If I Stay

Mia begins the chapter with a summary of her injuries, which include a collapsed lung, ruptured spleen, brain contusions, skin abrasions that will require skin grafts, and internal bleeding of unknown origin. While the medical staff discuss her condition and prepare to perform a potentially life-saving operation, they play Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries” on a CD player.

Mia observes her entire surgical procedure. While the doctors operate on Mia’s physical body, her consciousness attempts to test the limits of her out-of-body state. Though she can wander the hospital and observe what is going on, she cannot walk through doors or walls, nor can she wander too far from her physical body. 

Wandering down the corridor outside her operating room, Mia finds her paternal grandparents in the waiting room. Mia adores her grandparents. Her father and Teddy both bear a striking resemblance to “Gramps,” and “Gran” is the one who first suggested that Mia apply to Julliard. 

Gran is originally from Massachusetts and Mia’s family used to travel there with her in the summers to spend time with relatives in a Western Massachusetts lodge. One night, Mia gave a concert at the lodge for her family. It was this family concert that initiated the idea of going to Julliard. 

Gran not only supports Mia in her application to this prestigious school, she also offers to drive her from Oregon to San Francisco, California for the audition. However, when she severely sprains her ankle, Gramps offers to take Mia to California instead. 

At the audition, Mia plays a grueling number by Shostokovich, and, in spite of the pressure, she delivers a breakthrough performance. Afterwards, she and Gramps celebrate by taking an outing into San Francisco.

Attended by two nurses, Mia has been moved to the ICU after her surgery. One of the nurses, whose “skin is so black its blue” (52), is particularly kind, calling Mia “sweetheart” (52) and constantly straightening her blankets to make her more comfortable. 

Outside in the waiting room, a social worker chats with Mia’s grandparents, referring to Mia’s condition as “grave.” She urges Mia’s grandparents to contact as many friends and family members as possible to support them and Mia. While Gran talks about all the friends and family en route to the hospital, Mia is only really interested in seeing one person, Adam. She worries that Adam will have no way of finding out where she is, and this worry weighs on Mia. 

She remembers the awkward beginning of their relationship after their first date. Coming from such opposite corners of the social universe, being together took some adjustment, and they were very polite and stilted with each other initially. Going to see Adam’s band only reinforced this discomfort and these shows became a source of dread for Mia. It was not until Adam came over to her house one day that they had an important breakthrough in their relationship. Alone in her bedroom, Adam spontaneously suggests that Mia touch him, or “play him” the way she would a cello. Initially confused by this odd request, Mia obliges, and touches his body as passionately and skillfully as she does her instrument. He in turn plays her like a guitar. This moment reinforces their musical connection and dissipates the awkward tension that has characterized their relationship up to this point.