In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss

Bloom’s tarot readings with Susie Chang symbolize balance. When Brian is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, Bloom’s life becomes unfamiliar and unpredictable. Her husband is no longer the man she married. Her marriage no longer has the future she imagined. Bloom therefore becomes reliant upon her sessions with Susie for stability and for peace amidst her despair. Susie’s readings not only give her insight into the future but also grant Bloom a sense of order and control that she otherwise can’t find.

Dignitas, the Swiss nonprofit through which Brian seeks assisted suicide, is a symbol of dignity and autonomy. In the wake of Brian’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, he and Bloom realize that their imagined future together is over. Brian will slowly become a different person and will lose his mental and physical agency. To avoid this slow and helpless death, Brian chooses to pursue an accompanied suicide with Dignitas.

Bloom agrees with and supports Brian’s decision. She extensively researches Dignitas, its competitor Pegasos, and right-to-die laws in the US. Her research proves that Dignitas is Brian’s only option. Unlike the US’s various state laws, Dignitas doesn’t require the patient to be terminally ill or within six months of death. Bloom and Brian’s loyalty and attachment to the organization convey their belief in its mission.

The sweatshirt Brian gives Bloom five months before his diagnosis symbolizes change. In Part 2, Chapter 8, Bloom describes the “very expensive and very odd present” as a “hooded marled sweatshirt with tulle trim” (79). Bloom is unsure how to respond to the gift because it isn’t her taste. She predominantly wears black and neutrals, so she is surprised that her husband would give her something so gaudy. In retrospect, Bloom feels ashamed that she didn’t understand the meaning of the sweatshirt: The gift indicated that Brian wasn’t himself. Therefore, the sweatshirt gestured to his condition and to the ways Alzheimer’s would alter his behavior over time.

Brian’s stuffed shark is a symbol of vulnerability. Around the time of Brian’s diagnosis with Alzheimer’s, his mother demands that he remove the stuffed shark from her house. In the following weeks, Brian and Bloom take extraordinary measures to donate the shark; their willingness to exert so much effort conveys Brian’s vulnerable state of mind and is why, months later, Brian’s siblings tell Bloom that “they knew something was wrong on the Shark Trip” (186). The shark is also a memento from Brian’s youth and thus symbolizes his innocence and inhibition years prior. These traits return to Brian as his condition progresses.

Brian’s B-12 vitamins symbolize avoidance and deflection. When Brian and Bloom first pursue medical attention for Brian’s memory loss, the doctor tells Brian to take more B-12. Brian abides by the orders, but the vitamins don’t improve his condition. Bloom frequently references the vitamins as evidence of Brian’s doctors’ failures and of the broader American healthcare system’s flaws and ineptitude. Instead of properly examining and diagnosing Brian from the outset of his symptoms, the doctors prescribed an ineffective placebo.