The Custom of the Country

“Undine was fiercely independent and yet passionately imitative. She wanted to surprise every one by her dash and originality, but she could not help modelling herself on the last person she met, and the confusion of ideals thus produced caused her much perturbation when she had to choose between two courses.”

Here, Undine is characterized through a paradox. Although she’s independent, she’s also imitative. This emphasizes her youth; she doesn’t know how to behave, so she looks to others to learn what kind of woman she can be. In addition, this passage highlights that Undine is ambitious but inauthentic, a quality that can hurt her chances of being accepted by elite New York society.

“It was an observation they had made in her earliest youth—Undine never wanted anything long, but she wanted it ‘right off.’ And until she got it the house was uninhabitable.”

This characterization of Undine portrays her as spoiled. Undine’s flighty desires cost her family dearly, both financially and emotionally. Undine wants to live beyond her means because she feels that she’s owed a glamorous and popular lifestyle. This foreshadows further conflict in the novel because Undine’s desires are unstable and taxing on others.

“What was the use of being beautiful and attracting attention if one were perpetually doomed to relapse again into the obscure mass of the Uninvited?”

Here, Wharton emphasizes two important elements of female life in the early to mid-1900s. First, women are prized for their looks and can use them to ensure financial security. Second, entrance into high society isn’t based on beauty or worth but is solely based on connections and family lineage. Thus, the lessons a young woman like Undine learns from society about the importance of feminine beauty don’t necessarily guarantee her success.

“That was what ‘they’ had always said; what, at least, the Dagonet attitude, the Dagonet view of life, the very lines of the furniture in the old Dagonet house expressed. Ralph sometimes called his mother and grandfather the Aborigines and likened them to those vanishing denizens of the American continent doomed to rapid extinction with the advance of the invading race. He was fond of describing Washington Square as the “Reservation,” and of prophesying that before long its inhabitants would be exhibited at ethnological shows, pathetically engaged in the exercise of their primitive industries.”

This quote reveals Ralph’s belief that his family’s lifestyle and influence will eventually become extinct. As society modernized and progresses, the gentlemanly life of elite members of high society will become unnecessary and will be replaced by more equitable socioeconomic divisions. Wharton uses Ralph’s character and philosophies to express her own analysis and criticism of New York City elite society.

“An imagination like his, peopled with such varied images and associations, fed by so many currents from the long stream of human experience, could hardly picture the bareness of the small half-lit place in which his wife’s spirit fluttered. Her mind was as destitute of beauty and mystery as the prairie school-house in which she had been educated; and her ideals seemed to Ralph as pathetic as the ornaments made of corks and cigar-bands with which her infant hands had been taught to adorn it. He was beginning to understand this, and learning to adapt himself to the narrow compass of her experience.”

One of Ralph’s surprises after marrying Undine is her superficiality in comparison with his own intellectual interests. Here, Ralph excuses this superficiality by finding blame in Undine’s upbringing. He decides that her education was substandard and has made her a narrow-minded person. While this may be true (though quite elitist), this quote is important because it highlights Ralph’s desire to make excuses for Undine rather than confront the harsher truth. Realistically, Ralph and Undine married before they got to know one another. Therefore, Ralph learns who is wife is only after the point of no return. They lack common interests, and this quote implies that he doesn’t perceive her as smart. This degrades the respect that Ralph and Undine had for one another prior to their marriage. In addition, it emphasizes how wrong Ralph was about Undine, because he acted out of assumptions that she needed saving instead of caution when uniting with someone whose life and layers he didn’t truly know.

“She had found out that she had given herself to the exclusive and the dowdy when the future belonged to the showy and the promiscuous; that she was in the case of those who have cast in their lot with a fallen cause, or—to use an analogy more within her range—who have hired an opera box on the wrong night. It was all confusing and exasperating. Apex ideals had been based on the myth of ‘old families’ ruling New York from a throne of Revolutionary tradition, with the new millionaires paying them feudal allegiance. But experience had long since proved the delusiveness of the simile. Mrs. Marvell’s classification of the world into the visited and the unvisited was as obsolete as a mediaeval cosmogony.”

This quote reveals Undine’s discovery that she was wrong to believe in the myth of the First Families. Undine was naive when she first moved to New York; she hadn’t critically assessed the hints that implied the First Families’ lack of real wealth, such as the quality of Laura’s house or the reality that no one in these families worked for a living. Ironically, in finding a place within the First Families, Undine is exposed to what New York society is truly composed of—and how limiting the First Families can be. Thus, Undine gets what she thinks she wants. This quote also becomes important when she sets her sights on marrying Peter Van Degen. Peter is of the same social cloth as Ralph, so Undine’s realization about where New York wealth and status can truly be found makes her fixation on Peter odd. In marrying Peter, she’d be in the same situation as she is in her marriage to Ralph. This indicates that Undine may learn reality but still chooses to believe in illusions.

