Guts: A Graphic Novel

One day in Mr. Abrams’s class, Jane holds up her hand and says she must leave the room. As Raina watches her leave, she wonders if her friend is vomiting. She remembers they sat together on the bus and shared food during lunch. Raina feels panic as she reflects on her close contact with Jane. When Jane comes back and sits down, Raina watches her closely. Jane turns and asks her why she stares at her. Raina asks if Jane is okay, trying to find out why she rushed to the bathroom. Finally annoyed, Jane snaps, “None of your beeswax, Raina” (89).

Raina says it is getting harder and harder for her to act “normally” at school. It scares her to share her food with others. She gives her food away rather than eating something someone else has touched. Other students realize this and start asking her for all of her food. It makes her nervous to go to the water fountain, knowing that kids will make fun of her because she is so anxious about what she eats and drinks.

On one occasion, Michelle mocks her at the water fountain. Raina shouts, “I hate your guts, Michelle” (92). Raina goes back to class and complains that Michelle is teasing her. Mr. Abrams asks Raina to consider that Michelle may also have some troubles. In the last panel (93), Raina chews her fingernails as she considers her teacher’s suggestion. She decides Mr. Abrams means that, if she is nice to Michelle, maybe Michelle will be nice to her. Watching pensively as Michelle comes back and sits in her desk, Raina decides Michelle needs to be nice first.

On Saturday, Raina goes to Jane’s for a sleepover. At supper, they have a meal that consists of soup, tofu, rice, and meat or fish. As they eat, Raina comments that this is very different from what her family eats. Jane offers her dried squid. Instead, Raina asks for a little more white rice. Jane says Raina should at least try some kimchi. She discovers that she loves kimchi and eats four bowls of rice and six helpings of kimchi. Sleeping on the floor between the beds of Jane and her brother that night, Raina suddenly wakes with stomach trouble. Once in the bathroom, she realizes the problem is just gas. She returns to bed and falls asleep.

The next morning, Raina asks if kimchi causes gas. Jane says it has never caused her to have gas. Riding home with her mother, Raina asks her mother about it. Her mother replies that some foods cause gas and that, in general, eating too much of any food disagrees with your stomach. She advises Raina to avoid any food that she thinks might disagree with her.

That night Raina’s family goes to a salad bar where there is a variety of food. Initially excited, Raina begins to worry about how the foods will react inside of her stomach. She passes over beans, cheese, potato salad, and cabbage. Ultimately, she sits down with nothing more than lettuce, croutons, and Italian dressing as everyone in her family stares at her.

As she sits disconsolately in Lauren’s office, Raina begins an exchange with her about her fear of eating. Raina says she is not afraid of eating but of what the food will do inside her after she eats. Lauren asks her to list the foods that she can enjoy without concern. In listing the foods that will not disagree with her, Raina also mentions foods that others in her family do not like. Lauren points out that Raina seems to worry about things other people eat and says, “You realize that you only have control over yourself right? There are many things you simply have no control over” (107). The counselor explains there are many fears people have for no logical reason. Lauren encourages Raina to learn to control her fears.

Raina thinks about the things that she worries about. She focuses on going through all the activities of a single day without getting sick. The next morning, she shouts “[V]ictory” at the top of her voice. Speaking again to Lauren, she says she overcame her fear of eating artichoke hearts and asks if that means she is completely well. Lauren tells her that Raina’s personal issues are not like a physical illness that gets cured and forgotten. Rather, Raina needs to continue working on her anxieties.

After going to see her therapist, Raina gets a pass to go back to her classroom and sits down beside Jane. Her friend asks her why she is so often late for school. Raina hesitates to explain that she goes to a therapist because Jane might think she is “crazy.”

Raina notices she is not the only one who asks to leave class abruptly, as several other girls excuse themselves. This is a mysterious trend she observes. She asks her friend Dina why she does not go home if she feels bad, to which Dina replies that Raina is not mature enough to understand what’s going on. Raina also notices that there is not as much general conversation in the girls’ restroom as in the past. She feels isolated from some of the other girls, who seem to share a common secret. Raina says, “The boys had not gotten the memo yet. But it seemed like the girls were slowly forming a secret club...to which I was not invited” (117).

