Saving Noah

“There weren’t any parenting books about what to do if your son was a sex offender.”

Though Adrianne’s choices in the wake of Noah’s disclosure can sometimes be debatable, here she notes with bleak irony that there isn’t exactly a manual on dealing with the situation. Her observation highlights the arbitrary, absurd nature of reality.

“When he was five, his parents brought home a new puppy and he broke all the dog’s legs. Just snapped them like twigs. He laughs every time he tells the story.”

One of the text’s arguments is that all juvenile sex offenders should not be treated the same and placed in the same facility. Lucas’s horrifying description of Joe’s history illustrates the argument. Joe, a repeat offender and sadist, is housed in the same space as 13-year-old offenders, which leads to devastating consequences for the younger kids.

“I fell in love with him instantly, marveling at his perfection and that I’d grown him cell by cell in my body. My feelings stemmed from the deepest parts of me, parts I didn’t know existed until I had him. He wasn’t a stranger when they placed him in my arms. It was like a missing piece of myself had been returned.”

The bond between mother and child and the extremes to which love pushes people are important motifs in the novel. Adrianne’s reminiscence about Noah’s birth illustrates these motifs. It also explains why Adrianne can sometimes have a blinkered view of Noah: She simply loves him too much to be objective.

“This young boy is the reason juvenile court exists…Throwing him into an adult jail would be like throwing a kitten into a pack of wolves.”

These lines, spoken by Noah’s lawyer Meryl, use a simile to highlight what would happen to a juvenile offender like Noah in an adult prison. He is bound to be brutalized like prey. The simile illustrates the novel’s argument against treating all sex offenders the same.

“He’s never harmed another human being. He didn’t even let us kill bugs when he was a kid…How could someone who hated suffering hurt other people?”

Adrianne frequently notes that Noah does not fit the profile of many sex offenders, who act out of sadism. Her observation foreshadows that Noah is not a typical juvenile sex offender; he is a pedophile. Further, Adrianne’s observation also shows that she struggles to have a balanced view of Noah, especially at the beginning of the novel. She idealizes his every action, viewing him as either innocent or a martyr, ignoring the complexity of human nature.

“I reminded myself of what Dr. Park always said in family groups, ‘We are not our loved ones’ crimes,’ hoping this time it would make a difference, but it never does. Noah wasn’t just guilty—we all were.”

Ever since Noah’s arrest, the Coates have faced increasing degrees of social ostracism. Noah may have completed the sentence, but the disdain against him and his family continues. Adrianne tries to cope by using Dr. Park’s advice, but the social judgment still hurts. Adrianne’s observation highlights an important contemporary issue, wherein society tends to blame parents for their children’s crimes, especially when it comes to sexual crimes.

“‘I miss my dad, he said, swallowing the lump of emotions in his throat…Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?’…His eyes were filled with so much sadness I felt it.”

Some of the novel’s most discomfiting passages involve Lucas’s emotional cruelty toward Noah. Here, Adrianne observes the psychological damage Lucas’s rejection is inflicting upon their son. Lucas’s negative impact on Noah also shows how intergenerational trauma is passed on from fathers to sons. Rejected by his own father, Lucas perpetrates the same cycle of emotional abandonment. This quote highlights The Complexities of Mental Health and Human Nature.

“When Katie was in preschool, there was a toddler who bit the other kids and Lucas organized a group of parents to get the child removed from school even though the kids were only three years old.”

This observation by Adrianne offers foreshadowing about Lucas’s past. Adrianne uses it in a different context: to show the suddenness of Lucas’s abandonment of Noah. She cannot believe that a father who would fight even three-year-olds for his child would turn his back on his son. However, Lucas’s punishing actions toward the little children show that he has a sinister side. It also shows that he has a punitive view of misbehavior and crimes, believing they should be crushed with an iron fist, subconsciously mimicking his own treatment at Reuters.

“Time had dragged. Nobody told me time slowed down with tragedy and how each minute became excruciating when it was painful to merely exist.”

Author Lucinda Berry intersperses the descriptions of the crises of Adrianne’s family with Adrianne’s raw observations about her loneliness. The observations humanize Adrianne and enhance the ominous, oppressive atmosphere of the narrative. The pressure Adrianne feels is palpable, and she is weighed down by sadness.

“Hope rose inside me the nights she visited.”

As these lines show, Katie signifies hope and regeneration in the text. Not only does she provide emotional comfort and relief to Noah and Adrianne, but she also signals to Adrianne that there is a tomorrow for her. The flip side of Katie’s depiction is that not much attention is paid to her well-being in the text, though she is also undergoing a terrible emotional upheaval.

“There’s no way to win when you’re a girl. You’re ridiculed for developing too early, but if you’re too late, then they call you a freak.”

One of the rare occasions in the novel when Adrianne talks of her own childhood struggles, here Adrianne uses her experience of being bullied to connect with Noah. Noah has just been so viciously beaten up that he has to be hospitalized. Adrianne explains how she was targeted for growing breasts too soon. Her disclosure highlights society’s misogyny.

“He was like the kid in treatment for smoking pot a few times surrounded by kids who shot heroin.”

When Dr. Park suggests a hang-out session for Noah with someone from Marsh, Adrianne feels uncomfortable. Adrianne dislikes the fact that most of Noah’s inmates at Marsh are far more dangerous than him. This can expose Noah and others like him to potential abuse. She uses the analogy of treating occasional marijuana users the same way as those dealing with substance use disorder with heroin to illustrate her discomfort. Although her argument for customized treatment is valid, it is also ironic that she subjects other minors to the same scrutiny that she doesn’t want for Noah.

