The Friendship War

Fiction | Novel | Middle Grade | Published in 2019

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapters 1-7

Chapters 8-14

Chapters 15-21

Chapters 22-28

Character Analysis

Themes

Symbols & Motifs

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

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Discussion Questions

Themes

Small Things That Bring Big Changes

Throughout The Friendship War, big changes are triggered by seemingly small or insignificant things. In Chapter 7, after some students take buttons from Grace’s collection, she is puzzled and awed to find that “these completely ordinary little objects seem to be changing right in front of [her] eyes” (45). This concept applies to the buttons, as well as the relationships that surround them, Through the effect of the button fad on Grace’s friendships with Ellie and Hank, as well as how Grace’s activities help her grandpa, the novel explores the many different ways in which small things can bring about great changes.

Within this conceptual framework, it is clear that seemingly insignificant things cause the characters to question themselves. At the beginning of the book, for example, Grace realizes that she has felt uncomfortable in her relationship with Ellie for years, but before this moment, she has always shoved this thought aside unexamined. When Grace first obtains the buttons from her grandpa, they are something private, but once she brings them in to school for show-and-tell, they become a catalyst for the changes that her relationship with Ellie soon undergoes. Ellie becomes jealous of the attention that Grace receives due to the buttons, which triggers her fear of being tossed aside. The buttons that Ellie brings to school are therefore designed to draw attention away from Grace and back to her, and from there, a spirit of “one-upmanship” escalates as the feud between the girls grows. Finally, the conflict reaches a new level of hostility when Ellie breaks the pinwheel button; at this point, there is truly no going back. The broken button symbolizes the breaking point in their friendship, as well as the decision that Grace must now make about how to move forward, for she can either try to fix things, or she can let the friendship remain broken. Grace’s decision to fix the friendship reflects the internal changes she has undergone. At the beginning of the book, she never would have confronted Ellie, but thanks to the buttons, Grace finds the courage to tell Ellie the truth about her feelings, thereby repairing their friendship.

The shift in one relationship also allows Grace to grow more aware of the potential for other relationships as well. While Grace is feuding with Ellie, she develops a stronger relationship with Hank, someone she’s known for years but has never really spent much time with. As she retreats from Ellie’s domineering personality, Grace gains the strength to explore her own feelings and interests rather than always kowtowing to Ellie’s preferences and opinions. When the buttons drive a wedge between her and Ellie, Grace finds common ground with Hank, and these commonalities allow her to understand that her desires and thoughts are valid: a critical step on her journey toward finding courage. After the pinwheel button is destroyed, however, Grace loses touch with herself and becomes consumed by getting revenge on Ellie. Again, Hank’s steady friendship helps her work through her emotions. He doesn’t judge her or try to make her feel guilty about her choices. Instead, he lets her work through what Ellie’s friendship and the buttons mean to her, offering support where appropriate, and this approach ultimately allows Grace to give up her anger because she recognizes that Hank is right and that her desire to get revenge over something as insignificant as buttons is wrong.

These ripples of change extend beyond the realm of Grace’s school and classmates, for as Grace undergoes her own transformation and communicates with her grandpa, these interactions have a healing effect on him as well, even though she is not fully aware of it at the time. He is still dealing with the grief of losing his wife a year ago, and the narrative implies that the changes Grace undergoes as a result of the button fad also help her grandpa find the courage to face his own ongoing grief. In Chapter 15, for example, Grace explains how the buttons have changed her life—including her feud with Ellie and her growing friendship with Hank. From this, her grandpa understands how the buttons from the mill he bought are shifting Grace’s life and influencing her growth. He is inspired by watching her deal with the button fad and the struggles it brings, both because he is proud of Grace and because he wants to start moving forward in his own life as well. He also understands that, without him, these changes may never have come to his granddaughter. Grace’s grandpa bought the mill as a side project to keep himself busy, never intending for it to have such far-reaching effects. It is impossible to predict what objects or events will trigger change, and often, change comes from the most unlikely places. The characters of The Friendship War experience change that starts small and then grows until there is no choice but to move forward and make choices that will alter who they are and what they believe.

Nothing Lasts Forever

The Friendship War explores the journey of how something starts, builds, and finally ends. Whether through active change or natural progression, everything that the characters experience has a limited life cycle and leaves behind changes that must be dealt with. Through a variety of challenges and conflicts, including the button fad, the feud between Ellie and Grace, and grief over the loss of a loved one, the novel expounds on the myriad ways in which even the greatest of struggles and challenges are only temporary, for there is always a solution to be found.

No matter how insurmountable Grace’s difficulties seem to her in the moment, the larger narrative makes it clear that everything is finite. In Chapter 11, Grace asks a boy on her bus where he got the idea for displaying his buttons. The boy responds that everyone’s doing it and it just happened, but Grace knows this isn’t true because, as she says, “nothing just happens” (68). Later, Hank identifies Grace as the catalyst that sparked everyone’s interest in buttons, marking Grace’s button show-and-tell in history class a definite starting point of the fad. From that point forward, the buttons gain popularity through different events, including Ellie’s button show and the creativity of the children who use the buttons in different ways. Once the fad reaches its peak, Grace grows annoyed with it because it feels like the buttons have taken over her life, and this shift in attitude shows how events can often grow to seem as if they have no end in sight. As Grace experiences, it is difficult to gain a broader sense of perspective as one becomes caught up in the heat of the moment, but ultimately, the novel proves that even a juggernaut like the button fad will eventually lose momentum. All phenomena will naturally wane over time or will be forcibly stopped by a definitive event, such as the principal’s button ban. As a result, the negative and positive aspects of the phenomenon will also fade, letting life return to a more normal state.

