How I Learned to Drive

“Lord, gal—your mind!”

Peck says this to Li’l Bit in the first scene, when he tells her he wants to climb into the bathtub with a bottle of the shampoo she uses and she scolds him to “[b]e good” (10). As Peck has been sexual with her for years, Li’l Bit is not wrong to imagine that this particular comment will have sexual undertones. However, Peck turns the tables to suggest that she, not he, is fixating on sex. Peck frequently uses this technique to manipulate Li’l Bit. Doing so both absolves him of guilt and enables him to forget that Li’l Bit, a minor and his niece, does not have the power of consent.  

“I held you, one day old, right in this hand.”

Peck’s control over Li’l Bit is established early in the play when, during Mother’s discussion of Li’l Bit’s birth, he tells Li’l Bit that he held her in his hand when she was one day old. His holding her in his hand is a metaphor for his authority. Throughout the play, Peck insists Li’l Bit has the control in their relationship; he frequently reminds her he won’t force her into physical intimacy. However, as an older, male family member, Peck intrinsically is in a position of power. He also manipulates her by suggesting he is owed her attention, asking, for example, if he “get[s] a reward” (11) because he didn’t drink all week and suggesting she let him undo her bra. His pretense at giving her control is belied by his position of authority and his constant sexual requests and innuendos, and it takes Li’l Bit years to gain the confidence to resist him. 

“How is Shakespeare going to help her lie on her back in the dark?”

Just as Li’l Bit’s nickname reduces her to her sexuality, Grandfather’s question suggests Li’l Bit’s value lies solely in her serving as a sexual partner for a man. When Li’l Bit says she wants to study Shakespeare in college, Grandfather, who in this scene has made many crude remarks about her large breasts, argues that studying Shakespeare is pointless because “[s]he’s got all the credentials she’ll need on her chest” (14). Grandmother states several times throughout the play that Grandfather is interested in her only insofar as she cooks for him and has sex with him. In this passage, Grandfather illustrates that in his mind—and in society at-large—women need not have any skills beyond those which satisfy the physical needs of men.  

“As a last resort, when going out for an evening on the town, be sure to wear a skin-tight girdle […] so that if you do pass out in the arms of your escort, he’ll end up with rubber burns on his fingers before he can steal your virtue.”

As Li’l Bit becomes intoxicated during her dinner out with Peck, Mother emerges to explain “A Mother’s Guide to Social Drinking” (18), which focuses on choosing which drink to order and what to do if you drink too much. She explains her final rule as Peck prepares to bring Li’l Bit out to his car. According to this rule, women can help avoid being sexually assaulted by wearing a tight girdle that will at least leave marks on the fingers of their dates. Mother seems to expect that men will attempt to take advantage of vulnerable women; what’s more, she seems to suggest that the responsibility lies with the women. The play is rife with examples of victim-blaming—for example, Aunt Mary blames Li’l Bit for Peck’s interest in her, and Mother later tells Li’l Bit that if she goes on a road trip with Peck, she will hold her responsible if Peck molests her. Because men are seen as incapable of controlling their impulses, the onus, according to Mother, lies on women to keep themselves safe.  

“What are we doing? We’re just going out to dinner.”

After their date at the restaurant, during which Peck encouraged her to order several cocktails, Li’l Bit sits with Peck in his car until her stomach settles. Li’l Bit says, “What we’re doing. It’s wrong” (22). She adds that “[i]t’s not nice to Aunt Mary” (22). This quotation, which is Peck’s response, shows him professing innocence. It allows him to get what he wants—a romantic dinner with Li’l Bit, whom he treats as an adult and a love interest—while avoiding reckoning with the immorality of what he’s doing. However, this feigning innocence is manipulative, for it forces Li’l Bit to question the reality of what she is experiencing.  

“Nothing is going to happen until you want it to.”

