King and the Dragonflies

“My mom’s been saying we need to redecorate for years, and I think she might’ve done it, too, but now these days she mostly sits and stares, hand on her chin—until she snaps out of it and looks up with this smile. My mom’s smile drives me up the wall sometimes. I know it’s fake. She knows it’s fake. So why does she always pretend to smile?”

In the early part of the novel, grief over Khalid’s death paralyzes King’s mother. She also feels a need to mask her true emotions. Here, the author reveals details about the family that characterize them on an individual level but that also set the foundation for the story. King’s whole family is grieving, and it’s through this lens that the reader can better understand their interactions.

“Does Jasmine want to go out with me? I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I don’t think Jasmine’s ever had a boyfriend before. If we like each other, is that what we’re supposed to do? What’s the difference between liking Jasmine as a friend and liking Jasmine as a girlfriend?”

King is trying to make sense of his feelings for Jasmine in this scene. His thoughts here illustrate the identity crisis he is experiencing and his search for his true self.

“‘Why should something like that matter?’

He frowns. ‘Because it does. Of course it matters. The guy is supposed to be taller than the girl.’”

This passage shows how society’s often frivolous limitations regarding who should be together complicate and hinder friendships. Darrell likes Breanna and wants to be her boyfriend, but he’s afraid to ask her because she is taller than he is. In the case of King and Sandy, King thinks he can’t be Sandy’s friend because Sandy is gay, and King’s brother and father have voiced disapproval of gay people.

“Black people can’t be gay. [...] If a Black person is ever gay, it’s because they’ve been around white people too much.”

King’s father, Reginald, warns his son about the evils of anti-Black prejudice, but this quote shows he does not see that anti-gay bias is in the same destructive realm. The fact that he thinks white people somehow spread gayness to Blacks makes his remarks doubly bigoted. This instance contrasts his later acceptance of King’s sexual orientation, even though he admits he doesn’t quite understand it.

“After Khalid died, and after the funeral, when I watched them lower his body into the ground, this [tent] was the only place I could be where I didn’t feel like I was going to be swallowed whole, where I could take a breath and feel like I could take another after that.”

King’s backyard tent is his sanctuary. It’s also a symbol of his emotional distance from his parents after Khalid dies. The emotional gap between them does not close until the end of the novel.

“‘You’re not your body, King.’ I ask Khalid what he means by that, but he doesn’t answer. He sleeps for five minutes straight before he starts speaking again. ‘We’re all one soul. The stars are in us.”’

Dreams are the doorway to King’s spiritual quest. After Khalid’s death, he recalls the things his brother told him in his sleep about the mysteries of the universe. It gives him hope that his brother lives on in some form and emphasizes the thematic importance of one’s soul and attraction versus societal constructs that preach bodily constraints. For example, Darrell feels he can’t date Breanna because she’s too tall, and King’s family believes that Black men can’t be gay. Khalid’s message is that these “rules” are arbitrary. A person is not simply their body.

“[...] I’m happy I told the truth. I’m happy that I decided to be myself, no matter what. No matter who’ll have something to say about it or not. That’s what I’m happy about, King.”

Sandy explains to King why he is happy that he told his father he is gay even though his dad beat him over it. This lesson about being oneself instead of hiding things from people eventually resonates with King when he decides to reveal his own secret.

“There’s no such thing as happiness. No such thing as sadness, or anger, or anything else. [...]There’s just you. [...]That star inside you. Nothing can change that. Don’t forget, King.”

In this sleep-talking lecture, Khalid seems to be telling King to be himself. This advice is ironic because Khalid also unwittingly advised King to deny a part of himself when he told him not to be friends with Sandy because of his sexual orientation. 

“Where you feel all nervous and excited at the same time. I’d get that feeling for other boys but not for girls, so I knew I was gay. I never really felt that way with girls”

In trying to figure out if he is gay or not, King asks his friend Sandy, who has no doubt about his sexual orientation, how he knows. Sandy’s answer helps King resolve his identity crisis.

“Sandy tells me that he’s glad my brother’s a dragonfly. ‘No one’s really gone,’ he says. ‘That’s what I think’” 

The hope of life after death is a recurring element in the story. In fact, several characters express their belief that people live on after physical death. This passage is an important bonding moment for King and Sandy because Sandy reveals that he shares King’s belief in his brother’s eternal spirit.

“I wonder if Khalid’s mad. Mad that I don’t come looking for him so much anymore. Mad that I’ve been acting the way my mom and dad want me to act: like I’m moving on. That I’m no longer covered in sadness with each breath I take. Finding my new normal, and that my new normal is Sandy.”

This passage shows how King is progressing to the latter stages of mourning, where he is not sad and missing Khalid all the time. It’s ironic that his new normal involves rekindling his friendship with Sandy since Khalid had advised him not to be friends with him because he’s gay. However, it’s easy to see how losing someone close could cause someone to strengthen other relationships.

