Ordinary Hazards

Nikki examines the door of her room and is relieved to find it missing both a keyhole and a lock.

Nikki meets the family dog, Clancy, the next day. Clancy is a huge, friendly collie, and Nikki is sure they “would get along just fine” (45).

Nikki looks through the house with Clancy for company. Everything about the house seems to suggest that it is “good” and “safe,” but Nikki wonders if it really is these things.

Three days in, she has still not spoken a word yet and is communicating entirely in nods and head shakes.

Nikki misses Carol and prays for comfort and company from God.

Nikki reflects on how the gardening tools in the backyard pantry seem more at home in their place than she does.

Nikki remembers her manners and begins to communicate in short, polite phrases. Kendall manages to get more out of her; he hears her crying at night and asks her about it. Nikki denies the crying or being afraid of anything and runs away, tired from the conversation.

Mrs. Buchanan takes Nikki to see Dr. Stern, a psychologist assigned to examine the foster children. As Nikki approaches his door, she overhears him discussing her case and background with someone on the phone. He states, “There’s no chance in hell / this kid will make it” (53). Nikki is furious at this stranger’s assessment of her and her future and is absolutely sure that he is wrong about her.

Nikki writes a letter to Carol that she knows she will never be able to send, as she doesn’t know where her sister is. She needs someone to talk to, and she wonders where their mother is.

Nikki waits for her mother to call and come collect her, but she does not.

Nikki marvels at the fragrance of lilacs blooming outside her window.

Nikki lies terrified in bed every night after Mrs. Buchanan switches off the light, waiting to be locked in until she remembers where she is. Nevertheless, the fear refuses to let her sleep, until one day she gives up and switches the light back on. Kendall sees the light on from under the door and knocks to enquire whether Nikki is okay; she assures him that she is fine.

Nikki lies awake in the dark in a house full of strangers and a head full of anger and fear. Unable to sleep, she pours out all her questions, thoughts, and feelings onto paper and feels like she finally has room to breathe and be herself again. She falls asleep easily after.

Nikki hides her writing in her dresser drawer as a secret between herself and God. She also wants to hold onto the magic of writing that she doesn’t fully understand herself quite yet.

Nikki reflects on how this is how her journey with writing began, with occasional and isolated poems and observations. Writing helped her make sense of her life and kept her going every day.

Mrs. Buchanan puts a nightlight in Nikki’s room. Nikki gives Mrs. Buchanan a jelly jar of lilacs and receives a smile in return. Nikki reflects on how lilacs smell like joy.

Nikki goes to the Star of Bethlehem one Sunday and is overwhelmed by the organ music.

Grace tells Nikki that she doesn’t belong here; Nikki already knows that she doesn’t belong anywhere.

Nikki’s visit to see her mother gets cancelled. The social worker tells Nikki that her mother had a “nervous breakdown” and is presently unable to distinguish between what’s real and what’s not. Nikki remembers how her mother used to talk to people who weren’t there. The social worker assures Nikki she can visit when her mother is better, but Nikki is in no hurry anymore.

Spring turns to summer, but Nikki feels chilly again when her mother suddenly calls.

Nikki sings all the time, and Kendall thinks she should join the choir. She reflects on how most people only talk to God once a week, but she “could / live at church” (67). She believes music is God’s favorite thing and hears the angels commanding her to sing, so she does.

Nikki describes the fragrance and colors of the flowers in bloom outside the house in the summer.

Mr. Buchanan gives Nikki warm hugs whenever he thinks she needs them. The two have music in common, as they both sing. Brad follows Nikki around everywhere, and she thinks the little boy cute. Kendall is younger, too, but protective of her like an older brother. Michael ignores her, but Nikki doesn’t mind; she senses that he is trouble, opining that he might even end up in prison one day.

One night in July, Kendall and Nikki camp out in the backyard and stargaze at night. Kendall catches a jar full of fireflies for Nikki.

Nikki performs her first solo, and Grace helps her fix her hair up. Michael is out all night drinking and using drugs, something that Mrs. Buchanan cannot tolerate; he is gone by the next afternoon. Mrs. Buchanan tells Nikki that she can take ballet lessons, and Nikki loves the slippers. She meets Lori, who lives down the street and wants to be her friend; Nikki is thrilled.

Nikki is tasked with picking grapes from the vine for jam, and independently decides to taste-test them along the way.

The Buchanan family has a Labor Day cookout at the park in the neighborhood. Visiting relatives make comments about Nikki’s presence, claiming that the Buchanans are “always taking in strays” (73). Kendall tries to soothe Nikki’s feelings, but she is harshly reminded that this is not her real family.

