How to Say Babylon: A Memoir

Safiya spends another year studying with the Old Poet and publishes poems regularly. He tries to get her to enroll in classes at the University of the West Indies (UWI), where he works, but her parents cannot afford it. She confides in the Old Poet that she believes she will not survive living in Jamaica, and he agrees.

Safiya and Lij go to SAT Prep classes in the hopes that it will help them get a full scholarship to a college in the United States. Esther eventually asks Safiya if she would like to go to a modeling scout event, which Safiya does, figuring she has nothing to lose. There, Deiwght Peters signs her to the Saint International modeling agency.

Howard is unhappy with Safiya’s decision to model, so Safiya returns to living with Sweet P as she goes through modeling training before the Fashion Face of the Caribbean modeling event in Kingston. She models extremely well, indicating she could have a lucrative and successful career.

While Safiya pursues modeling and poetry, Lij becomes a high school debate champion, Ife throws herself into her ambitious studies, and Shari becomes an award-winning dancer. Safiya notes that they are all over-achievers in their own unique ways.

Both the Old Poet and Howard disapprove of Safiya’s modeling ambitions. However, Safiya begins to see the value of her body and enjoys dressing up in various outfits for auditions. One day, Howard drives Safiya to an audition that features suggestive clothing. He is outraged at her outfit and refuses to drive her to the audition building, telling her that he is ashamed of her. She says, “Okay,” and walks the rest of the way, determined not to let him hold her back anymore.

Safiya travels to the United States for some modeling gigs and to be scouted by the Wilhelmina Models agency. The scout asks her to cut off her dreadlocks—she cannot be a model with her hair the way it is. Safiya calls her mother that night to ask permission to cut her hair, but Esther answers that she needs to ask Howard. When Safiya asks to see her Aunt Audrey who lives in Florida, Howard accuses her of trying to run away and demands that she come home. Safiya feels like she has no choice but to return; she realizes that she is unable to escape her father.

Safiya’s body once again belongs to her father because he dashes her modeling dreams with his refusal to let her cut her hair. While Howard controls her body, the Old Poet controls her mind, and Safiya spends more and more time with him.

The Old Poet has Safiya memorize Andrew Marvell’s 1681 seduction poem “To His Coy Mistress” and asks her if she understands it. They then spend time at the computer, line-editing her work. To flirt with Safiya, the Old Poet offers her a glass of ice water that he’s drunk out of. Seeing his food residue on the rim, Safiya is disgusted, but when Old Poet is disappointed she doesn’t want to drink out of the glass after him, she drinks to appease him. The Old Poet then spins her chair around and kisses her forcefully. Safiya goes limp, not responding or reacting. When the kiss is over, the Old Poet is smiling happily, but Safiya is silent. When she leaves the house, she feels marked by him in some capacity.

Safiya is confused and hurt by this incident. She doesn’t want to get the Old Poet in trouble because she doesn’t want their poetry lessons to end. She also feels like no one will believe her if she tells them what happened. The Old Poet never addresses the kiss but does continue to reward Safiya professionally, publishing her poems, giving her an audience, and introducing her to other famous poets.

Her poem “Silver” wins second place at the Jamaica Observer Annual Literary Awards, which makes Safiya the youngest-ever winner. Esther accompanies Safiya to the ceremony. There, the Old Poet comments on Safiya’s dress and grabs her thigh. When Safiya tells her mother what he did, Esther tells her not to pay attention to the man because he is drunk.

“Silver” eventually becomes an important poem in Safiya’s career. Her work is added to the Jamaica Archives, a national repository, and she is asked to give a guest lecture at UWI about her journey to becoming a writer. During the Q&A following the talk, a young Rastafari man asks Safiya to “Gimme some of the silver, deh” (233), an inappropriate and seemingly sexual demand. After he is escorted out, the Old Poet apologizes to Esther, who is in the audience, and calms the audience with a joke, allowing the Q&A session to continue. Safiya thinks about the Rasta man for days, wondering what exactly he wanted.

Following the lecture, Safiya goes to the Old Poet’s house with her parents. The Old Poet allows Safiya to pick out any book she’d like from his bookcase, so she chooses Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales. As they leave to go home, the Old Poet hugs Safiya and kisses her on the cheek.

In the car, Howard becomes enraged and drives recklessly. When Safiya asks him to slow down, he accuses the Old Poet of kissing Safiya on the mouth. She tells him that’s not what happened, panicked and unsure of how far his anger will go and what he will do to her. He bans her from ever going to the Old Poet’s house again, and she agrees, praying that her compliance will calm him down.