“‘Just so; she’d even feel aggrieved. But why? Because it’s against the custom of the country. And whose fault is that? The man’s again—I don’t mean Ralph, I mean the genus he belongs to: homo sapiens, Americanus. Why haven’t we taught our women to take an interest in our work? Simply because we don’t take enough interest in them.’”

Here, Bowen echoes Wharton’s title by identifying the custom of the country: that men are expected to provide for their women no matter what—but that men do not respect their wives enough to share the realistic limitations of those expectations. This quote identifies that the gender politics of the period are to blame for the socioeconomic issues of the failing First Families.

“The flame of love that had played about his passion for his wife had died down to its embers; all the transfiguring hopes and illusions were gone, but they had left an unquenchable ache for her nearness, her smile, her touch. His life had come to be nothing but a long effort to win these mercies by one concession after another: the sacrifice of his literary projects, the exchange of his profession for an uncongenial business, and the incessant struggle to make enough money to satisfy her increasing exactions. That was where the ‘call’ had led him...”

This quote is important because it identifies Ralph’s acknowledgement that his marriage was a bad decision. Any affection he had for Undine has been beaten down by her lack of empathy for his work and her frivolous spending. Ralph works tirelessly to keep up with Undine’s demands, but nothing satisfies her. Only by having Undine around can Ralph justify the tension in their marriage. While Undine wants out of the marriage and away from Ralph, Ralph wants to reestablish his love for Undine.

“The turnings of life seldom show a sign-post; or rather, though the sign is always there, it is usually placed some distance back, like the notices that give warning of a bad hill or a level railway-crossing.”

Here, Wharton warns about the importance of being aware of the signs that life sends. Ralph avoided analyzing the signs that Undine would make his life more difficult. He chose to analyze her family’s loneliness in the city as evidence that Undine needed saving rather than as proof that Undine acts on impulse and ambition. Typically, in the types of tight-knit circles that Ralph is a part of, marriages are careful contracts between families. Nevertheless, Ralph married a woman so far removed from his social circle that no one really knew anything about Undine or her family. This quote highlights the consequence of marrying quickly and without conscientious self-scrutiny.

“Undine felt herself trapped, deceived; and it was intolerable that the agent of her disillusionment should presume to be the critic of her conduct.”

Just as Bowen proposes that men don’t respect their wives, Wharton proposes that central to their marital conflict is Undine’s lack of respect for her husband. Ralph is “the agent of her disillusionment,” so she refuses to take his anxieties seriously. Ralph attempts to have honest conversations with Undine about their financial situation, but Undine refuses to engage in that reality. She holds herself to a different standard and can’t take responsibility for her own actions or flaws.

“The affair was in fact difficult and complex, and Moffatt saw at once just where the difficulties lay and how the personal idiosyncrasies of ‘the parties’ affected them. Such insight fascinated Ralph, and he strayed off into wondering why it did not qualify every financier to be a novelist, and what intrinsic barrier divided the two arts.”

Ralph’s observation that Elmer’s business acumen is akin to literary talent is interesting because Ralph doesn’t see that Elmer is in fact creating his own story. In reading and analyzing the flaws of the First Families, Elmer can manipulate wealth to benefit his own business interests. Ralph is too trusting of this because he sees Elmer’s intelligence as a talent. Elmer is good at his job because he’s smart, but part of that intelligence comes from his background. Elmer hasn’t been held back from realizing his true potential the way that Ralph has, because Elmer has always had to hustle for money and respect. Thus, Elmer is creating his own world in which the safety net of the Dagonet name is irrelevant. Ralph admires this without realizing that it signifies his own downfall.

“Undine was not consciously acting a part: this new phase was as natural to her as the other. In the joy of her gratified desires she wanted to make everybody about her happy. If only everyone would do as she wished she would never be unreasonable.”

This quote is important for two reasons. First, it characterizes Undine as having a lack of self-awareness. Undine isn’t consciously acting a part, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t acting. Her happiness about having gotten what she wanted is a direct threat to her family’s stability, so her performance of affection hides her intentions. Second, Undine’s belief that “if only everyone would do as she wished she would never be unreasonable” is ironic because what she wishes is unreasonable.