“My dad cracks open the eggs, pours the milk and pancake mix. I didn’t think my dad even knew how to turn on the stove.”

Before Khalid died, King’s father believed a male member of the family should be in the kitchen after age 10. Now, he cooks breakfast because his wife has shut down emotionally and stopped cooking. Abandoning this sexist idea is just one way Khalid’s death has changed him.

“I still can’t tell her the truth. If I did, not only would she stop holding my hand, but I’m pretty sure she’d stop being my friend altogether. Even worse, the smallest little part of me wants to tell her the truth, just so I won’t have to be her boyfriend anymore.”

King is afraid to tell Jasmine he’s gay because he doesn’t want to lose her as a friend. It seems safer to keep his sexual orientation a secret even though he is not being fair to her and ends up hurting her.

“He says that Sandy is gay and that he got the idea to be gay from being around you—because of you.”

The sheriff blames King for turning his son gay, even though it was Sandy who came out to King when King was still in the “might be gay” phase of his life. The sheriff, a white man, apparently thinks Blacks turn white boys gay, while King’s father once said Blacks become gay only by hanging around whites.

“We should be who we are and like who we like, no matter who’s going to laugh.”

This quote from Breanna is about her decision to be Darrell’s girlfriend even though she is taller than he is. However, it could also apply to King’s dilemma. He wants to be friends with Sandy, but his brother, father, and Darrell have all discouraged him with their anti-gay attitudes.

“Khalid isn’t a dragonfly. […] I always knew this, but I told myself he was a dragonfly anyway—told myself this lie, just so that I could try to pretend my brother might come back to me someday. But I know he won’t. Khalid is gone. That’s the most painful truth of all” (207).

Toward the end of the novel, King finally lets go of the dragonfly fantasy. The fact that he now accepts that Khalid is gone shows he is starting to heal and move on. Khalid’s death is still painful for him, but it has also changed him and made him stronger.

“Do dragonflies even know they’re alive? Do they even notice when they die?”

This passage illustrates King’s curiosity. He probably has always possessed this character trait, but his brother’s death has intensified his quest for knowledge about the secrets of the universe. This quote speaks to the novel’s motifs of the body and the soul.

“Khalid did hurt me. He might not have meant to—maybe he was only trying to look out for me—but he hurt me more than anyone else has hurt me before. He made me feel ashamed for who I am. Guilt burns through me for thinking that. For having anger for Khalid, when he isn’t even here to defend himself. Explain himself.”

In this moment, King realizes that his relationship with Khalid was complicated. The fact that he now sees his brother’s flaws and no longer just idolizes him shows that he is maturing and reaching a new level in the mourning process. He is entering a more realistic place.

“Yes, yes, yes. My father, he comes to visit me in my dreams when he can. Most times he doesn’t say a word. Just watches me with a smile. Other times, he’ll talk to me all night. Some of the things I can’t remember. It’ll be about memories, too.”

In this scene, King’s Auntie Idris reassures King that Khalid remains with them in spirit. By describing how her dead father visits her in her dreams, she affirms King’s belief that Khalid has been visiting him in his dreams. This quote develops themes of death and the novel’s motif of the body and the soul.

“The sounds of trumpets and horns and bass and voices singing songs twist and tangle, and even as they all play their separate songs, they all come together for one large chorus, like they’re trying to build up their one song loud enough to reach God.”

The trip to Mardi Gras is a turning point in the story. It represents the family’s moving on from the tragedy of Khalid’s death. It’s also the place where King reconnects with his family. In this passage, King gives the festivities a spiritual significance.

“‘You don’t care that I might be gay?’

‘[...] I don’t know what to think about that. Not yet. [...] but you should know that I love you.’”

King’s father’s response to his question is not what he hopes for, but at least his father does not reject him, as King had feared. King also expresses uncertainty about whether he is gay; however, this might be just his way of softening the question for his father as well as his own incomplete coming out process.

“He was probably scared for you. I understand that. I’m scared for you, too. [...] He wanted to protect you.”

In this passage, King’s mother explains why she thinks Khalid told King, “You don’t want anyone to think you’re gay, too, do you?” She implies that Khalid feared King would be the victim of anti-gay bullying, which seems plausible. This scene represents a re-bonding of King with his mom, whom he previously accused of not listening to him. It also allows King to move beyond his brother’s opposition to his sexual orientation.

“Before she can shut the door behind her, I tell her that I think I’m ready to see a therapist, the way she wanted me to. She gives me a smile, kisses my forehead, and tells me to sleep well.”

King’s decision to see a therapist, which he had resisted earlier in the novel, shows he is ready to move on from Khalid’s death, revealing his character growth. It also shows that he wants to focus on his own life and the questions he still has about his identity.