As they sit in the car after their date, Li’l Bit worries that “[s]omeone will get hurt” (23) by what they’re doing. Peck asks, “Have I forced you to do anything?” (23) and assures her that nothing physical will occur until she chooses it. Peck’s use of the word “until,” rather than “unless,” indicates that he expects that they will, in fact, have sex one day. As Peck is older and in a position of authority, his statement gives Li’l Bit little choice but to expect it, as well. This passage examines the power structure that strips women of their agency by teaching them that men hold the power. Peck also, in this scene, tells her that he thought Li’l Bit was “the only one who” understood him (23). Here, he attempts to elicit sympathy and to make her feel sorry for questioning his motives. 

“We’re going to aim for some pompano today—and I have to tell you, they’re a very shy, mercurial fish. Takes patience, and psychology.”

In this scene, Peck teaches his nephew, Bobby, how to fish for pompano, a fish he says is hard to catch because “they’re frisky and shy little things” (24). His fishing for pompano is a metaphor for luring children into romantic liaisons, with whom he also must use “patience” and “psychology.” We have seen this patience and psychology in his dealings with Li’l Bit, whom he nurtures and manipulates, telling her he is happy to wait until she’s ready and whom he tries to convince his intentions are benign. At the end of the scene, Peck invites Bobby to drink beer and eat crab salad in a treehouse, “a secret place” (25) he must not tell his mother or sisters about. This passage illustrates Peck’s methods as he entices children to spend time with him and to hide his inappropriate contact with them. 

“Well, I don’t know how much pain a fish feels—you can’t think of that.”

When Bobby begins crying because he believes the fish they’ve caught feels pain, Peck tells Bobby that he “can’t think of that” because “it’s just a fish” (25). It’s a revealing glimpse into Peck’s own psychology as he seduces children like Li’l Bit and Bobby. Despite his kindness with them, Peck is deliberately insensitive to the effect his actions have on them. One cannot fish, he suggests, unless one puts the fish’s pain out of one’s mind. Similarly, Peck does not think of the pain of the children he abuses; interestingly, this would seem to imply that if Peck were to consider that pain, he would not or could not abuse them.   

“I picked your grandmother out of that herd of sisters just like a lion chooses the gazelle.”

Grandfather tells Li’l Bit about how he chose Grandmother to be his wife. By likening his wife to a gazelle and himself to a lion, he dehumanizes his wife and casts himself as a predator. His comment that he caught her because she was “the plump, slow, flaky gazelle dawdling at the edge of the heard” (26) suggests he is aware of, but unconcerned with, her vulnerability. This passage reinforces stereotypes of men as animals who can’t control their impulses and women as prey. 

“It’s true. Men are like children. Just like little boys.”

Mother and Grandmother discuss how Grandfather “is ruled by only two bosses! Mr. Gut and Mr. Peter!” (27). In How I Learned to Drive, men are frequently seen by women as unable to control their impulses and therefore not responsible for their actions. In this scene, Mother and Grandmother compare men to “bulls,” cavemen “crouched on their haunches over a fire” (27), and children who can’t control their basic impulses. Men’s misbehavior is expected and accepted, and women assume responsibility of the damage done. 

“Oh—this is the allure. Being older. Being the first. Being the translator, the teacher, the epicure, the already jaded. This is how the giver gets taken.”

Li’l Bit describes an incident in 1979, when she is 28 years old and meets a teenage boy on a bus. She takes him to her apartment for sex and afterward lies in bed thinking about Peck. She feels she now has a better understanding of Peck’s behavior. The sensations she describes—that of being older, more experienced, and in a position of authority—are those of self-importance. The passage suggests that Peck’s relationship with her made Peck feel more powerful. 

“It’s not fair! Why does everything have to hurt for girls?”

Li’l Bit asks this question of Mother and Grandmother as they discuss whether sex hurts the first time. Grandmother exaggerates the pain, telling her it’s “agony” and that “[y]ou think you’re going to die” (30), whereas Mother says it hurts “just a little bit. Like a pinch” (29). Li’l Bit’s frustration reflects her feelings not only about sex but also about life for girls in general. Throughout the play, she is exposed to teasing, humiliation, and physical abuse. She is introduced at an early age to misogyny and sexual objectification. In this quotation, she expresses anger at the injustice of women’s secondary place in society. 

“Okay. Now. Show me what you’re going to do before you start the car.” 

