How It Feels To Float

Biz and Jasper frolic like “two merpeople” (234) in the ocean, and later, Biz takes lots of Polaroids. As the images develop, she sees one in which her father is surfing in the background. The photo speaks, and her father tells her he loves this beach, that he and Biz’s mother used to come there, and how much he loved her then. Jasper and Biz walk along the surf, talking quietly and wandering along the beach. On the back of the motorcycle on the way home, Biz decides she needs to find her father, to return to places that meant much to him, reclaim him. She begins to think of a road trip with Jasper.

When Biz gets back home late, she tells her mother about the day at Cunjurong. Her mother remembers a day she spent there with Biz’s father years earlier, although Biz already knows.

Jasper and Biz leave together for Sydney, Biz deciding that the city where her parents first lived would be the best place to start. As they head to the city riding along the ocean, Biz, still fixated on death, worries they might die in an accident. By noon they arrive at the apartment where her parents lived when her mother was pregnant with her. Biz recognizes the corner building overlooking the ocean from old photos. Jasper and Biz walk around the outside, and Biz takes pictures. Biz considers actually knocking on the door of the flat but decides not to. Jasper leaves her alone and waits for her down by the ocean. As Biz remembers stories her parents told her about their time in Sydney, she begins to cry. Her father, however, does not appear to her. She feels disappointed. This did not work. She heads down to the sea to find Jasper.

Next, Biz decides she should go to Temora, a town more than five hours inland, where her father grew up. Her mother objects and cannot understand why Biz is doing this instead of finding work and getting her life back on track: “Time only ever goes forward…You can’t undo anything, ever” (250). But Biz is determined. Sylvia offers Biz her old car to make the trip, but Biz decides to take the train. She only has $32, and she decides to sell the digital camera her mother gave her for $1000. She wants to send an email inviting Jasper to come, but her alter ego, “Dark Biz,” mocks her for thinking Jasper would take off school to go with her. Instead, Biz just sends a text telling him she is leaving for Temora. The night before Biz departs, her mother barely talks to her. Biz cannot bring herself to tell her mother she is leaving the next day. Biz makes a lasagna dinner. She wants to explain why she needs to go to Temora, but she says nothing.

Biz departs in the morning. She watches the ocean as the train pulls along. The ocean is stunning—the morning sun stepping on the waves “like a goddess” (265)—and Biz snaps photos. She feels herself floating above the train, above the ocean. During the long train ride, Biz talks herself out of turning around. She gets an urgent message from her mother asking where she is, but Biz does not answer. At this moment, Biz is not even sure who she is: “My body is not even slightly the same body I had when I was born” (272). She feels reborn—when she is stunned to see Jasper waiting for the train at Moss Vale.

The reunion is invigorating for Biz, and she shakes with unexpected joy. “Here we are” (276), she says triumphantly as they share a muffin Jasper packed. They board the train and continue west. They talk happily about being co-runaways, “two villains” (279).

They arrive finally at the Cootamundra station and step off the train into the fierce heat of the Outback. They head to a vegan restaurant for lunch. Biz is intrigued by a wall of framed photos, as each image speaks to her, each telling her its story. The voices overwhelm her, and she rushes out of the diner. Biz wants to explain to a concerned Jasper about the visits from her father, about hearing photos talking to her, but she says nothing.

As they wait on the platform for the connecting bus to Temora, Biz reluctantly decides to call her mother, who has left dozens of messages. She assures her mother she is fine and tells her she is heading to Temora. Her mother begs her to be safe. Jasper and Biz board the bus and head into the Outback.