“Ralph had never thought of looking for any delicacy of feeling under Mr. Spragg’s large lazy irony, and the incident drew the two men nearer together. Mrs. Spragg, for her part, was certainly not delicate; but she was simple and without malice, and Ralph liked her for her silent acceptance of her diminished state. Sometimes, as he sat between the lonely primitive old couple, he wondered from what source Undine’s voracious ambitions had been drawn: all she cared for, and attached importance to, was as remote from her parents’ conception of life as her impatient greed from their passive stoicism.”

Ralph misunderstands Undine through the lens of her family. While Ralph was raised by people to whom he ended up being similar, Undine was raised by people from whom she ended up being different. Ralph’s appreciation of Undine’s mother’s stoicism, quietude, and lack of complaining highlights his internalization of women as peaceful and submissive. However, Undine is a fighter, and an analysis of where that ambition and drive comes from is more likely to focus on analyzing societal norms and how they place pressures on women more than on family nurture. This passage demonstrates that Ralph doesn’t know Undine on a fundamental level.

“He seemed merely too steeped in present well-being to think of the future, and she ascribed this to the fact that his faculty of enjoyment could not project itself beyond the moment. Her business was to make each of their days so agreeable that when the last came he should be conscious of a void to be bridged over as rapidly as possible and when she thought this point had been reached she packed her trunks and started for Dakota.”

This passage highlights the foolishness of Undine’s belief that Peter would leave his wife and marry her. Here, Undine clearly sees that Peter lives for momentary and fleeting pleasure, which has always been Ralph’s criticism of Peter. Nevertheless, Undine believes that she has the power to change Peter so that he thinks of their future instead of their present moment. Undine places undue importance on her ability to manipulate Peter for good because she misinterprets his character.

“As far as Undine could remember, it was the first time in her life that he had ever ordered her to do anything; and when the door closed on him she had the distinct sense that the question had closed with it, and that she would have to obey. She took the pearls off and threw them from her angrily. The humiliation her father had inflicted on her was merged with the humiliation to which she had subjected herself in going to the opera, and she had never before hated her life as she hated it then.”

This could have been a major plot twist in Undine’s character development. For the first time, she has been ordered to do something, and for the first time, she obeys. This highlights Undine’s characterization as spoiled. However, rather than interpret this as a rock-bottom moment on which Undine can rebuild herself, Undine internalizes her shame and feelings that something unjust has happened to her. Thus, Undine again refuses to take responsibility for her role in her downfall.

“Ralph’s whole body throbbed with rage against the influences that had reduced him to such weakness. Then, gradually, he saw that the weakness was innate in him. He had been eloquent enough, in his free youth, against the conventions of his class; yet when the moment came to show his contempt for them they had mysteriously mastered him, deflecting his course like some hidden hereditary failing.”

This passage reveals that Ralph is capable of character development—a direct foil to Undine’s inability to develop. Ralph acknowledges that blaming his life on outside forces is useless and turns inward to discover the root of his problem. Ralph sees himself as incapable of authentically refusing the rules of his socioeconomic class. He realizes that what he wanted out of his life wasn’t what he got, which indicates that somewhere along the line, Ralph’s decisions are what put him in his current situation. This foreshadows hope for a happier future for Ralph—in being self-reflective and honest about his flaws, Ralph can rebuild his life after divorce.

“That the reckoning between himself and Undine should be settled in dollars and cents seemed the last bitterest satire on his dreams: he felt himself miserably diminished by the smallness of what had filled his world.”

Ralph sees the final battle between himself and Undine as the ultimate satire. Wharton’s characterization of this conflict as a satire is notable because it implies that both Ralph and Undine have been playing roles in their lives. This lack of inauthenticity and the reliance of these roles on money emphasizes how Ralph lost his way in his marriage to Undine. Ralph placed his belief in love and redemption into a relationship with the wrong woman, and this has forced him into the very cycle of financial stresses that he always wanted to avoid.

“Undine had supposed that on her marriage one of the great suites of the Hotel de Chelles would be emptied of its tenants and put at her husband’s disposal; but she had since learned that, even had such a plan occurred to her parents-in-law, considerations of economy would have hindered it. The old Marquis and his wife, who were content, when they came up from Burgundy in the spring, with a modest set of rooms looking out on the court of their ancestral residence, expected their son and his wife to fit themselves into the still smaller apartment which had served as Raymond’s bachelor lodging. The rest of the fine old mouldering house—the tall-windowed premier on the garden, and the whole of the floor above—had been let for years to old-fashioned tenants who would have been more surprised than their landlord had he suddenly proposed to dispossess them.”