“I don’t know.”

Learning to drive is a metaphor for sexual initiation. Peck’s showing Li’l Bit what to do before she starts a car is a reference to his leading her from sexual innocence to sexual knowledge. In the scene that follows, Peck’s showing her where to put her hands and feet and how to adjust the controls is easily interpreted as his teaching her what to do with a sexual partner. Peck, in this scene, is patient yet firm, showing the “psychology” he alludes to in his fishing lesson with Bobby and also that he is in a position of authority. 

“It doesn’t have to be a ‘she’—but when you close your eyes and think of someone who responds to your touch—someone who performs just for you and gives you what you ask for—I guess I always see a ‘she.’”

This quotation is Peck’s response when, during a driving lesson, Li’l Bit asks why he refers to his car as “she.” His comment suggests he enjoys driving at least in part for the control he has over the car. It is reminiscent of Li’l Bit’s realization that Peck seduced children because it put him in a position of authority. In both cases, Peck’s enjoyment comes from having his needs fulfilled. Li’l Bit tells the audience that in response to Peck’s statement, she closed her eyes “and decided not to change the gender” (35). Her acceptance of Peck’s explanation shows her acceptance of his attention and authority. 

“Rage is not attractive in a girl.”

When Jerome, a classmate in middle school, pretends to have an allergic reaction and then grabs Li’l Bit’s breasts, Li’l Bit is incensed. A female classmate tells her that “[r]age is not attractive in a girl” and that Li’l Bit should “[g]et a Sense of Humor” (36). After being victimized, Li’l Bit is chastised for defending herself; it is she, and not the boy, who is blamed. Girls are expected to be demure and polite, whereas misbehavior is to be expected and accepted in boys. Li’l Bit is thus not only sexually accosted but also emotionally manipulated. This passage echoes Mother’s rules for drinking, in which women can be “a little gay” (18) but not “sloppy” (18). 

“You know, you should take it as a compliment that the guys want to watch you jiggle. They’re guys. That’s what they’re supposed to do.”

At the Sock Hop, a male classmate, Greg, continues to ask Li’l Bit to dance, despite her rejecting him each time. Li’l Bit tells a female classmate that she feels “self-conscious” (38) because she is constantly looked at and that she suspects Greg “asks [her] on the fast dances so he can watch [her]—you know—jiggle”(38). In response, Li’l Bit’s classmate tells Li’l Bit that this behavior is to be expected because that’s what boys do and that Li’l Bit should appreciate it. Li’l Bit continues to feel isolated in a world in which everyone around her is desensitized to women’s sexual objectification. Like Mother and Grandmother’s arousal when discussing men’s brutishness, the female classmate’s desire for Greg’s attention and her comment, “I wish I had your problems” (38), demonstrates how women accept this power structure. 

“It’s not anything shameful.”

When Peck reveals that he intends to submit the photos he takes of Li’l Bit to Playboy once she turns 18, Li’l Bit expresses horror that he would expose her to the gaze of other men. Vogel, through a stage direction, indicates that Peck “knows he’s made a mistake” (42). Peck then insists that “[t]here’s nothing wrong in what we’re doing” and that it isn’t shameful. This passage is similar to other passages in which Peck manipulates Li’l Bit by insisting something she knows is wrong is in fact normal and appropriate. However, this passage goes further by showing that Peck himself knows he is not telling the truth. His knowledge that Li’l Bit would object to his plans, and his decision to go forward with it anyway, and even to hide his intentions, shows the depth of his exploitation.  

“I have loved you every day since the day you were born.”

After Peck and Li’l Bit discuss his plans to submit her photos to Playboy, Li’l Bit is upset, and Peck asks her to look at him. Li’l Bit refuses. Peck tells her he loves her; when she opens her eyes, he takes another photo. He then tells her he’s loved her since she was born, and Li’l Bit, after a few moments, looks at him and unbuttons her shirt. Li’l Bit’s concession after Peck professes his love for her illustrates how Peck’s “patience” and “psychology” succeed in making Li’l Bit feel that she owes Peck her attention and perhaps even how it makes her feel special. Throughout the play, Vogel suggests that women are taught to satisfy men and to not make trouble. This passage shows the effect these messages have on Li’l Bit. It also shows how Peck manages to make the intimacy he imposes on Li’l Bit appear to be Li’l Bit’s choice. 

