Restart

“It just started with Chase, Aaron, and Bear. Eventually, though, it spread. The other kids—well, they couldn’t help but notice that every time someone was making a fuss or protesting, stuffed into a locker or mummified with toilet paper, it was my brother. Before you knew it, Joel was the school victim and the school joke. His life was practically unbearable.”

Shoshanna describes the progression of events that led to her brother becoming the prime victim of bullying at Hiawassee. Her depiction of events is extremely realistic. Virtually every school has a student who, like Joel, ends up the butt of every mean prank. In Joel’s case, his parents moved him to a boarding school to escape.

“On the wall are two large framed photographs, and I’m surprised when I identify one of them. It’s on my wall too—part of a newspaper clipping about our football championship last year. It’s me, helmet pushed onto the back of my head, hoisting the trophy. The other is similar, although you can tell it’s a lot older. The pose is almost identical—a young player raising the same trophy. I can’t explain it, but the kid looks sort of familiar.”

Sitting in the principal’s office, Chase sees photos of himself and his father, the heroes of the school’s two state championship football teams. He recognizes this is why he is so important to his football friends and even to the principal and faculty members. It’s also a big part of the reason why Chase gets away with so much mischief.

“But the gossip around school is that the guy actually has amnesia. He doesn’t remember anything from before the accident. I thought it was just a rumor…but what other explanation could there be for why he’s sitting here with me instead of his football friends? And acting like a human being, no less?”

While filming kids in the cafeteria—and making fun of them—Brendan is approached by Chase, who asks to sit across from him. Simply sitting by someone who is not a football player is so out of character for Chase that Brendan, a victim of Chase’s bullying, realizes something is definitely going on with Chase.

“When I got amnesia, I lost thirteen years of myself. I have to replace those memories using what I can pick up from other people. But everyone has a slightly different version of me—Mom, Dad, my friends, the kids at school, even frozen yogurt girl. For all I know, the lunch ladies know me better than anyone else. Who should I believe?”

Chase is reacting to the reality that everyone who knew him before his accident is trying to help him reconstruct himself according to their vision of who he was or who they want him to be. Eventually, he determines that there is a little truth in every image of Chase, but he gets to decide which aspect will become the new, real Chase.

“I’m blown away. My record as a nerd and goody-two-shoes never seemed like much to me before. For sure, it didn’t compare to Chase’s—athlete, bad boy, big man on campus. But it was my reputation, not his, that got us out of a jam back there.”

Brendan, who has always conceived of himself as completely insignificant, is stunned when Chase points out that Brendan also has a well-known and positive reputation, even among the adults in town. This is an example of how Chase’s friends also experience their awakenings and undergo change as Chase continues his journey of personal discovery.

“Amnesia can wipe out the details of your past, but can’t change the kind of person you are. Maybe he doesn’t remember being a bully. He might have no clue that he tortured Joel to the point where he had no choice but to leave town. But when a person like that wants to know how he feels about something, and looks deep inside his bleak heart, it’s still going to be filled with acid.”

Shoshanna’s unrelenting hatred of Chase is clear in this passage. The interesting thing about this passage is her idea that, deep down, a person’s nature can never change. A person is either virtuous or evil, and not even losing the memory of who you are can change this underlying reality.

“Listen, smart guy, when you get to be my age, you don’t always remember the details of every single event I your life. But I don’t expect a young punk like you to understand that.”

This is the end of the first private conversation between Solway and Chase. Solway is abrupt when Chase asks what he did to win the Medal of Honor. This is one example of Korman’s parallelism, as Chase picks up on the reality that he and Solway have a lot more in common than one would assume.

“Chase chews it over. ‘I was in on that, wasn’t I?’ he says finally. ‘I was in on a lot of stuff. People look at me funny around here, and maybe it’s not just because I’m the idiot who fell off a roof.’”

Kimberly narrates this passage in a chapter full of mixed signals and emotions. Chase stops a football player from bullying Brendan, only to be criticized by the other footballers. When the team leaves, the video kids start to thank Chase, only to be challenged by Shoshanna, who reminds them that Chase blew up her brother’s piano while he was playing for an assembly. It seems he cannot catch a break for what he did or what he is doing, although Kimberly adores him.