This passage emphasizes the myriad pressures on Raymond to preserve his family’s estates. Not only must old homes be kept up to date, but people live as tenants in Raymond’s properties. Selling estates would harm many people. In addition, this passage reemphasizes how Undine prefers to see what she wants to see. When she first meets Raymond, she’s taken by the idea of being a nobleman’s wife. However, the signs that Raymond isn’t as wealthy as Undine assumes are etched into the physical spaces he inhabits. Just like Ralph’s family, Raymond lives in a “mouldering house.”

“But Ralph Marvell’s death had brought about a sudden change in her situation. She was now no longer a divorced woman struggling to obtain ecclesiastical sanction for her remarriage, but a widow whose conspicuous beauty and independent situation made her the object of lawful aspirations.”

This quote highlights the characterization of Undine as callous. The father of her son has killed himself, yet she can see this tragedy only in terms of what she’s gained. Undine is now free to marry, but this freedom comes at the cost of Ralph’s life. His death gives Undine the opportunity to use her beauty and independent situation to her advantage and emphasizes her lack of empathy.

“Paul, after Mrs. Heeny’s departure, had grown fretful and restive, and Undine had found it more and more difficult to fit his small exacting personality into her cramped rooms and crowded life. He irritated her by pining for his Aunt Laura, his Marvell granny, and old Mr. Dagonet’s funny stories about gods and fairies; and his wistful allusions to his games with Clare’s children sounded like a lesson he might have been drilled in to make her feel how little he belonged to her.”

Here, Wharton emphasizes Undine’s drastic lack of concern for her son. Ralph has endured the death of his father and displacement from the only family he’s ever known. He has been moved to another continent and country, yet Undine sees him as an annoyance. Her lack of empathy for Paul is a major conflict that develops Wharton’s theme about the consequences of greed and ambition.

“It was a proficiency no one had ever expected her to acquire, and the lack of which she had even been encouraged to regard as a grace and to use as a pretext. During the interval between her divorce and her remarriage she had learned what things cost, but not how to do without them; and money still seemed to her like some mysterious and uncertain stream which occasionally vanished underground but was sure to bubble up again at one’s feet. Now, however, she found herself in a world where it represented not the means of individual gratification but the substance binding together whole groups of interests, and where the uses to which it might be put in twenty years were considered before the reasons for spending it on the spot.”

In this passage, Wharton identifies two major issues. The first is the reality that Undine hasn’t been taught to be aware of financial realities. Even though her husbands and father have chided her for her spending, she doesn’t know the reality of money because she’s almost literally not allowed to earn her own money. She doesn’t know the value of a dollar because she doesn’t know how difficult it is to earn money. The second major issue is the cultural conflict between Undine and her new French husband. To Undine, money is a path to self-gratification while to Raymond, money is a means to preserve an entire community. This cultural difference about money foreshadows the demise of their marriage.

“He had apparently decided that his arguments were unintelligible to her, and under all his ardour she felt the difference made by the discovery. It did not make him less kind, but it evidently made her less important; and she had the half-frightened sense that the day she ceased to please him she would cease to exist for him. That day was a long way off, of course, but the chill of it had brushed her face; and she was no longer heedless of such signs. She resolved to cultivate all the arts of patience and compliance, and habit might have helped them to take root if they had not been nipped by a new cataclysm.”

This passage supports Bowen’s theory about the custom of the country, in which wives don’t have enough respect to be part of conversations about money. However, Bowen attributes this custom to American husbands. In fact, Raymond attempts to teach Undine how to understand his wealth and his responsibilities to his community. It isn’t that Raymond immediately doesn’t respect Undine, but rather that Undine proves that she’s incapable of having such conversations. As an American wife, Undine expects that her husband will take care of financial concerns without involving her.

“He used life exactly as she would have used it in his place. Some of his enjoyments were beyond her range, but even these appealed to her because of the money that was required to gratify them. When she took him to see some inaccessible picture, or went with him to inspect the treasures of a famous dealer, she saw that the things he looked at moved him in a way she could not understand, and that the actual touching of rare textures—bronze or marble, or velvets flushed with the bloom of age—gave him sensations like those her own beauty had once roused in him.”

Here, Wharton identifies the connection that Undine and Elmer share. Both are eager to seize all their desires, and Elmer represents the man that Undine could have been. Had Elmer been a woman, he would have acted like Undine. Had Undine been a man, she would have acted like Elmer. This parallelism is important to Wharton’s ending, in which even finding the perfect match doesn’t satisfy Undine.