How Does It Feel?

In this section, Callie’s Emotional Complexity is further explored through the lens of sexuality, as is Mendax’s. For Mendax, his feelings of arousal and anger at Callie are unwelcome breaks in the otherwise emotional void of his existence: “Others’ lives or feelings meant nothing to me. Friends or family, it didn’t matter to me. Nothing mattered to me” (146). This indifference to emotions does not apply to Callie, for whom he first feels an intrigue—she is clever and ruthless for a human—then a sexual attraction. He then begins to experience a possessive obsession with her, killing one of the members of his court merely for touching her with empathy. While this behavior can be read as a predator with his prey, Callie reciprocates this sexual desire, and unbeknownst to Mendax, she is indeed there to kill him as an assassin, thus complicating their power dynamic and highlighting the fuzzy distinction between Desire and Danger.

Callie’s attraction to Mendax intermingles with her fear of him: “He was ungodly attractive, like an angel of death” (156). The pull of sexual attraction is heightened by the fear of death, a literary trope that has a long history in romance. Mendax also responds to this conflict with Emotional Complexity, though he is clearly the dominant party on the surface. When he finally accepts that she killed the forest bog without assistance, his physical reaction is undeniable: “The thoughts of what darkness pulsed behind her large doe eyes were enough to cause a tightening of the leathers that covered my groin” (168). The threat of violence creates an explicitly sexual reaction.

Their forbidden romance, as well as the mixing of Desire and Danger, encompasses sadomasochistic impulses, part of the dynamic between Fae and human. Moreover, the attraction between Callie and Mendax is, in part, a reckoning of likeness in the other, as both Callie and Mendax are single-mindedly ruthless in pursuit of their goals. They both put aside romantic relationships and even close friendships, apart from a few trusted people like Eli/Earl and Walter, respectively. Callie’s exterior goal has long been the study of luna moths, but her interior goal is to kill Mendax so that the golden fairy will return the missing half of her heart. Similarly, Mendax’s exterior goal is to carry out the Queen’s plan of destroying the human world, while his interior goal is to not have to kill Callie himself because he likes her too much. This furthers both Callie and Mendax’s Emotional Complexity, as well as highlighting their similarly ruthless goals: Each character is willing to commit violence and murder, but tucked beneath this hard mask is emotion. This complexity is demonstrated when Mendax secretly saves Walter, and Callie’s is explained when it is revealed that half of her heart is in the possession of the golden fairy.

The attraction between the two lovers must be denied and delayed—a common trope in the romantasy genre. Mendax is horrified at the idea of becoming bonded to another, human or otherwise; this conjugal arrangement will cost him, according to Fae lore, half of his powers, and he is unwilling to relinquish any such potency. Thus, his attraction to Callie must be tempered by loathing: “Interesting creature, this girl. Assassin or not, she was very intriguing. Disgusting and deserving of only death, but intriguing nonetheless” (149). Eventually, however, he turns over the task of killing her to winged beasts, highlighting the fact that he does not truly want her dead. Callie, too, grapples with Desire and Danger, fighting against her physical desire for Mendax: “He was the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen. Muscles and sharp lines sculpted together with wisps of danger and power” (185). They are drawn to each other’s strength, both of body and character, complicating their mutual fear that the other seeks to hurt them, which is true in both cases.

Callie and Mendax’s unbidden attraction to one another masks a dangerous impulse due to their power dynamic while Callie is in the realm of the Unseelie. Callie becomes not only his prisoner but also his possession: “I’ve recently decided I don’t like others touching my things, touching what’s mine,” Mendax announces to his court after killing one of its members for extending kindness to Callie (187). This act implicitly condones violent, potentially deadly romantic and sexual interactions, which further complicates Desire and Danger amongst enemies. As Callie is currently Mendax’s prisoner, though also a prisoner in disguise, Mendax calls her “pet” and drags her “behind him like a dog,” removing any lingering agency as a prisoner but with hidden power as a secret assassin who is very close to her target (181). The tropes of sadomasochistic domination and submission are at play here, but these dynamics skirt expected territory, as Callie ultimately holds the upper hand through her seduction of the prince.

Mendax’s decision to put Callie through a series of trials rather than kill her himself both relieves the tension of their dynamic of Desire and Danger and gestures toward the literary tropes of a series of trials a hero or protagonist must face in order to win something they desire. Through this series of trials, Callie can earn her freedom and prove herself worthy of Mendax’s affections, ultimately altering their power dynamic.

Structurally, the shift in perspective, with Mendax’s short chapters interspersed through Callie’s more prolific chapters, conveys a sense of Mendax’s rapid thinking and Callie’s long-held plan to assassinate Mendax. While Mendax adapts, Callie waits, revealing that his weakness is ultimately his attraction to her.