How I Learned to Drive

One evening in 1968, Li’l Bit and Peck are dining at a restaurant on the Eastern Shore in Maryland. As she returns from the ladies’ room, Peck tells her he chose this restaurant because she’s interested in history. He tells her a story about how the town managed to escape being attacked by the British. 

Peck asks her if she’d like a cocktail; he says he will not drink as long as she’s with him. After Li’l Bit expresses horror, reminding him she isn’t legal, he tells her they’re celebrating her getting her driver’s license and that on the Eastern Shore, restaurants are more “European,” in that they are “very understanding if gentlemen wish to escort very attractive young ladies who might want a before-dinner cocktail” (18). Li’l Bit relents. 

Female Greek Chorus appears as Mother, who relays “A Mother’s Guide to Social Drinking,” a list of rules for how a woman should drink while on a date with a man. Among the rules is that a lady should not get “sloppy,” though she can get “tipsy and a little gay” (18). She also shouldn’t order “ladies’ drinks” (18), or drinks with sugar or an umbrella. When Male Greek Chorus, as Waiter, approaches, Peck tells him “[t]he lady would like a drink” (19). Li’l Bit asks if a martini has sugar; when Waiter, who realizes she is underage, tells her there is not, she orders a dry martini. When she finishes it, Peck orders her another. 

Li’l Bit questions Peck about growing up in South Carolina and being in the Marines. He seems reluctant to answer all her questions. He tells her he doesn’t intend to go back to live in South Carolina because his mother would find him “a daily reminder of her disappointment” (20). Li’l Bit grows more and more intoxicated. 

Female Greek Chorus, as Mother, warns that ladies shouldn’t leave their drinks unattended. She offers advice on what to do if a lady finds that she’s had too much to drink, suggesting she can find a corner bathroom stall and make herself vomit. 

Li’l Bit, clearly drunk, asks for another martini; Peck orders one from Waiter, who reluctantly complies. When Li’l Bit calls Peck “Uncle Peck,” Waiter becomes cold. Drunk, Female Greek Chorus, as Mother, is escorted off stage by Waiter, bragging that she “once out-drank an entire regiment of British officers” (21) and advising how a lady can avoid having her “virtue” (21) stolen at the end of a date. 

Peck helps a heavily intoxicated Li’l Bit to his car. When they arrive, he tells her they are going to “sit here until [her] tummy settles down” (22). Li’l Bit asks if he is going to take her upstairs; Peck asks if she wants to go upstairs. Li’l Bit says what they’re doing “isn’t right” and that it’s “not nice to Aunt Mary” (22). Peck says they’re “just going out to dinner” (22) and that Li’l Bit should “let [Peck] be the judge of what’s nice and not nice to [his] wife” (22).  

Peck reminds her that he hasn’t “forced” (23) her to do anything and that “nothing is going to happen between us until you want it to” (23). After a few moments, he asks her if she wants something to happen. Li’l Bit kisses him and says she doesn’t know. Peck, encouraged, says he’s happy to wait, that he’s “a very patient man” (23) and that he’s “been waiting for a long time” (23). 

When Li’l Bit begins to fall asleep, Peck retrieves a blanket from the back and places it over her. He then exits the car and walks toward the audience. 

Peck tells his nephew, Bobby, who is not on stage but rather imagined by the audience, that they’re going to fish for pompano, “a very shy, mercurial fish” (24). It takes “patience” and “psychology” (24) to catch them. He tells Bobby to help himself to crab salad or beer. 

Peck says that “you don’t want to get too close” (24) to the water because pompano are “frisky and shy little things” (24). When something bites, Peck instructs Bobby to make sure his movements are “not too sharp” (24). When they pull up the line and find a pompano, Peck is proud of Bobby, for they “are hard to catch” (24). 

Bobby begins crying and asking if fish feel pain; Peck says he doesn’t “know how much pain a fish feels” (25). Bobby is embarrassed for crying; to comfort him, Peck tells him he’s “just real sensitive” (25) and that “that’s wonderful at your age” (25). He asks if Bobby wants him to cut the fish free. After he does, he assures Bobby the fish will “swim back to its lady friend” (25) and that “they’ll do something alone together that will make them both feel good and sleepy” (25). 

Peck assures Bobby that he won’t tell anyone he was crying. He invites him to have beer and crab salad in a treehouse, “a secret place” (25) Bobby can’t tell anyone about.  

In a new scene, Li’l Bit sits at the kitchen table with Female Greek Chorus, as Mother, and Teenage Greek Chorus, as Grandmother. Mother says that “[m]en only want one thing” (25) and that women shouldn’t give it to them. Grandmother says Grandfather “is just a big bull” (25) and that they have sex twice a day. Mother asks Grandmother if she has ever experienced an orgasm. Grandmother says “[t]hat’s just something you and Mary have made up” (26). They discuss how Grandmother was only 14 when she was married.  

Grandfather comes into the kitchen for a cookie and says he “picked your grandmother out of that herd of sisters just like a lion chooses the gazelle—the plump, slow, flaky gazelle dawdling at the edge of the herd” (26). Mother and Grandmother discuss the importance of keeping a broom, rolling pin, or fry pan around with which to hit their husbands. After Grandfather leaves, Mother and Grandmother continue discussing men’s sex drives, growing more and more “raucous” and “aroused” (27).