“I have a responsibility to society to make sure I don’t hurt anyone else.”

Noah’s intended suicide note is a symbol of his honesty and conscientiousness. Though Noah is a morally complex character who has committed a sex offense against children, he is also aware of the extent of the harm he may have caused. In the note, he specifies that his redemption can only be achieved by ensuring he never harms a child again. The note also indicates Noah’s altered mental state, since he feels there is no way for him to contribute to society other than killing himself.

“[Dad’s] right. He’s always seen what you haven’t.”

This line from Noah’s note foreshadows Lucas’s history of sex offenses against children. Lucas can see that Noah deals with pedophilia while Adrianne cannot, because Lucas himself is a pedophile. Noah’s use of the word “always” is chilling because it suggests he too may be aware of Lucas’s past.

“We fear what we don’t understand, so it’s easier to think of them as monsters.”

Dr. Park explains the demonization of pedophiles: Because society cannot understand them, it prefers to see them as monsters. The truth is more complex. While Dr. Park’s explanation is valid, it leaves out the fact that people also tend to see pedophilia as highly problematic because of its impact on vulnerable children. The topic is so taboo that it is difficult to develop sympathy for Noah without understanding the intensity of his suffering through the eyes of his mother.

“Denial was a powerful protective mechanism and I felt naked with mine stripped away.”

Adrianne’s observation after learning the whole truth about Noah marks a turning point for her character. She has been mostly in denial about her son for a large part of the novel. Now, the scales drop from her eyes. Though Adrianne sees the moment as painful, it is actually liberating and signals an emotional catharsis or release.

“Do you honestly think anyone is going to spend money trying to fix us? Taking hard-earned cash and spending the resources to fix people they hate? Who’s going to fund the research? And how are they going to test it? Send a bunch of pedophiles to a playground and see what happens?”

When Adrianne tells Noah he should live because successful therapy for pedophilia is likely to be discovered, Noah, who symbolizes truth in the novel, sharply demolishes her assumptions. According to Noah, such therapy is a distant dream because no one is interested in helping pedophiles, let alone testing the therapy. Noah’s statement emphasizes his intelligence, but may also indicate his deep depression. People experiencing debilitating depression can often see no way out of their predicament.

“What kind of help would I offer people? Hey, don’t worry, you’re not alone. I like kids too.”

The novel sporadically uses bleak, stark humor to underscore a point. When Adrianne suggests that Noah can contribute to society by supporting others like him, Noah uses bitter irony to undo what he sees as his mother’s naivete.

“All he did was touch the girls. There was no penetration or insertion of any kind…It didn’t make it right. It was disgusting and wrong, but he didn’t physically hurt them. Not even close to how he’d been brutalized and stripped of his dignity…Their lives weren’t going to be ruined forever, they just weren’t…He was more of a victim than those girls, but society would never see it that way.”

One of the most problematic of Adrianne’s observations, this passage comes on the heels of Adrianne discovering bullies brutally raped Noah. To the horrified mother, Noah’s punishment doesn’t fit his crime, and she lashes out against society. Adrianne’s rage is understandable, but the assertion that the girls' lives aren’t going to be ruined by his actions is unfounded and ignorant. Further, the comparison between the girls and Noah is unnecessary: They are all victims in their way.

“The truth—no matter how much I didn’t want to admit it—was that if Noah was dying of brain cancer and didn’t want to suffer, I would help end his suffering. Was his condition any less vile, debilitating and dignity-robbing than brain cancer? I would go to jail if anyone found out I helped him. Could I risk not being there for Katie in order to help Noah? Was that fair to her? I could never tell her that I helped her brother die. She’d hate me for it. There was no question about that. I’d have to lie to her for the rest of her life. Could I live with a secret that huge? Was I prepared to live with what I’d done for the rest of my life?”

Adrianne’s series of questions as she debates helping Noah die by suicide illustrates the motif of impossible choices. The decision Noah wants from Adrianne can have no perfect outcome. If Noah dies, Adrianne suffers from the worst grief imaginable for a human being. If he lives, Adrianne is in constant fear of losing him. In either case, Katie suffers hugely.

“I never forgot there was a monster buried inside me, but as long as I didn’t feed it, it stayed dormant.”

Lucas’s statement shows that living with pedophilia is a constant battle. He must always be hyperaware of his “monster” and keep it relentlessly buried. What is questionable is Lucas’s choice to be around children when even that can awaken the monster. This quote also highlights the threat that Noah posed to Lucas, as he was a reminder of the “monster” within. This chillingly suggests that Lucas could lose control again simply by confronting the truth of who he is.

“I can go back to pretending I’m normal.”

Lucas admits he is relieved at Noah’s death as the reminders of his own past have died with Noah. However, in the next breath, he uses the phrase “pretending I’m normal” rather than something like “being normal.” The semantic difference is significant because it indicates Lucas knows his act of a regular husband and dad is indeed an act.

“But I had to go on for Katie, because being a mother means you live your life as a living sacrifice.”

Noah’s death plunges Adrianne into a grief that refuses to heal, yet she has to go on for her living child. The assertion that being a mother is a “living sacrifice” highlights the textual motif of the power of the bond between mother and child.