“I don’t regret stopping Joey from bullying Brendan, but was fighting really the only way to make that happen? Worse, I didn’t even consider trying to talk Joey down. I just grabbed the kid and manhandled him—the same way he was manhandling Brendan.”

A recurring issue for Chase is the thrill he feels whenever he engages in physical activity, particularly competitive things. This causes him to worry that, as he recovers his memory and returns to playing football, the brutal Chase may reemerge. He is torn between the pleasure of physical contact and the loathing of hurting others.

“Shoshanna’s cheeks darken through pink and red to full crimson. I hope I never hate anybody as much as that girl hates me.”

Oblivious to the pain he caused the Weber family, Chase suggests that Shoshanna should interview Solway for her video journalism project. She tries to avoid taking the suggestion, but Ms. DeLeo insists it is a good idea. Shoshanna’s resulting rage reveals her true feelings about Chase.

“The change in Mr. Solway is incredible. His crabby glower morphs into a grin that lights up the room. Come to think of it, it makes perfect sense: Who can cheer up a miserable jerk who would never give anybody else the skin off a grape? Only another miserable jerk, someone even nastier and more selfish. The two of them were made for each other.”

Shoshanna’s hatred toward Chase is so entrenched that she cannot allow for the possibility that he can behave worthily. In this, she becomes the ultimate example of the changes in Chase. If he can win her friendship and acceptance, he must truly be a worthwhile person.

“I struggle up and try to skate away, but the wheels on my blades are jammed with syrup-soaked leaves. I take three clumsy steps before landing flat on my face, where I’m immediately buried under a canine swarm. […] ‘I don’t get it,’ Kimberly says over the dog slurping. Is this supposed to be funny?’ […] The amazing thing is that after all this, I still like Kimberly just as much as before. Maybe even more. Love isn’t just blind. It’s also totally stupid.”

This passage details the lackluster end of another of Brendan’s video shoots. Covering him with syrup and pushing him downhill through a gigantic pile of leaves proves to have a bad visual result. The smell of syrup attracts all the dogs in the park too. Despite this failure, Brendan is undaunted in his desire to produce a viral video and to win over Kimberly, who does not get Brendan at all.

“She’s been quiet up to now. But being addressed directly by Chase is too much for her. ‘How dare you speak to me?’ she seethes, her entire body shaking. ‘Everyone in my family is off-limits to you! If I had my way, you and your filthy friends would be in juvenile hall!’”

This is another instance of parallelism. Just as the old Chase reflected his father, the hot-tempered Shoshanna reflects her mother. Shoshanna had not explained her new friendship with Chase to her family, and her mother is so stunned to find them together at the ice cream shop that she orders Shoshanna to get into the car immediately.

“There’s something about being bullied that you could never explain to someone who hasn’t had it happen to them. […] You get so paranoid that with every single step you’re half expecting the floor to yawn open and swallow you whole. It got to the point where the only place I felt safe was at the piano. Until the night the piano blew up in my face, and there was no safe place anywhere.”

In this passage Joel captures the pure angst of being the victim of bullying and the uncanny manner in which bullies seem to understand your fears and instinctively know how to exploit them. The victim’s hopelessness and trapped feelings come through as well.

“She drags me into the kitchen and washes all my cuts and scratches with antiseptic. The good news is Mitzi’s bite didn’t break the skin. The bad news is every thorn and branch did. It’s the worst agony I can remember since I fell off the roof, and I can’t shake the feeling that Mrs. Weber is loving supplying it. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Joel smile. Even Shoshanna is grinning a little, although she tries to disguise it as sympathy. I don’t know what’s worse—the pain or the reason they’re enjoying watching me suffer.”

The Webers take quiet delight in Chase’s accident. Standing outside their house while waiting on Shoshanna, Chase was attacked by their dog Mitzi and fell into a bayberry bush. For the Webers, this is vicarious payback for the way Chase bullied Joel.

“There is a vicious tug-of-war for the extinguisher. With a mighty yank, Chase wrenches it out of Bear’s grasp. It swings free—just as Joel rises from the floor where Aaron tossed him. With a thud, the heavy metal strikes Joel in the side of the face and he drops back down into the foam.”

