In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss

Brian Ameche (1953-2020) was an architect and the third husband of writer Amy Bloom. He is also a central figure in Bloom’s memoir In Love, the tale of Brian and Bloom’s romance, marriage, and sacrifice, which centers Brian’s story alongside Bloom’s own. As the memoir recounts, Brian began experiencing memory problems in his sixties—a relatively young age for the onset of dementia—and would eventually be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. In January 2020, Brian died at the Dignitas facility in Zurich after taking the prescribed doses of antiemetic and sodium pentobarbital.

In Part 2, Chapter 2, Bloom endeavors to identify her reasons for falling in love with and marrying Brian. Although his arrogance initially deterred her, she came to understand his many other qualities, describing him as “loyal, imperious, needy, charming, big-hearted, and just about the most selfish, lovable, and foolishly fearless person [she] had ever known” (195). Over time, Bloom became reliant on her husband’s charisma. The two developed a life of adventure and luxury. They also became grandparents together and thus learned about their capacity for love and caretaking at the same time. Their unexpected romance in middle age changed how they once thought about the future.

In Love documents how Brian’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis upsets the couple’s sense of truth and reality, as well as their plans for their life together. The disease brings personality changes that render Brian less and less recognizable to Bloom. Unwilling to stand by as his sense of self slowly erodes, Brian quickly decides that he wants to pursue an assisted suicide, saying: “I don’t want to end my life [...] but I’d rather end it while I am still myself, rather than become less and less of a person” (24). Choosing an accompanied suicide with Dignitas affords Brian autonomy over his life and death. His decision conveys his wherewithal and boldness—his refusal to bow to expectations—and thus demonstrates that he does in fact die as himself. Brian’s death is premature but, Bloom suggests, not as tragic as it might have been had accompanied suicide not been an option. He dies not only voluntarily but peacefully and with love; Bloom holds him as he passes away, telling him how much she loves him. At his memorial services, his friends and family remember his big personality, his athleticism, and his artistry. In Love similarly ends with a memory of Brian before his diagnosis—a final way for Bloom to honor Brian’s wish to hold on to his identity.

Dr. G. is the Dignitas doctor with whom Bloom and Brian work. They meet Dr. G. when he visits their Zurich hotel room to interview Brian. Before Dr. G.’s visit, Bloom realizes the power he holds over them: He “is both [their] guide through the process and a possible speed bump” (37). If Dr. G. doesn’t deem Brian fit to choose an accompanied suicide, he can deny Brian the right to this death. Bloom fears that he might impede Brian’s wishes and complicate Brian’s future.

Bloom softens to Dr. G. when she learns that he shares the same first name as her father. Brian warms to him when he and Dr. G. connect over their mutual love for the Dalai Lama. Dr. G. treats Bloom and Brian with respect during both of his interviews and all of his interactions with the couple. Neither Bloom nor Brian become well acquainted with Dr. G., but he proves to be their advocate. As promised, he consistently checks in with Brian about his wishes throughout the accompanied suicide process. He wants Brian to know what his rights are and that he and Dignitas will respect them. He also treats Bloom with dignity in the days preceding Brian’s death, respecting her loss, sorrow, and grief. He thus plays a key role in The Struggle for Autonomy and Dignity in the face of Brian’s condition.

Wayne is Bloom’s therapist. She often refers to him as “The Great Wayne,” a moniker that conveys Bloom’s respect and admiration. Wayne doesn’t typically tell Bloom what to do or why she is feeling the way she’s feeling. Rather, Wayne serves as a close listener and confidant, respecting Bloom’s autonomy while providing support.

Bloom comes to rely upon Wayne after Brian’s diagnosis with Alzheimer’s: She asks Wayne how to pursue assisted suicide and seeks his advice on how to communicate about Brian’s condition and wishes to her family. When she and Brian experience roadblocks in the medical process, Bloom goes to Wayne for help once more and explains their need to submit a psychiatric report to Dignitas. Wayne doesn’t disappoint Bloom, volunteering to meet with Brian and assess his state of mind. The subsequent letter he writes to Dignitas ultimately secures the organization’s approval.

After Brian dies, Bloom channels Wayne’s voice in her mind, imagining what Wayne would say to her while she is sitting in the Zurich airport waiting for her flight home. This episode encapsulates Wayne’s role in Bloom’s life and memoir: He offers Bloom balance and comfort when she feels most unmoored and alone.

Susie Chang is Bloom’s tarot card reader. Just as Bloom becomes more reliant upon Wayne after Brian’s diagnosis, she also grows more dependent on Susie, to the extent that while in Zurich for Brian’s assisted suicide, Bloom recalls Susie’s advice regarding Brian’s illness and impending death: “You have to drive this chariot, you have to drive it with a hard shell, because otherwise it will crush you beneath the wheel [...] You cannot let go until it is over” (20).

Bloom acknowledges that some of her readers might question her reliance on tarot but explains that Susie’s readings give her peace and grounding. In fact, the more unpredictable Bloom’s life becomes, the more reliable Susie’s readings feel. For example, when Bloom shares her and Brian’s Zurich plans, Susie assures her that they are making the right decision and that Bloom mustn’t back out of the appointment. In retrospect, Susie’s predictions prove correct, as COVID-19 breaks out shortly after Bloom flies home from Zurich.

Bloom seeks Susie’s advice and insight after Brian’s death, too. When her lights go out and her appliances die, she asks Susie if Brian’s spirit is toying with her. Susie doesn’t believe these theories, but she listens to Bloom and validates her experience.