St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves

A Junior Astronomer named Oliver White narrates this story. Oliver gets involved in the Comical Ironical Crime Ring one summer when he travels to “the touristy side of the island” with his father and twin sister, Molly (72). They have come because his father, a retired astronaut, wanted him to spend the summer star gazing on the beach.

However, while out one evening to observe the star Alcyone, he meets Raffy, Marta, and Petey. Raffy is a bully from Ollie’s school. He has roped Marta, and Petey, a mentally challenged man who vacations on the island every summer, into a plot to steal baby sea turtles when they hatch. This plot involves dressing Petey up in twinkling lights and tin foil so that the baby turtles get confused and follow him instead of the moon.

When they meet, Ollie is worried as Raffy routinely bullies him and the rest of the Sci-Fi/Fantasy Club—although all of the girls in the club are also in love with Raffy. Although Ollie reminds him that they are classmates, Raffy still invites him to be the fourth member of the Comical Ironical Crime Ring. He also introduces Marta as “his bitch,” though Ollie finds her to be cute (77).

Raffy shows Ollie a notice about sea turtle hatchlings, which says that interfering with the baby turtles is a federal offense. The danger makes Raffy want to lure the hatchlings into a burlap sack, but he admits that he doesn’t know what he will do with them once they’ve caught them. He also explains that Petey must wear the ridiculous tin foil and lights because “it’s funnier this way” (79). Deciding that this is an evil scheme indeed, Ollie says that he is in.

The sea turtles do not hatch that night, however, though Raffy tells Ollie to meet them on the beach the next day to practice some daytime crimes. He assures Ollie that they won’t hurt anyone. As Ollie turns to go, he drops his planisphere and a copy of the Starry-Eyed Guide to the Galaxy—For Kids! which his father bought him (80). Raffy grabs the book while Ollie picks up the planisphere. He pretends he picked up a piece of trash and impulsively hurls the planisphere into the ocean to avoid embarrassment. He also tells Raffy the book is his sister’s; Raffy decides to use the log of constellations as a logbook of their summer crimes and appoints Ollie as the secretary.

Ollie arrives home late, which his father takes as a sign that he got carried away with stargazing. He supports his “Big Dipper,” though Ollie thinks of his lost planisphere (82). Upstairs, Molly—the “Little Dipper”—confronts Ollie, feeling annoyed that she’s not allowed to go out stargazing with him because she is a girl, although they are the only two members of the Junior Astronomer Society at school. She always wants to match with her twin, while he wants to be his own person. He does not tell her about the crime ring.

Ollie begins meeting with Raffy and the crime ring every day, committing small crimes that Raffy thinks would be amusing. For example, they shoplift soda and throw away the cans instead of recycling, or steal pennies from the Children’s Hospital Wishing Well and use them to buy candy.

On the fourth night of waiting for the sea turtles, Molly follows Ollie to the beach and discovers that he is hanging out with Raffy. She calls him a faker when he reveals that he doesn’t tell his new friends about his love of astronomy and stargazing.

The next night, Raffy goes to try to find a golf cart to steal, leaving Marta and Ollie to babysit Petey. Ollie likes this because he is developing a crush on Marta. She tells him that it is her birthday, and he tells her to blow out the stars and make a wish, something his mother used to do. She does and Ollie nearly kisses her until she reveals that she wished for Raffy instead.

Raffy returns with no golf cart, and the group suddenly sees two environmentalists coming towards them on the beach. Raffy worries that they will ruin the plan if they find the sea turtle nest and start observing it. Ollie tries to lead them away toward a fictional beached whale, but the environmentalists see that he is lying, so he runs all the way back to the hotel.

After this, the crimes the group commits seem to Ollie to get less comical and ironical. They try to use Petey to buy them beer, but a woman chases them away. Ollie also briefly enjoys laughing with his sister Molly about astronomy things.

The next day, Raffy and Ollie watch Marta running on the beach in her small swimsuit and discuss how pretty she is. Raffy implies that one of their crimes might be to sexually assault Marta, which Ollie hopes is a joke, but senses is not. Raffy later suggests they make Petey go skinny dipping. Ollie knows this is cruel, as Petey fears the water, but finds himself helping undress Petey. Raffy suggests that Marta join Petey in skinny dipping and implies to Ollie that they will then follow and assault her. Ollie wishes desperately not to do this but is unable to contradict Raffy.

However, before Marta is fully undressed, Petey returns to them yelling about turtles; the eggs in the nest have finally begun to hatch. Raffy runs to get the flashlights and the sack. Marta dresses fully and holds the sack while Raffy lures the turtles, which begin to follow his flashlights. Meanwhile Ollie helps Petey put his shirt back on and holds his hand. Ollie is supposed to be the lookout.

One of the baby turtles tries to turn toward the sea and the moon but is confused by the flashlight and so keeps turning in circles. Petey drifts away, picking up pieces of his tinfoil costume from the sand. Ollie tries to look up to the stars and muses that, just a week ago, “when I was out here alone with my planisphere, this was all still a navigable darkness” (101).

Slowly, the group starts to panic about what to do with the sea turtles because “our joke keeps hatching and waddling forward in a snaky black procession, growing longer and less funny by the second, and this time nobody, not even Raffy, knows the punch line” (102).