While all things must end, achieving the “right” ending often takes special effort. Following the introduction of buttons to Grace’s school, her relationship with Ellie is strained through a combination of Ellie’s jealous nature and Grace’s passive approach to conflict. As Grace’s desire to be at the center of the button phenomenon grows, she becomes bolder, standing up to Ellie and deliberately taking action to thwart Ellie’s attention-seeking behavior. This shift intensifies the feud between the two girls, and the conflict comes to a head with the breaking of the pinwheel button. From that moment forward, Grace is determined to end the feud through direct action that will result with herself victorious, not caring what she has to do to achieve this goal. However, Grace’s single-minded fixation on seeking revenge only prolongs the feud, for just as Ellie instigated the battle with an act of aggression, Grace’s decision to add another act of aggression will only prompt Ellie to retaliate. Finally, Grace’s realization that she has let the button fad change her is what ultimately ends the feud, and she reverses her course of action, seeking reconciliation. Likewise, when Grace drops her revenge plot and apologizes, her action makes Ellie realize her own faults, and both girls put an end to their feud.

It is easy to get lost in feeling like something won’t end. Both Grace and her grandpa are still dealing with the grief of losing Grace’s grandma a year ago. While Grace simply misses her grandma, grief is a bit more complicated for her grandpa, whose day-to-day life was disrupted by the loss. At the outset of the novel, he has not begun to go through his wife’s things and has bought the old mill as a way to keep busy and distract himself from his lingering grief. Neither character realizes that such distractions are not a permanent fix, for if left unchecked, their grief has the potential to consume them. Just as the feud between Grace and Ellie must be dealt with directly, grief must also be faced head-on. Unlike the girls’ feud, however, the process of dealing with grief takes more than a simple apology. At the end of the book, Grace’s grandpa has started sorting through his wife’s things, admitting that he still has a lot of work to do. Sending Grace the buttons that he found is a physical manifestation of his progress in letting go of his grief, and once he begins, the next step will be easier. His grief may never fully go away, but he will no longer feel trapped in an unending cycle, which will allow him to move forward in a way he couldn’t before.

Power in Relationships

The relationships between the characters of The Friendship War exemplify several significant power shifts as individuals renegotiate the status quo and find the courage to redefine social boundaries and assert themselves. These dynamics change depending on the situation, but they are constantly influencing how people interact with one another. Through Grace and Ellie’s relationship, the button fad, and specific button-related situations, the novel explores how profoundly power dynamics can affect the integrity of friendships.

People often use different forms of power to control others. At the beginning of the book, Grace struggles to understand how her relationship with Ellie has changed in the last few years. In years past, the two girls were equals, having sleepovers at each other’s houses and splitting their time evenly between activities they each enjoyed. Lately, though, Grace has noticed that Ellie increasingly takes control of everything and puts herself at the center of any given activity, stubbornly persisting until she gets what she wants. This behavior is brought into stark relief by the button fad, especially when Ellie downplays Grace’s contributions while inflating her own. Ellie feels threatened by how much attention Grace’s buttons get, so she uses her position of social power to promote herself and draw the other students’ attention to her own contributions to making buttons popular. As the fad grows, Ellie continues to keep herself at its center by finding new ways to use buttons in her jewelry, always pointing out how interesting her buttons are while shrugging off anything that Grace contributes to the discussion. To shift this dynamic, Grace finds it necessary to fight back and threaten Ellie’s creations in order to bring the other girl’s attention to her problematic behavior. Ultimately, the girls endure an uncomfortable period of vying for control before they finally communicate with each other and redefine their relationship in a more positive way.

During the height of the button fad, dynamics shift based on who holds power at any given moment. The button fad begins with a handful of people bringing buttons from home, but even this small action has a role in dictating who becomes powerful within the fad itself. Grace, Ellie, and a few other students have unique buttons that quickly become coveted by those students who have less interesting buttons to trade. As a result, the students with desirable buttons can dictate trading terms, withholding buttons until they receive an offer that seems good enough for them to part with their prized buttons. However, once a trade is made, the power dynamics shift as these popular buttons are transferred to new owners. The power that the previous button-holder had is diminished while the new button-holder’s power increases. This principle also applies on a more individualized level. Students with a particular interest in a certain type of button will seek out that type, giving students with those buttons power even if they otherwise don’t have much influence. The complex and shifting nature of these dynamics leads to hierarchies and cliques within the fad, and the ever-changing nature of these hierarchies shows how quickly those in power can be unseated.

Having something people want gives us power. In Chapter 11, Brooke, a girl in Grace’s class, approaches Ellie with the pinwheel button, one of the prettiest and most unique buttons so far. As dictated by the existing power dynamics of the group, Ellie should hold the power here because she has positioned herself at the center of the fad and has continued to keep herself relevant, but this is not the case. Brooke’s possession of a button that both Ellie and Grace want shifts the power dynamics so that “with that particular button in her hand, Brooke might be the most powerful kid in the room” (69). Ellie and Grace turn the desire to own Brooke’s button into the beginning of their feud, and the power of the pinwheel button shows how having something special gives power to people who didn’t have it before. Up until this point, Brooke has a fairly minor character, but with the pinwheel button in her possession, Brooke is suddenly the most important member of the group, and she holds the power to choose who becomes the next most important member. Upon receiving the button, Grace feels powerful, and Ellie grows angry because she has lost power. In the end, however, power and control are tenuous things to hold on to. A small shift in the dynamics of a group can give control to someone who was previously powerless and vice versa. The situations and dynamics of The Friendship War show the problem with relying on power dynamics and also symbolize the danger of becoming obsessed with gaining power.