The Mixquiahuala Letters

“Finally we’ve come to respect our privacy / slip into quiet moments with a cup of tea, a glass / of wine, reflect on the next project. Life is / balanced.”

This quote, a poem Teresa included in one of her letters to Alicia, describes Teresa and Alicia’s transformation into more mature women who now savor life’s quieter, more contented moments over excitement and turmoil. The use of “balance” here implies that the women’s younger selves lacked that equilibrium.

“You were never led by the hand as a little girl by a godmother, or tugged by the ear by a nun whose dogmatic instruction initiated you into humility which is quite different from baptism / when you were anointed with water as a squirming baby in the event that you should die and never see God face-to-face because you had not been cleansed of the sin of your parents’ copulation. [The church] smells of incense, hot oils, the wax of constant burning candles, melting at a vigilant pace, the plaster of an army of saints watching with fixed glass eyes…It smells of flowers and palms that precede Easter. It smells of death.”

This passage, which immediately precedes the incident in which the priest pesters Teresa in the confessional, reveals Teresa’s negative perception of Catholicism. The sensory details, particularly the smells, evoke a sense of being overwhelmed. The “heavy” scents contribute to Teresa’s sense of being smothered or weighed down by religion. The saints “watch” her, but they have dead glass eyes.

“you believed i’d no business being married, eyed my wedding band as if it were a shackle, found it incomprehensible that any woman of your generation could willingly commit herself to slavery.”

Alicia is consistently negative about the idea of marriage and Teresa’s status as a wife, as this quote illustrates. The round wedding band being compared to a shackle expresses Alicia’s belief that marriage binds women to servitude.

“[Melvin] was a man’s man, or at least, Libra’s idea of a man, an expert in martial arts, well read on all the latest cults, a self-proclaimed philosopher with a strong yen to draw timid souls to bend to his liking.”

This description of Melvin reveals his preoccupation with power over others, a dynamic the submissive Libra naturally responds to. Melvin’s fascination with cults reveals an interest in cultivating followers and exhibiting strong or even domineering authority. Libra serves as a “timid soul” for Melvin to rule over. After Teresa observes this dynamic, she leaves Libra.

“The eloquent scholars with their Berkeley Stanford / seals of approval / all prepped to change society articulate the / social deprivation of the barrio / starting with an / Anglo wife, handsome house, and a Datsun 280Z in the driveway.”

Teresa decries the complacency of the academics who profess to want social change but become accomplices of social injustice by enjoying the upper-middle-class lifestyle barred to so many racial minorities. It’s notable that “Anglo wife” is listed alongside the inanimate objects like a house and car, which suggests that these men regard their wives as status symbols rather than as people. This passage is one of several in the book in which Teresa expresses cynicism over American materialism and upward mobility.

“i hated / white women who took black pimps / everyone knows savages have bestial members / i hated / white women who preferred Latins and Mediterraneans because of the fusion of hot and cold blood running through the very core of their erections and nineteenth-century romanticism that makes going to bed with them much more challenging than with WASP men who are only good for / making money and marrying.”

This quote reveals Teresa’s attitude toward other racial groups, especially white women and black men. Her language suggests that she perceives the former negatively and that she resents the privileged status that both “WASP men” and white women enjoy. As suggested by her willingness to marry Sergio for money and security, Teresa sees marriage as an economic strategy. She may resent that WASP men, the privileged beneficiaries of the American economy, are more available to Alicia than to her and the casual way that white women can enter relationships with those men.

“i found / sources to direct my anger / pointed at them / called them white / privileged / and unjust. / Meanwhile, you were flat-chested, not especially pretty and bore no resemblance to the ideal of any man / you encountered anywhere.”

Immediately after the previous quote that denigrates other racial groups and decries white privilege, Teresa acknowledges that she may be projecting her feelings for whites in general onto Alicia. Teresa admits that Alicia does not embody of her view of a stereotypical white woman, that Alicia has very human flaws and shortcomings.

“i’m not referring to that inner beauty one goes on about with diplomacy and discretion as consolation for the absence of external attributes, ever critical to women beings. / i am in fact speaking of that which to no credit to ourselves we have inherited by genetic combination from the precise moment when our fathers’ and mothers’ seeds meet.”