Mr. Buchanan teaches Nikki how to fish, and she is amazed when she manages to catch a catfish that Mrs. Buchanan later cleans and cooks.

Nikki makes homemade ice cream using a machine and is thrilled with the end result, which she shares with Lori.

At the end of summer Nikki starts at a new school called Claremont, which she thinks she will enjoy.

Mrs. Buchanan bakes Nikki a chocolate cake with buttercream frosting for her seventh birthday. Nikki has never had anyone do so before, and she cries while she eats the first slice.

Nikki’s birthday was almost perfect with a card from her mother and a gift from her father; however, she still misses Carol.

Nikki enjoys swinging and sliding at the playground, but her favorite is the seesaw because she plays on it with Lori.

Nikki reflects on how the year has passed as quickly as a flash of lightning.

Nikki is curious about how someone visually impaired would cross the street and tries to do so herself with her eyes closed; she is punished for her attempt later.

Nikki is in first grade now, with her friend Lori, and she enjoys it. She learns about Paris in school and wonders where both Paris and Carol are.

Nikki hates losing and doesn’t play games like checkers or Monopoly. She makes up games for herself using words from the dictionary instead and plays all day, satisfied that she always emerges the winner.

Nikki’s mother is doing better and calls her over for a weekend visit. The social worker thinks Nikki is lucky, but Nikki has conflicted feelings about going.

Nikki travels to the city alone by train. When she arrives at the station, her mother is not there yet. Nikki is terrified and begins wheezing. A kind man named Mr. Clarke notices and offers to help Nikki. He buys her an ice cream and goes to look for her mother. Nikki is filled with anger, doubt, and fear, as she eats. Just as she finishes the last bite, Mr. Clarke reappears with her mother in tow. Nikki doesn’t remember crying, as her mother claims she did; however, she is glad she let a stranger help her out that day: “Traveling solo turned out to be / trickier than (she’d) thought” (85).

Nikki reflects on how the location of her home keeps shifting between Manhattan, Ossining, and Brooklyn.

Nikki takes the train to the city again, this time to see her father. She wishes she had wheels instead of legs so she could get to the city fast anytime her parents called.

Over a pizza dinner, which is their usual routine, Nikki asks her father why he didn’t come for her and Carol when they were younger. Her father confesses he didn’t know how to take care of two young girls.

Nikki’s father is a “magician” with his violin but works as a buyer for a clothing factory as a day job to pay rent. He takes her to work on her visits and helps her pick out clothes to take back with her. Nikki credits her father for her excellent taste in both clothes and music.

Nikki muses about how she feels glad to be heading home on the train back to Ossining.

Nikki hopes Carol has ended up somewhere as good as Nikki has. Nikki’s father has forgotten to call.

The members of the Buchanan family lay claim to different parts of the Sunday newspaper each; Nikki has the crossword all to herself.

Lori’s mother doesn’t allow the girls to be friends anymore. Nikki hears Lori’s father call her the n-word, which sounds “ugly,” and she wonders why Lori doesn’t say anything.

Nikki has a special part in a dance recital at school, only belatedly realizing it is because the teacher didn’t want her among the white ballerinas.

Nikki is glad for winter’s arrival, blaming the shivers from heartache on the cold.

Nikki marvels at the beauty of her first snowfall. Kendall, Brad, and her climb out a window to build forts and get into snowball fights. Mrs. Buchanan eventually calls them in, and Nikki is elated at having found her “first two / true partners in crime / since Carol” (98).

Nikki’s mother finally takes her to see Carol. She lives in a place with a number of other children, and while happy to see Nikki, Carol doesn’t look happy herself. Nikki wishes Carol could live with her.

Nikki rides down Hill Street too fast and without using her hands on a bicycle, crashing into a wrought iron fence and leaving her bloody. Mrs. Buchanan doesn’t tell her off, and Nikki doesn’t tell her the ride was so thrilling that she was ready to do it all over again.

Nikki flips through the Buchanan’s family album one day and finds that a picture of her has been added to it, too.

Nikki settles into her new life and family. When she is nine and a half, her mother calls and asks her to move back in; she has just remarried and made a new home. Nikki doesn’t want to leave the Buchanans, but she finds that she can’t deny her mother’s request.

Nikki regrets having to leave Ossining before the school year ends.

“Mom B.” gives Nikki a copy of Little Women as a parting gift. Nikki gives everyone in the family lots of hugs and repeatedly tells them she loves them, as a gift in return for taking care of her all these years.