s questions and Raina’s non-answers display a vortex of personal issues, swallowed by even greater global issues, that surround and press down on Raina. The final panel shows her as a tiny figure engulfed by the encroaching green color representing her fears and stomach troubles.

Mr. Abrams: “I know the two of you don’t get along...but it’s possible that you don’t know her whole story. […] A great thinker once said: ‘Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.’ It doesn’t diminish your own battle...But perhaps you and Michelle can become allies instead of adversaries.”

Mocked on the playground by Michelle, Raina flees to the classroom, where Mr. Abrams tries to soften her distaste for Michelle. Abrams apparently knows that Michelle has unexpressed physical issues. From his perception, Raina is the healthier of the two because her issues are not life-or-death. Thus, Raina is the one he challenges without breaking confidence about Michelle’s health problem.

Raina: “Shortly thereafter I discovered: marinated artichoke hearts are good on salad. And on pizza! And even straight from the jar! So I’m not afraid of eating artichokes anymore! Isn’t that cool? Does that mean I’m cured??”

Lauren: “Sometimes we have things in life we need to work on. But that doesn’t mean we’re sick. It’s not as simple as having a filled physical illness, or a cure. […] But I’m glad you’re eating artichokes again!”

In a session with Lauren, Raina relates the progress she has made in eating a particular food she previously feared. Lauren expresses that with emotional issues, unlike recovering from a physical illness, improvement is gradual and requires ongoing work. She praises Raina for the positive steps she has made. As she rides home from the session, Raina reflects on what she learned, which Telgemeier portrays as a positive step.

“Speaking of things being wrong...something was going on with the girls in my class.”

Telgemeier makes an ironic comparison in this passage between Raina and other fifth-grade girls in her class. Fearful of how her friend Jane will respond, Raina does not tell her that she is in therapy. Meanwhile, Raina notices that many other girls, who seem not to feel well, seek excuses for the restroom. As Raina keeps her counseling secret, the other girls are equally private about the onset of puberty. The author expresses a notion, to which she will return, that everyone has personal issues they do not openly discuss.

Mom: “Everyone’s acting weird, huh? I guess you’re all at that age. […] Puberty.”

Raina: “[…] I knew the basics! Your body changes. Your hormones change. I guess that is kind of personal. […] Was puberty to blame for my stomach aches? I don’t know. Was puberty to blame for my sudden panic attacks? I don’t know!”

Raina’s mother helps her understand what is happening with her classmates. As she contemplates this, Raina finds her little sister and brother peeking under the bathroom door, invading her privacy. She realizes that emerging adolescence is a time of many personal changes that are seldom openly discussed. She wonders if the chemical changes in her body drive her panic disorder.

Raina: “Maybe I could, like, sleep down here on the couch or something?”

Mom: “Nope. Your grandma’s coming to live with us for a little while.”

Raina: “We all like grandma, but…six! People! In an already tiny apartment!!”

When her parents curtain off a section of their bedroom so that Raina can move out of the bedroom she shares with her siblings, she is uncertain if she likes it. She’s afraid of what others might think because kids are not supposed to sleep in their parents’ bedroom. After one night, she is ready to move out because of her father’s snoring, only to discover that—just when Raina wants more privacy—their tiny home will now have six residents with the arrival of her constantly talkative grandmother. Instead of improving her life, her new bedroom complicates it.

Jane: “I wish I could draw. […] I’ve tried. I can’t.

Raina: […] “Maybe you can write a story and I can draw it!”

Jane: “Oh! That would be fun. We could base the characters on our little brothers. Or the kids at school!”

This exchange occurs in Raina’s bedroom, where Jane admires the comic strips Raina draws as a form of her Self-Expression Through Art. The conversation displays Raina’s attempt to develop a closer relationship by involving her best friend in that which is most intimate and personal to her. When Jane says she cannot draw, Raina encourages her to “try.” Lauren uses this word to encourage Raina to step forward in the face of anxiety. Raina begins to use the word as well, both to stimulate herself and her friend.

Mr. Abrams: “Everyone eats different things. We all have our likes and dislikes. But please, please try not to be disrespectful of other people. Treat others as you wish to be treated.”

Mr. Abrams calls Raina out of the classroom when she spontaneously protests at the prospect of tasting a Waldorf salad made by Michelle because it contains mayonnaise. When Mr. Abrams tells her to be respectful, Raina translates that into the now familiar command to “try.” While she did not care for the salad, she did try it without complaint. She rightly recognizes this as a positive step, especially given Michelle’s continual mistreatment of her.

Lauren: “Are you being bullied??”

Raina: “They don’t beat me up or anything. They don’t steal my stuff. I just get...teased a lot. […] It makes my stomach hurt. And then I get scared I’m going to puke. […] When I’m in this space, I feel like I can’t get out.”