Here Teresa describes Alicia, praising the external beauty she sees in her. Rather than romanticizing interior beauty, Teresa recognizes that society regards it as “consolation” for outward appearance that does not conform to its beauty standards. Her description of exterior beauty as something that is “no credit to ourselves” subtly questions this value system, even as she claims that Alicia possesses that valued exterior beauty. This ambiguity reinforces the overall ambiguity that marks Alicia and Teresa’s relationship.

“Ours was a relationship akin to that of an old wedded couple. While we might agree on a basic plan or idea, all else had to be bickered out.”

This statement compares the two women to a married couple, further underscoring the mix of emotions with which they regard each other: affection, closeness, competition, disagreement, jealousy, and so on. The comparison to an “old” married couple rather than a newer or more transitory relationship, such as that between lovers, newlyweds, or colleagues, emphasizes the history and endurance of their friendship. It also implies that their friendship will endure despite their bickering, just as a longtime married couple is more likely to remain married than break up.

“In an hour they would tiptoe / past the plants, reupholstered / furniture aware that beneath / the crucifix, on a flat pillow / his mother sighed: / Her son would not leave her.”

The poem at the end of Letter 17 describes Teresa and the medical student sneaking back into the house after having sex. The passage suggests something about the family’s social status (their furniture is reupholstered, not new), and the crucifix symbolizes Catholicism, which the student’s mother uses as a protective force in her bedroom. The son and Teresa have subverted Catholicism’s expectations by sleeping together, threatening the mother’s belief in his safety and loyalty to her. In the end, however, the son will not leave his mother for Teresa.

“Mexico. Melancholy, profoundly right and wrong, it embraces as it strangulates. Destiny is not a metaphysical confrontation with one’s self, rather, society has knit its pattern so tight that a confrontation with it is inevitable.”

Teresa expresses ambivalent feelings about Mexico. It is a place that she feels drawn to and finds a sense of belonging in, as a woman of Mexican descent and upbringing, but it also disrupts and unsettles her. The comment about destiny implies that she views her travels and permanent move to Mexico as inevitable.

“As we listened we felt their scrutiny. Our minds raced with collages of blood-ridden thoughts, newspaper articles, pictures of dead guerillas, decapitated villagers, North Americans taken hostage, shot with machine guns against church walls.”

This passage describes Teresa and Alicia’s fear in the car with the armed men. The images of violence and death that run through their minds make it clear that they think the men could kidnap or kill them if they suspect the girls have anything to do with the assassination attempt, or that they could be held hostage. Given the nearly ever-present possibility of sexual assault, Alicia and Teresa are probably worried about being raped as well.

“One wears faded blue jeans rolled over the ankles, the other, army fatigues; both wear bandanas to hide their hair. Their bags are unstylish and show wear. A woman pulls her small child back into the café where she cooks, casts a cynical look their way. She is glad she’s not them. Still she wonders, her eagle squint says.”

This third-person passage describes Alicia and Teresa’s appearance as they travel through Mexico. The woman who observes them is associated with traditional feminine roles like cook and mother, suggesting that there’s a wide gulf in social expectations between her and the other two. Even though the woman’s “glad she’s not them,” Teresa suggests she might wonder about their experiences and perhaps envy their apparent freedom.

“It was a long trek to their house as we made our way like pilgrims. You and i were already exhausted beyond words. There is no easy way to describe the combination of fatigue, intolerable heat at a late hour in an unfamiliar city with intoxicated men who were for all intents and purposes complete strangers. Yet, our antennae went up and zoomed in on every move, each phrase to determine whether foul play might be in store. This above all else, having to remain on guard because we were women travelers, persons with sparse funds and resources to count on certain conveniences and comforts, was draining.”

The quote highlights the mental energy it costs Teresa and Alicia to continually monitor their surroundings for danger as they travel. The words “trek,” “pilgrims,” and “draining” emphasize the hardships of travel. The word “antennae” evokes the vigilance and caution the women must constantly use on their journey.

“In that country, the term ‘liberated woman’ meant something other than what we had strived for back in the United States. In this case it simply meant a woman who would sleep nondiscriminately with any man who came along.”

Teresa’s discussion of the different connotations of the word “liberal” in America and Mexico reveals how differently the two cultures view female independence. In America educated young women like Teresa and Alicia might join countercultural movements that support environmental, worker, or women’s rights; eschew traditional gender-driven relationships; or invest in their careers rather than homemaking. Such actions might indicate to others that they are “liberal” in the political sense or “liberated” from traditional gender expectations. However, in Mexico the word “liberal” has a more sexual connotation. Teresa’s awareness of this difference leads her to reject Ponce.