This passage captures the most terrible moment of the perfect prank. Aaron and Bear burst into the music room and begin to spray Joel and Brendan with fire extinguishers. When Brendan calls for Kimberly to get Chase, the bullies shout that this was Chase’s idea. When Chase runs into the room, he fights with Aaron over a fire extinguisher and accidentally hits Joel, at which moment teachers rush in.

“I understand why I liked it up here. It’s peaceful and private. The town is all around, but I’m above it, so nothing can reach me. […] And there’s the park where we filmed Leaf Man. Just the thought of it brings the bowling ball back to my throat. That’s the last time I’m ever going to get to work on one of Brendan’s crazy videos. Dad says the old Chase is back. I wanted that once. But right now the new Chase is the life I’d rather have. And I’ve lost that too.”

Lying on the roof outside his window, Chase can see the town spread out before him. The spots where his new life began to unfold are visible to him. He is haunted by the recognition that he has lost both the life of pre-accident Chase and post-accident Chase.

“Before I can act, though, the memory flashes in my brain. The triangular case on the dresser, flipped open to reveal the gleaming five-pointed Medal of Honor at the end of its blue star-spangled ribbon. A hand reached down for it. My hand.”

Arguing with Bear and Aaron on the football field, the boys reveal to Chase that he was the one who stole Solway’s Medal of Honor. He starts to react in anger, then the memory of his crime comes back to him. Chase realizes he was the ringleader of this little band of thieves and cannot believe the wrong he did.

“We were fine to benefit from his talent when he was with us, but we never really believe that he wasn’t the Chase Ambrose we used to know. And the first time something went wrong, we dropped him like a hot potato.”

Even before he had evidence that Chase was set up and not part of the prank on Joel and himself, Brendan felt remorse for banning Chase from the video club. Recognizing that they all jumped to conclusions about this guilt and did not give Chase a second chance, Brendan realizes that what the video kids did was just as wrong as the things Chase did before his accident.

“My hand closes on the silky blue ribbon, and as I draw it out, I feel the weight of the military decoration attached to it. The gold five-pointed star catches briefly on some insulation. And there it is, Mr. Solway’s Medal of Honor—stolen, hidden, forgotten, and discovered again.”

Having serendipitously seen the painting in the neighbor’s house, Chase realized he was at the peak of his roof when he fell. He retraces his steps to the top of the house and finds the missing medal, which he realizes he stole. This cathartically causes him to remember the fall itself. As Solway predicted, Chase had blocked out that with which he could not deal.

“It’s hard to watch, but not as hard as I thought it would be. This is not who I am, I tell myself. It’s just something that happened to me. Somehow, seeing it unfold in real time, in high-definition video, I’m able to expand the fracas in the band room to include every rotten bullying thing that was ever done to me. And here I am, alive, undamaged—well, except my eye.”

Invited to Brendan’s house to watch a video of the prank pulled by Aaron and Bear, Joel observes the meanness of what happened in a new way. That event epitomizes every act of bullying he has ever faced. This is the catalytic event that makes Joel realize he will never allow himself to be bullied again.

“It was easier when I could just hate his guts, no questions asked. But it’s not as simple as that. Now, every time I work myself into a good rage, I’ll see him trying to protect Joel, or working with the video club, or interacting with Mr. Solway. And that will ruin everything. It’s the mix of good and bad that makes my head spin.”

Having just learned that Chase was innocent of the prank in the music room and was in fact trying to protect her brother Joel, Shoshanna is on her way to talk to him. For the first time, she must deal with the reality that people are not simply good or bad but have elements of both within them. This conflicts with her nature to prejudge people.

“‘No, I’m not going to take a seat,’ Mr. Solway replies belligerently. ‘All this ruckus over a stupid medal! Well, here it is with its rightful owner. Case closed. Now, let’s all go home. It’s taco night at Portland Street.’”

This quote is delivered by Korean War veteran and Medal of Honor winner Julius Solway, who bursts into Chase’s trial just as the judge is about to sentence him. Solway, like Shoshanna, who was also a character witness, is less interested in the legal ramifications and more interested in helping Chase, whom they perceive to be a new and better person.