During this counseling session, Raina describes one of the key sources of stress, which invariably results in an upset stomach. The upset stomach results in a panic because she fears she will vomit, exacerbating her anxiety. Telgemeier visually portrays the progression from a calm scene in Lauren’s office to a turbulent vision of Raina falling through a green vortex into a spider’s web. As the session progresses, Lauren successfully shows Raina how to anchor herself with her feet and deep breathing to prevent her fears from escalating.

Lauren: “Would it help to explain to your classmates what you’re going through?”

Raina: “I don’t want them to know that I’m afraid of throw up. It’s just so...babyish. Weird. Dumb. Stupid.”

Lauren: “I bet all your friends are secretly scared of something!”

Through Lauren’s observation, Telgemeier here returns to the idea that all young people face seemingly overwhelming obstacles as they move into adolescence. The counselor makes this observation when Raina confesses her great fear of being different and unacceptable, something Lauren recognizes as virtually universal in pubescent children, and which is one aspect of Overcoming Life Issues as a Child.

“I’ve already lost my best friend...and she hasn’t even moved away. It’s a total punch in the guts.”

At a growth stage when having a “best friend forever” is essential, Raina works diligently to create an exclusive relationship with Jane. To her dismay, Rayna arrives late for class after a counseling session and finds Jane and Michelle happily bonding. Raina feels betrayed. She has such a dramatic physical response, centering on her stomach, that her mother takes her for a series of medical tests. The underlying implication is that Michelle’s bullying of these two friends was an expression of Michelle’s jealousy.

Doctor: “So your official diagnosis is IBS. That stands for irritable bowel syndrome. It basically means upset stomach...with no discernible cause.”

Mom: “Can it be cured?”

Doctor: “It tends to come and go. Get enough rest, exercise, water...don’t eat foods that bother you. And most importantly...don’t stress out too much!”

When the physician tells Raina to avoid stress, she and her mother erupt with laughter, to the doctor’s consternation. The aspect the doctor does not know, as Raina will soon explain to her entire class, is that her stomach problems and her stress form a vicious cycle, feeding off each other. Raina and her mom find the physician’s words ironic in that, if she can stop having stomach problems, her stress will disappear; and if her stress disappears, she will stop having stomach problems.

Raina: “I just don’t get it. She’s been mean to us for years.”

Jane: “I know...I think she had a change of heart. […] What if she just needs friends? You don’t have to be best friends with her, but try and accept that she’s my friend now. Please? And who knows. Maybe puberty made her nice!”

Fresh from hearing her doctor telling her to avoid stress, Raina finds herself in the most stressful situation possible when Jane invites her to a slumber party to which Michelle is also invited. The circumstances are ironic in that Raina works diligently to change certain aspects of her own behavior but cannot bring herself to believe that her long-time bully might change as well.

Raina: “I guess...I feel a little better knowing that just because I have a little gas, it doesn’t mean something is wrong. And it doesn’t mean I’m going to throw up. But at some point...I might.”

Lauren: “That’s true. You might. It’s kind of out of your control! But I hope you feel a little more prepared to cope with the fear.”

Raina: “I can try.”

This is the conclusion of the last counseling session recorded in the narrative. It takes place near the end of the school year. Raina has gained an intellectual understanding of how her physical and emotional issues intersect and has acquired some tools for dealing with them to prevent her fears from cycling out of control. The most important element, as restated, is her commitment to “try” to maintain her composure rather than surrendering to her anxiety.

Raina: “I’m going to talk about the mind and body. Now, you don’t have to answer...but I want you all to think about something that scares you. And now...try and notice how that makes you feel. For me...worrying about things makes my stomach hurt. And my stomach hurting...It makes me worry more. It’s a cycle. Mind and body. Body and mind. But I have a few ways of coping. Can everyone please stand?”

“I showed them how to breathe deeply. And how to focus on their feet. Amazingly, I got through my presentation without a hint of fear.”

For her final fifth-grade in-class presentation, Raina courageously explains the difficulty she has with the combination of emotional and physical issues feeding off one another to catapult her into panic attacks. She moves through this major step without experiencing anxiety. Lauren had suggested to Raina that she explain her issues to the class, which turned out to be a cathartic release from a key source of anxiety: once they understood her problem and how she dealt with it, the kids would no longer tease her about being weird.

Michelle: “You know that breathing thing you showed us in class? I tried it. And it helped a lot. […]”

Raina: “Hey Michelle? You got guts.”

Missing from Jane’s slumber party is Michelle, who underwent year-ending intestinal surgery. During the party, the girls call Michelle in the hospital, and eventually, Raina must take her turn talking to her. The call ends up being a reconciliation between them, with Michelle expressing real appreciation for Raina and a great deal of commonality. Raina’s final comment here reveals a third meaning to the book’s title: Raina’s stomach—Guts—causes her serious troubles; Raina summons the courage—Guts—to face and overcome the problems caused by her stomach; and Raina discovers that others face big issues too and find the courage—Guts—to prevail.