The Swifts: A Dictionary of Scoundrels

Phenomena, Shenanigan, Felicity, and Erf gather in Phenomena’s lab and compile a list of suspects. Felicity insists that Cook and Uncle Maelstrom be added because they were absent from dinner when Aunt Schadenfreude fell at 8:53 pm. Erf adds Aunt Inheritance because the archivist had an argument with the matriarch and claimed that Schadenfreude didn’t have “the best interests of the Family at heart” (106). The other suspects include either Flora or Fauna, Uncle Ferrier, Candour, Pique, Atrocious, and Aunt Dither. Phenomena reveals that she found something that may have fallen off the attacker’s clothing.

Shenanigan spends the night in Felicity’s room and shows Uncle Maelstrom her map the next morning. When she tells him about the secret room that she saw Aunt Inheritance enter, the usually forthright and jolly man grows anxious and urges her, “Tell no one about this room. Don’t try to get in, not until our guests have gone home. And whatever you do, don’t show this map to anyone but me” (113). He says that Inheritance is acting in the family’s best interests. Shenanigan reluctantly promises her uncle that she’ll do as he asks, but she secretly remains determined to find Vile’s Hoard.

The clue that Phenomena found near the stairs is a coffee bean, so Shenanigan and Phenomena interview Flora and Fauna. Flora was absent from dinner due to a private matter that she refuses to disclose and says that Aunt Schadenfreude had many enemies because she “likes to watch people suffer” (120).

Pique discovers that all the relatives’ steering wheels have been removed from their cars, and Atrocious suspects that the would-be killer did this to prevent anyone from leaving the estate. In addition, the phone line has been severed, and the gates are chained shut, effectively cutting the Swift family off from the outside world. Amid the growing panic and suspicion, Aunt Inheritance desperately tries to keep the family on schedule with the itinerary she planned.

Erf eliminates Uncle Ferrier from the list of suspects because he was stuck in one of the house’s booby traps during the attack. They also rule out Candour, Aunt Dither, and Dither’s brother. She has deipnophobia, a “morbid fear of dinner parties” (127), and the men tended to her during Aunt Schadenfreude’s fall. Flora tells the sisters that she wouldn’t hurt Schadenfreude because that would sadden her twin, and Shenanigan uses her ability to read micro-expressions to confirm that she’s telling the truth. Flora determines that the coffee bean fragment that Phenomena found is a rare and expensive variety called civet coffee. Shenanigan wants to watch Cantrip’s play, The Tragical Tale of Gramercy and Vile, because she hopes that the performance will contain clues about Vile’s Hoard. However, she reluctantly agrees to focus on the investigation.

As Shenanigan and Phenomena approach Pique’s and Atrocious’s rooms, they pass Gumshoe, who claims that he found a lead and that Pique and Atrocious are innocent. Although Shenanigan loathes the odious siblings, they don’t drink civet coffee and were using the phone during the attack. Atrocious suspects that the attacker targeted Aunt Schadenfreude because Vile’s Hoard legally belongs to the matriarch regardless of who finds it. Shenanigan hadn’t realized that the finder would be expected to hand over the treasure, and she’s disquieted by the part of her that wants to keep the riches for herself.

Felicity is upset with her sisters for interrogating Atrocious and Pique because the two adults pretended to like her fashion designs. She also criticizes her little sisters for not visiting Schadenfreude. Phenomena explains to Shenanigan that she’s keeping track of her little sister’s choices and sorting them by whether or not they fit her name’s definition. Shenanigan worries that this experiment will prove that she’s destined to be a selfish, deceitful troublemaker. She overhears Flora comforting Daisy. Daisy thanks Flora for helping her the previous night, says that Candour doesn’t know their secret, and frets, “God, what have I done? This’ll ruin me, Flora” (141). Flora encourages the woman to suppress her guilt and stick to their plan.

Shenanigan is convinced that Daisy pushed Aunt Schadenfreude down the stairs and that Flora is helping her cover it up. Erf swipes a copy of Cantrip’s play and gives it to Shenanigan, who is both grateful and proud. The tragedy’s prologue is a poem in which the author laments the greed that drove Vile to murder Gramercy and urges her descendants, “Be rich in kindness, and be rich in kind” (148). The play’s ornate, 17th-century verse is so mystifying to the girl that she fears she won’t be able to decipher any clues.

Something happens that makes Uncle Maelstrom worry that Shenanigan has broken her promise and told someone about the secret room. He asks to see her map, but she hesitates because she can tell he’s hiding something from her. They’re both distracted by the food that Cook has prepared burning in the oven. Phenomena offers to cook something using her knowledge of chemistry.

Shenanigan, Phenomena, and Uncle Maelstrom prepare a soup, which their relatives quickly devour. At dinner, Atrocious insults Daisy while maintaining a pretense of polite concern and then whispers, “Candour misjudged you” (155). An exhausted Aunt Inheritance scolds the children for investigating Aunt Schadenfreude’s fall and once again instructs them to leave the matter to Gumshoe. A scream sends the diners scrambling to the library, where they discover Renée Swift sobbing beside Gumshoe’s body. The man appears to have triggered a booby trap, and his skull was crushed by a marble bust.

Candour asks most of the Swifts to leave while he, Aunt Inheritance, and Uncle Maelstrom cover the body in a blanket and carry it away. Shenanigan, Phenomena, and Erf hide behind a chaise lounge in the library. To their surprise, Daisy sneaks into the library and searches the shelves before hiding behind a curtain at the sound of approaching footsteps. Maelstrom, Candour, and Inheritance return and bag up the bust of Vile that dealt the killing blow. The booby trap is so obvious that most people would spot it immediately, and a copy of Agatha Christie’s The Body in the Library is found beside the corpse.

Maelstrom isn’t convinced that the detective’s death is an accident. Aunt Schadenfreude locked the library before the reunion began, and her keys went missing after her fall. Other missing objects include the keys to Cook’s motorcycle and one of Maelstrom’s compasses. However, Inheritance insists that the detective’s death was an accident. After Maelstrom, Inheritance, and Candour exit the library, Daisy comes out of hiding, takes an atlas, and leaves.

The children recall that detective novels are never booby-trapped, so they suspect that Gumshoe was murdered. They consider both Daisy and Inheritance as possible suspects. Shenanigan discovers a small, round hole in a wall. Phenomena finds some blood inside but explains that the hole is too neat to be a bullet hole. The young scientist observes, “I don’t know what it is, but we’re missing something here. I know we are” (170).