I Beat the Odds: From Homelessness, to The Blind Side, and Beyond

In Chapter 5, Oher describes how he became a runner after being placed in Velma’s care—a runner being a child in foster care who returns to their biological parent(s) or a friend’s (or who wanders the streets). Velma’s house was close to his mother’s, so he could easily reach the latter on foot. Sometimes, his mother would return him to Velma right away; other times, she’d let him stay a while. Carlos often came with him and sometimes, other brothers would be there too.

During Oher’s longer absences, the police would track him down. Oher’s mother learned that the police needed a court order to enter her house, so she would answer the door while Oher and his brothers hid. Bobbie Spivey eventually enlisted a male caseworker named Eric, probably hoping the boys would feel more comfortable with him. One way or another, Oher was always returned to Velma. He speculates that it wasn’t hard to learn the pattern to his running: It often happened after his family’s supervised reunions, when he was aching for his mother and siblings.

After about two years with Velma’s family, Oher and Carlos were put in the care of several others within the same year. It became apparent that not every foster parent had good intentions; as Oher later learned, some people only fostered children for the extra income the government gave them for doing so. Oher’s stays turned into mere months, making it difficult to connect with these other families. These transitions often led to him changing schools as well, making it harder to maintain his studies. Throughout it all, he kept running back home in the hopes of staying with his mother. Finally, Oher was confined to a hospital instead.

Chapter 6 details Oher’s stay at St. Joseph’s Hospital—and his eventual escape. Oher was a quiet child who didn’t express his emotions much, let alone to strangers. The caseworkers who observed him mistook his silence for repressed anger, and they set up counseling sessions to encourage him to open up.

Oher explains that he wasn’t angry but rather profoundly sad, “trying to figure out how to make it through each day without breaking down in tears” (62). He was also tall and large for his age; he’d bump into things and sometimes pound his fists in frustration, but never out of anger. Because of this misunderstanding, 10-year-old Oher was sent to St. Joseph’s Hospital to deal with his “anger issues.”

At the hospital, the children’s ward patients had meetings with psychiatrists, but Oher still kept his feelings to himself. The hospital felt like a prison, and he was even less happy there than in foster care. The one thing he liked was that he had his own room with a TV and VCR; he was allowed to watch any movies he wanted from the hospital’s collection. This felt empowering to Oher because he rarely made his own decisions—even something as small as choosing a movie.

After two weeks, Oher grew tired of the required sessions. He noticed that the hospital workers came and went from two sets of double doors, one at each end of his hallway. He also noticed the locks didn’t perfectly catch when closed, so he folded a piece of paper and stuck it in the gap of one door—opening it to no alarm. However, knowing he’d be missed that afternoon, Oher decided to wait until the next day to leave. In the morning, he let himself out with a folded paper.

Adult Oher reflects on the child welfare system and how dysfunctional it was during his childhood: “[t]he caseworkers were really overloaded, there was almost no accountability, and there were a lot of out-of-date rules kept in place by out-of-touch people” (67). Research shows that patterns of abuse and poor parenting often get repeated by children in the system who later become parents themselves. Those placed in long-term care with responsible foster families can learn healthier ways of living and turn their lives around.

Oher escaped St. Joseph’s Hospital with no resistance. He returned home and spent a few years with his mother. Adult Oher recalls the first teacher to make a difference in his life back in Hurt Village: his fourth grade teacher Verlene Logan. She exuded optimism and instilled self-confidence in her students. She also took Oher’s athletic skills seriously, telling him that he would make money with his speed someday.

Oher’s life fell back into a familiar pattern (bar the company of his siblings), as his mother continued to experience addiction and disappeared for days at a time. Oher stayed in a shelter while his mother tried recovering from substance use; they then moved to another housing project.

A growing Oher found it difficult to get enough to eat during his mother’s absences. To make up for this, he shoplifted food from the neighborhood grocery store. He also sold newspapers on weekends as Velma taught him to do, making a game out of selling every paper.

Oher attended Ida B. Wells School for seventh grade—a school which was specifically designed to help children who had fallen behind in their studies due to difficulties at home. It was a fruitful year for Oher, as the teachers truly cared and were able to reach students like him. He changed his outlook, learning to weigh the pros and cons of his actions—but was still hungry for a mentor. Oher then attended Manassas High School, where the teachers weren’t as committed. He started skipping classes but always attended lunch and after-school sports.

In Chapter 8, Oher shares his seven-year-old self’s plan for getting out of his situation. In 1993, he and his friends watched the NBA finals between the Chicago Bulls and Phoenix Suns. Led by Michael Jordan, the Bulls were trying to be the first team to win the championship three years in a row since the Boston Celtics did so in the 1960s—and they ended up succeeding. Oher watched Jordan excel at basketball, as the best player at the time and a one-man product endorsement, and realized sports was a legitimate ticket out of poverty: “MJ was never going to go hungry” (91).

Oher later realized that a dream without a plan was meaningless. Being an observer, he studied various athletes in order to glean techniques he could use. He knew he’d have to go to college, but his grades weren’t high enough for four-year schools—so he looked into community colleges instead.

After moving back in with his mother, Oher met a boy named Craig Vail who shared his desire to leave the projects and improve his life. Despite Craig not being as interested in organized sports as Oher, they were both serious about school as a means to an end and supported each other.

Chapter 9 introduces one of teenage Oher’s mentors, “Big” Tony Henderson. In middle school, Oher started getting serious about playing sports—be it in the neighborhood, at school, or for the local church. Tony was the coach for Hurt Village’s basketball league, and when some of the neighborhood children told him about Oher’s athleticism, he asked Oher’s mother if he could join the team.

From then on, Oher had a positive, stable adult to guide him. Tony was a large man—hence his nickname—so he understood Oher’s challenges as a fast-growing boy. No matter how careful Oher was, referees often called fouls on him because he seemed “domineering.” One time during summer camp, Oher became so frustrated by this that he swore at the referee before storming off. Tony tracked him down and explained that he would need to better control his emotions.

Oher found a mentor in Tony and a friend (and second mentor) in his son Steve. Like Oher and Craig, young Steve had goals and worked hard to achieve them—which, in turn, had a positive effect on Oher. Tony helped Oher transfer to Westwood High School—a vast improvement over Manassas High School. There, he played football and learned discipline and pride. Overall, Tony helped Oher form a trusting relationship with an adult outside his family, something that had been difficult to do with his constant moving. Tony also recognized Oher’s potential, investing in his development rather than writing him off as a child from the projects with no future.