Raina’s mother explains puberty is likely the reason for the girls’ secretive behavior. This causes Raina to ask herself if puberty is to blame for her stomachaches and sudden panic attacks.

Raina recognizes that her parents seem to pay too much attention to her. They tell her that they have met with Lauren to discuss her situation. They explain that is how child therapy works, to which she responds that she is not a child. Her father says Lauren thinks Raina could use a little more space because she has shared a bedroom with her sister—and now her brother—from the time of their births. Her parents put up a dividing rod across their bedroom and pull a curtain across to create a private space for Raina. Now her bedroom is part of her parents’ bedroom.

At first, the arrangement seems to work out just fine, until she hears her father’s nighttime snoring. The next morning, she is wide awake and harried from listening to her father all night. When she asks if she can move to the sofa, her mother tells her that her grandmother is going to live with them for six months. The idea that six people will now share a tiny two-bedroom apartment adds to Raina’s anxiety.

This portion of the narrative deals with Raina and her best friend, Jane. Jane comes to the crowded apartment to visit Raina. Quickly, they go upstairs to her room, where Raina shows Jane the comics she has drawn and encourages Jane to draw with her. Jane insists she cannot draw. Raina suggests that Jane write the story and Raina do the illustrations. They decide to base their comic strip on their little brothers and the kids at school. As Raina’s mother drives Jane home, Will behaves badly in the microbus. The girls are glad he does because his behavior becomes source material for their comic.

Then, the next day, everybody sits downstairs as Raina’s dad turns on a big game on TV. Raina goes upstairs, puts on her headphones, and draws cartoons about the family. Raina’s mother brings her the telephone, saying that Jane has called. Jane is upset, so Raina’s mother takes her to see Jane. Her friend tells Raina she is moving to the suburbs near the airport. While Jane feels this is disastrous, Raina sees the possibility of many new, good things, beginning with more space and new friends. While Raina is happy and excited for Jane, her friend agonizes because she doesn’t want to go.

As the two girls sit on the playground disconsolately eating their lunches, Michelle comes to them and asks them why they’re so gloomy. She asks if it is puberty and then says, “Oh, wait...obviously not” (139). Raina runs her hand across her chest as if to check for any changes.

Michelle gives her in-class presentation, demonstrating how to make a healthy Waldorf salad. She displays the ingredients, including apples, celery, walnuts, and mayonnaise. When she mentions mayonnaise, Raina makes a loud sound of displeasure, stopping the presentation. Mr. Abrams tells Michelle to continue as he takes Raina into the hall. He tells her to be respectful of the foods others prefer. Michelle hands out little samples of Waldorf salad to everyone in the class. Raina knows she should sample it. She touches it to her tongue and decides not to eat it. The other students eat the salad and applaud Michelle. Raina also applauds.

Riding the bus after school, Nicole asks Raina why she did not eat Michelle’s salad. She asks why Raina gives away her lunch so often. They wonder if she has an eating disorder, which she denies. Another girl, Dina, says that Raina is just a weirdo. When they get off the bus, Raina consoles Jane by reminding her she will not have to go to school with any of these mean kids next year. Instead, she will get a fresh start. Jane replies, “I don’t want a fresh start. The idea of leaving makes me want to puke” (147). The mention of vomiting fills Raina with anxious thoughts.

In the next panel, Raina discusses Jane’s move with Lauren, saying her best friend will be gone. Raina complains that some kids are mean to her. She picks at her fingernails as she talks. Lauren asks if she experiences bullying. Raina replies that she mostly gets teased. Lauren asks Raina, on a scale of 1-to-10, how much the teasing bothers her. Raina says it makes her stomach hurt and is about five on the scale. When her stomach begins to hurt, she thinks she will lose control, causing her to rise to 10 on the scale: “When I’m in this space I feel like I can’t get out. […] I feel like I won’t survive it. […] I can’t control anything” (151-52). Lauren shares some tools that allow Raina to control her fear: She concentrates on her feet touching the floor and just breathes. When Lauren asks Raina if the situation would improve if Raina explained her situation to her classmates, Raina responds that she does not want to appear childish by saying she is afraid of vomit. Lauren ventures that pretty much all Raina’s friends are afraid of something.