“And I want to say this about my niece. She’s a sly one, that one is. She knows exactly what she’s doing; she’s twisted Peck around her little finger and thinks it’s all a big secret. Yet another one who’s borrowing my husband until it doesn’t suit her anymore.”

Aunt Mary tells the audience she blames Li’l Bit for manipulating Peck. She resents Li’l Bit for occupying her husband’s time and looks forward to her going to college so Peck will once again “sit in the kitchen while I bake, or beside me on the sofa when I sew in the evenings” (45). By holding Li’l Bit responsible for her own abuse and for blaming her for the troubles in her own marriage, she validates the lessons Li’l Bit has learned about the expectations placed on men and women and on the double standard from which women suffer. 

“I have a fire in my heart. And sometimes the drinking helps.” 

On Christmas, when she is 13, Li’l Bit finds Peck alone in the kitchen, washing dishes and clearly upset. Li’l Bit asks that Peck not drink anymore that night and asks why he drinks as much as he does. Peck sometimes alludes to his haunted past, telling Li’l Bit that he doesn’t visit his home in South Carolina often to prevent his mother from having “a daily reminder of her disappointment” (20). He also, according to a stage direction, becomes “[s]uddenly taciturn” (19) when Li’l Bit asks him about his time in the Marines during World War II. Aunt Mary explains that Peck doesn’t often talk about his problems, for “[t]he men who fought World War II didn’t have ‘rap sessions’ to talk about their feelings” (44). Peck, in this quotation, shows the pain of the past and how people, even with their flaws, are complex. In the play, characters are often damaged but sympathetic; Li’l Bit herself feels sympathy for him and suggests they meet once a week to discuss his troubles. Li’l Bit’s referencing this line in the final scene of the play—she says she’s “lived inside the ‘fire’ in [her] head ever since” Peck first molested her (57)—shows how she, too, is affected by the past.  

“Sometimes I think of my uncle as a kind of Flying Dutchman.” 

Speaking to the audience after relating how she never saw Peck again after the night of his proposal and how he drank himself to death seven years later, Li’l Bit likens Peck to the Flying Dutchman, who can be released from his curse only if, after seven years of wandering, he finds a woman “who will love him of her own free will” (55). She imagines Peck “driving up and down the back roads of Carolina—looking for a young girl who, of her own free will, will love him” (55). The Peck of Li’l Bit’s imagining faces an impossible task, for as the play suggests, a young girl cannot truly love of her own free will a man who yields such power over her. Li’l Bit seems simultaneously to acknowledge her uncle’s failings and sympathize with him. This quotation draws attention once again to the complexity of human beings, and,  specifically, both Peck and herself. 

“Just because you lost your husband—I still deserve a chance at having a father!”

In this scene, Li’l Bit shows, at last, the first time she was molested by Peck. It begins with Li’l Bit arguing with her mother over whether she can go on a trip with Peck; Mother at first refuses to let her, saying she doesn’t like the way Peck looks at her and that she is “not letting an eleven-year-old girl spend seven hours alone in the car with a man” (55). In this quotation, Li’l Bit reveals that she seeks in Peck a father figure, not having had a father herself. It demonstrates her connection to Peck and why, in part, she seeks to please him. It also makes more tragic Peck’s betrayal of her trust and the pain she suffers at his hands. 

“That was the last day I lived in my body.” 

In the final scene, Li’l Bit alludes to the effect her uncle’s abuse had on her and what kind of a person she is today. Her statement that the day he first molested her was the last day she lived in her body suggests that she felt disconnected from her body, much as she is the night of the Sock Hop, when she states her breasts are “like these alien life forces, these two mounds of flesh [that] have grafted themselves onto my chest” (38). Her body, she’s learned, brings unwanted and unsolicited attention. Her separating herself from her body is a defense against these assaults.