Safiya emails the Old Poet to tell him what happened, but he dismisses the incident. Howard grows more unpredictable; he is under the influence of a new Rasta man named Jahdami. The two men share many of the same paranoias about Babylon; because of their conversations, Howard exerts more control over the family. Additionally, Howard becomes obsessed with online disinformation and conspiracy theories; he talks often about having proof that Babylon is intent on destroying Rastafari people. Esther believes her husband, but Safiya, Ife, and Shari form a secret cabal poking fun at their father’s ludicrous ideas. The girls spend more and more time together in the house because Howard does not want them to go out.

One day, just when Safiya has just about given up hope on ever escaping Jamaica, she receives an invitation to attend the 2003 Global Young Leaders Conference in the United States. She is invited to represent Jamaica because of her high SAT scores and is awarded a partial scholarship. Esther finds money to cover the rest of the trip and also gets a visa to accompany Safiya.

In the US, Safiya is overwhelmed with the feeling of freedom she experiences. On the last day of the conference, after a day of visiting the museums on the National Mall, Esther reveals to Safiya that she didn’t believe that people had gone to space until she saw it in the museum. Esther admits that she believed Howard’s conspiracy theories about Babylon’s propaganda. Safiya is angry at her mother’s naivete. However, Safiya realizes her mother needs someone to listen to her as she discovers a world outside of Howard and Rastafari, so Safiya listens patiently.

Following the conference, Esther and Safiya visit Aunt Audrey, who now lives in a fancy house in Miami with her husband Roger and their son Jason. The family is fully Americanized. At dinner, Roger jokes about Safiya’s burgeoning poetry career, and Audrey quickly calls him out on his rudeness. Roger apologizes to Safiya, and Safiya is shocked both at her aunt’s boldness and Roger’s quickness to apologize, primarily because this dynamic is so different than the one between her parents. The next morning, Safiya wakes up to her mother and aunt laughing. She realizes that Esther and Audrey have a secret group of their own, and she feels left out.

Audrey takes Esther and Safiya shopping, and Safiya asks to get her ears pierced. Esther tells her she can decide for herself since she’s old enough, and Safiya is thankful for this newfound freedom. Safiya gets her ears pierced, knowing her father will be furious. The two women are happy, but know their autonomy will end once they get back to Jamaica.

When Howard sees Safiya’s pierced ears, he tells her she has lost her purity. He begins ritually burning myrrh and frankincense every day, taking great measures to make sure his other daughters are covered in the smoke. Safiya suspects he does this to terrify them.

As Howard continues to attend his weekly Rastafari meetings and talk with Jahdami, his behavior becomes more extreme. He threatens to beat Ife with a chair when she cries from menstrual pains and he forbids Shari from performing for Queen Elizabeth’s visit to Jamaica.

After one weekly meeting, Howard comes to talk to Safiya. He tells her Jahdami says she writes like Shakespeare, which initially flatters her. He then clarifies that Jahdami means that she doesn’t write for Rastafari or Black people. She disagrees with him, but he wounds her even further by telling her poetry will take her nowhere in life. She is devastated that he could destroy the one thing that gave her life meaning.

Safiya finds her mother crouched in her bedroom one night. Esther tells her that Safiya has no idea how much Esther takes from Howard so her children can be spared. Howard has started blaming Esther for ruining his life. Safiya realizes that there is no one to stand up to her father other than her.

Several weeks later, Howard comes home and tells the family how a fellow Rasta man’s eight-year-old daughter cooked and served breakfast for a group of Rasta men. He laments the fact that his daughters are not able to do this. When he calls Safiya worthless and uses a gendered insult, Safiya stands up to him, telling him he cannot speak to her like that anymore and that she wishes she wasn’t his daughter. In response, Howard kicks her out of his home.

Following her fight with her father, Safiya paces outside. She realizes she has nowhere to go. She sees a vision of a possible future self—submissive and beaten down—if she does not escape her father.

Esther comes out and tells her, “Wherever you’re going, I’m going to” (259). She promises not to let Safiya be homeless. Esther confronts Howard, who backs down. However, he decides that their current house must be cursed, and he forces the family to move again.

Safiya begins to have terrible nightmares about the Woman in White. Soon she comes down with a fever and is unable to leave her bed. Esther tries to nurse her back to health but is unsuccessful. Safiya tells her mother she wants to die.

A few days later, Esther calls Jahdami’s wife to come to the house to help cut Safiya’s dreadlocks off without telling Howard. When they are finished washing and cutting her hair, Safiya feels much better. She keeps all of her cut-off dreadlocks in a bag.

Howard saves most of his ire for Esther and just acts hurt at Safiya’s actions. When her hair grows out and is unruly, he is happy because it looks like his hair as a child. This spurs Safiya to go to the salon to get her hair chemically relaxed. Everyone comments on how beautiful her hair looks, but Howard views this as her ultimate descent into Babylon. He is so upset that he does not speak to her for a whole year.