More Happy Than Not

Intellectually, Aaron knows that time is passing, but he can’t remember any markers of its passage. He has occupied himself with sketching memories of the life he remembers as they come and go. Reflecting on what happened with Me-Crazy, Aaron says that even though he’s alive, the attack ruined his life. Aaron looks outside and sees that it’s dark, so he knows that it’s night. He can smell food, so he knows his mother is making dinner. He doesn’t know how much time has passed or how old he is now. He gets up to check his reflection and then can’t remember why he’s standing. His mother comforts him and says that she prays the next surgery works. Eric hands him a stack of notebooks—one that Aaron journals his private thoughts in, and one that people write in when they come visit him. Aaron reads them but doesn’t remember any of the highs and lows recorded there.

Aaron wakes up from a surgery that they’re hoping will work. Evangeline tells him that he’s lost roughly a year of his life. He doesn’t recognize himself in the mirror. They test him at Leteo for a couple of days. Everyone is emotional when his memory returns to average levels. Upon returning to the neighborhood, Aaron is astonished by the many changes. Once inside the apartment, he’s surprised by the number of his drawings that cover the walls and furniture; Eric says it surprised Aaron every day the past year. Aaron goes to the grocery store and runs into Baby Freddy, who now goes by Freddy; he’s different in that he acts and looks more mature. He catches Aaron up on block gossip and events, mentioning that he’s seen Thomas and Genevieve holding hands. Aaron rushes back to the house and reads the guest book, trying to figure out what’s going on, but he can’t find anything solid.

Genevieve comes to visit. She’s emotional and happy that Aaron has regained his memory. He asks about her and Thomas, and she says they bonded because of how upset they were and how much they missed him. Feeling sick, Aaron says he needs more time before he sees Thomas. Aaron attends group therapy with others who have been unwound, though he’s the only one who experienced amnesia. One of the participants is Jordan, who flinches when he hears Aaron’s name. The group talks about Aaron’s condition once they realize who he is. He admits that he doesn’t know how to be happy for Genevieve and Thomas, and they tell him that he doesn’t have to be happy for them.

Aaron sees Brendan but avoids him. At home, he calls Thomas on the phone. They arrange to meet for lunch. Thomas is ecstatic to see Aaron, and they catch up on what’s new in life. Thomas has a job at the barbershop and is writing a script for the short film he wants to make about Aaron. He tells Aaron that he was questioning his sexuality during a visit once and that Aaron had tried to kiss him. Thinking about Thomas and Genevieve still proves very difficult and upsetting for Aaron.

After another unwind therapy session, Jordan catches up with Aaron and offers to talk. Jordan shares his own tragic backstory, and Aaron opens up a little about how much it hurts to be around Thomas when he still loves him. They agree to meet the next day to look at places that are sentimental to Aaron. Aaron gives Jordan a tour of familiar places—the comic book store, the park, the sex alley, the track—and they tell each other about their lives. Aaron decides that he wants to try to be close with Thomas and Genevieve again. He invites Jordan to the 18th birthday party Jordan had suggested Aaron throw for himself.

The day of the party is rainy, so they have it inside the apartment, with Aaron excited to welcome people into the home he’d once been so ashamed of. He realizes that no one is judging him the way he expected. He wants to accept Thomas and Genevieve’s relationship, but seeing them together is still painful. When Jordan shows up, Aaron feels better.

After the party, Aaron sits down with his journals. He knows some of the entries will make him feel terrible things, but he also knows that it’s OK to feel terrible. He feels good about the future and his ability to find happiness in it.