“Dancing did for you what drugs did for others, what cigarettes and alcohol did for me, created a transcendental ambience in which one could flow with the tide.”

This quote describes how dancing acts as a powerful intoxicant for Alicia, rendering her helpless against men at various points in the book. The phrase “flow with the tide” evokes the idea of being swept away and expresses the strength of Alicia’s surrender to the feeling that dancing awakens in her. Considering Alicia’s iron-clad self-control, the effect that dancing has on her is remarkable, since it weakens that control and makes her vulnerable.

“You’d never been indoctrinated into an institutionalized religion, never heard eerie folktales from the old ones who lived in the Sierra Madre or near ancient ruins; never feared God or Satan, but there you were, quivering spasmodically in my arms.”

Teresa’s belief in a spiritual realm, and Alicia’s disdain for the idea, is one of the key differences between them. It’s notable, then, that the “spirit” incident in Ponce’s house rattles Alicia so violently. It’s possible Alicia’s experiences in Mexico have changed her perception of the world—or perhaps she’s just fatigued from their difficult journey.

“And yes, i did acknowledge forces of good and evil that could tear at the root of a human soul because it had been embedded in me with as much conviction since birth as the knowledge that food and water were required sustenance if one were to survive.”

This quote emphasizes the depth of Teresa’s belief in the supernatural. It also indicates how influential her upbringing was, despite her efforts to distance herself from it. Though she has largely rejected Catholicism, Teresa retains belief in some of its tenets—namely that there is a spiritual world beyond the physical realm, and that the two realms sometimes intersect.

“The closeness we had felt for each other had been heightened by our desire to survive during our travels that had been filled with unpredictable dilemmas.”

Teresa acknowledges travel’s powerful role in her friendship with Alicia. Along with their artistic ambitions and personal values, shared travel has created a strong bond between them, forcing them into situations where they must protect and stand up for each other. That they share these experiences at such a pivotal and transformative stage of life—their twenties—only strengthens their bond.

“Mexico City, revisited time and again since childhood, over and again as a woman. i sometimes saw the ancient Tenochtitlán, home of my mother, grandmothers, and greatmother, as an embracing bosom, to welcome me back and rock my weary body and mind to sleep in its tumultuous, over populated, throbbing, ever pulsating heart.”

The quote expresses the sense of belonging and connection that Teresa experiences in Mexico City (it also reveals that she has visited the city throughout her life, and presumably the study abroad trip was not her first time in Mexico). Tenochtitlán refers to the ancient Aztec city that was located in modern-day Mexico City and emphasizes Teresa’s connection to the past. The language used here evokes both safety and energy: the city is “an embracing bosom” and will “rock her weary body and mind,” yet is it “throbbing,” with a “pulsating” heart.

“i erupted, a volcano of hot wine, soft membrane, tissue, undefined nerves, sightless eyes, a miniscule pounding heart, sunless flesh, all sucked out in torn, mutilated pieces. How long does death take?”

This passage describes Teresa’s abortion, conveying the violence (“erupted”) and negativity that she associates with the procedure. Her use of the word “death” suggests that she considers the abortion as the death of her child. The use of this language, and the negative consequences that follow in her relationship with Alexis, help explain why she later keeps the baby she conceives with Libra.

“She begins the methodic process of gathering the pieces of that woman, like the jagged pieces of a broken vase, and glues them together, patiently, as neatly as she is able.”

Here Teresa writes in the third person to describe the recovery of her identity and health after leaving an abusive relationship. She perceives herself as fragmented and shattered, in contrast to her formerly whole self, and describes how she learns to be patient and gentle with herself as she heals.

“In Cuernavaca, Vittorio’s grandfather will take naps with him in the garden on the hammock tied to two tamarind trees. He will tell him stories he never told me. Mami will call him ‘hijo,’ rolling a warm tortilla sprinkled with salt and wrapping his little fingers around it.”

Teresa describes her parents’ loving actions toward her son. Her line about “the stories he never told me,” combined with her mother’s use of “hijo” (son), implies that they are closer to their grandson than they were to Teresa when she was a child. Teresa states these details matter-of-factly; it is unclear whether she resents her son’s favored status or is grateful that he has loving grandparents in his life. The passage also serves as a contrast to the relatively harsh treatment Teresa received from her own grandmother.