I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter

Olga, Julia’s 22-year-old sister, is already dead at the start of the novel. She was tragically hit by a truck while crossing the street to catch a bus, something she would not have been doing had Julia not gotten in trouble at school that day. Julia can tell that their mother wants to blame her for Olga’s death, creating further strain on their relationship.

“Saint Olga” was the perfect daughter: proper, plain, and obedient, entirely devoted to her family and perfectly content with her familiar life at home. When she was not working at the medical office, she was at the community college taking classes or helping her parents at home. She is the standard to which Julia is constantly compared, which Julia deeply resents. 

Realizing how little she knew about Olga’s life, Julia snoops through Olga’s room and eventually finds out that Olga had a long-term affair with a doctor she worked with and was even pregnant with his child. Julia is torn between sharing this shocking news with her parents, in hopes that they realize Olga was not without her flaws, and keeping the burden of this knowledge to herself, not wanting to cause her parents anymore pain. Olga is not an active character in the story, and yet everywhere Julia goes, “[her] sister’s ghost is hovering” (97). 

Julia and Olga’s mother, Amá, is strikingly beautiful for her age: she has thick, long, dark hair, a slim body, and “big round eyes that always look sad and wounded” (4). She has retained her youthful beauty, despite the many years she has worked as a house cleaner in Chicago. She fills her role as a dutiful Mexican wife, constantly cleaning and cooking at home even after she is done working—a role Julia never wants to inhabit.

Amá clearly favored Olga and constantly compares Julia to her older sister, even after Olga’s death. As much as Amá tries to force Julia into what she thinks a perfect daughter should be, Julia continues to rebel, and this relentless pressure makes her even more eager to leave home. They constantly argue, and though they do admit that they love each other, their relationship is often distrustful and hostile. 

Only when Julia visits her relatives in Mexico does she learn that Amá’s overprotective nature is the result of her traumatic border crossing—the “coyote” taking her and Apa across not only robbed them, but raped Amá while Apa was held at gunpoint. Julia also learns that Olga was the product of this assault—another family secret too painful to discuss. Once Julia knows about the extensive pain and trauma her mother endured for the sake of creating a new life in the US, she has a better understanding of Amá as a person and begins to approach their fragile relationship with more sympathy. 

Julia’s distant and indifferent father, Apa, lives a simple life: once he finishes working long, grueling hours at the candy factory, he watches TV and then goes to sleep. He rarely interacts with Julia, who thinks “life is passing him by, and he doesn’t even know it. Or he doesn’t care” (217). Even when Olga dies, he remains unemotional—a stark contrast to Amá’s overwhelming displays of grief.   

Like Amá, Apa grew up in Los Ojos, where he was the town artist. When Julia learns about his forgotten passion for art and that he sacrificed his dream to build a life of opportunities for his family, she begins to empathize with Apa. When Julia leaves for New York, she returns one of his old drawings and asks him to start up again. Though he remains characteristically unemotional, it is clear they both have a better understanding of each other, and Apa expresses his affection and love by agreeing to draw Julia’s portrait someday. 

Lorena is Julia’s childhood best friend, though they could not be more different. She is a carefree, vibrant partier obsessed with boys, but her fierce loyalty is one of the few things that provide Julia comfort during difficult times. Julia often turns to Lorena for advice, especially as the more sexually experienced of the two, and it is often Lorena who brings Julia along to parties and convinces her to break curfew. As the more level-headed of the two, Julia simultaneously keeps Lorena grounded, providing support when Lorena makes reckless decisions like having unprotected sex. 

Despite their differences in personality, they face similar hardships: their families immigrated from Mexico, and now, as first-generation Americans, they are struggling to escape the structural poverty of their traditional communities. Lorena’s family life is also fraught with grief: her father died while attempting to cross the border a second time, and her mother’s predatory boyfriend is never held accountable for his behavior. Despite her own family’s trauma, Lorena is unapologetically herself and shameless, which is what Julia admires so much about Lorena.