The Temple of My Familiar

Content Warning: This section contains mentions and descriptions of racial and gender oppression and the attendant isms and discriminatory language; rape and sexual violence; and substance addiction.

Carlotta, Zedé, and Arveyda

Carlotta’s grandmother, Zedé, was a seamstress in a South American country. She made capes out of feathers, worn by dancers and priests at traditional village festivals, until the latter were banned. Carlotta’s mother, also named Zedé, is bright and goes to university on scholarship where she is training to be a teacher. Her father passes away while she is gone, and the university eventually shuts down due to riots in Zedé’s final year. She is offered a job teaching a class in the hills but is arrested there six months later for being a Communist.

Carlotta doesn’t know anything about her mother’s time in jail, which is where she was born. She doesn’t know how they escaped to America, either. Carlotta’s first memories are of San Francisco, where she grew up. Zedé begins working in a sweatshop, before transitioning to making feathered capes, like her mother, which is all the rage among the rockstars of the time. Carlotta delivers these capes to the rockstars who pay exorbitant amounts for them but look through Carlotta completely.

Arveyda is one of Zedé’s customers; he has brown skin like Carlotta and is the first person who sees her when she delivers a cape to him. She begins to visit him often, and they start a relationship. Arveyda tells her bits and pieces about his life. His mother, Katherine Degos, was one of three Black women who began a church in his home in Indiana. When he was 10, however, she suddenly stopped all her social activities and withdrew into herself; she passed away some years later.

The first time Arveyda meets Zedé, he is reminded of his own mother. Zedé is instantly drawn to Arveyda, who greatly resembles Carlotta’s father, and is shy and dumbstruck around him. Arveyda and Carlotta marry and have two children. A few years into their marriage, Arveyda recognizes and reciprocates Zedé’s desire for him, claiming he loves her, too. They have sex, but then they decide it must never happen again.

Arveyda and Zedé avoid each other for months. Carlotta notices the distance between them and finally confronts them about it. A terrified and sobbing Zedé tells Carlotta what happened, and Arveyda confirms the story. Zedé promises to leave to Mexico or somewhere in South America and find a man for herself. Instead, a heartbroken Carlotta moves out with her children. Arveyda and Zedé set out on a trip through Mexico and Central and South America. They send back letters to Carlotta about their travels.

As they travel south on Arveyda’s boat, Zedé opens up about her home country and culture. She describes a ritual in which girls and women bathe together in a waterfall during the full moon, preparing food for the goddess Ixtaphtaphahex and exchanging stories. This is how she learns the story of the priests:

First, the world only had women. One day, woman produced a “being” different than herself, which grew to be man. Men were still new to the world; they feared and worshiped women because of their ability to generate life, and they admired the confidence with which they dressed themselves. However, men eventually learned that babies came out of “a hole at (a woman’s) bottom” (50). Men decided to be priests and cut off their genitals to fashion a similar hole. Many men died in the process, and they eventually forgot what they originally set out to do. Their only takeaway was that they must be like women, and if they were castrated at a certain age, then “they could sound like woman and speak to the universe in woman’s voice” (51).

Zedé also tells Arveyda the story of Carlotta’s father, Jesús. Zedé and many others were imprisoned in his village, and while all his tribespeople had run away, he kept returning to care for the village’s sacred stones. Jesús was eventually caught and enslaved, too. Zedé fell in love with him, but then the guards caught them having sex. The guards killed Jesús and raped Zedé repeatedly, before imprisoning and abandoning Zedé and Jesús’s mutilated body in a hut. Zedé was rescued by Jesús’s tribespeople, and she stayed with them until Carlotta was born. They gave her a pair of red African parrot feather earrings as a parting gift, and they also gave the village’s sacred stones to her for Carlotta.

Zedé found work as a maid in “La Escuela de Jungla” (77), an institution run by North Americans. While it was presented as a beautiful and caring home for those with physical and mental illnesses and disabilities, in reality the “students” were kept drugged and locked in huts in a thicket behind the main hacienda. Zedé befriended Mary Ann Haverstock, one such “student,” who came from a rich American family. Her parents sent her away after she got involved with extremist politics back home and descended into drug addiction.

Zedé wrote to Mary Ann’s parents about the truth of their daughter’s condition, and they promptly arrived by helicopter and rescued her. Mary Ann returned with armed men and broke Zedé and Carlotta out of the school. They drove to the beach and set sail for California on two yachts, but a storm broke out, and Mary Ann’s vessel was lost. Her parents received Zedé and Carlotta at the coast, asking questions about the storm and whether Mary Ann seemed happy. Zedé reassures them that their daughter “had gone down like a shooting star” (83). Mary Ann’s parents convinced migration to let Zedé and Carlotta stay; Zedé never heard from them again.

Arveyda returns without Zedé to meet Carlotta. Arveyda and Zedé went back to where Zedé was imprisoned, only to discover it had returned to being a village again. Only seven women remained of the many who were enslaved there. One of them was working as an extra in a film about an ancient Indigenous goddess, which was being shot by white people in the village. She got Zedé a job doing the same.

Arveyda tells Carlotta about how the three stones Zedé once gave her are a gift to Carlotta from her father’s people. Arveyda wants to give Carlotta the gift of knowing her mother and sings to her about Zedé’s story. The song ends describing how Zedé is searching for her own mother in their home country, which is the only reason why she is not here and embracing her daughter, whom she loves and misses deeply.

Suwelo, Hal, and Lissie

Suwelo arrives at the house in Baltimore that his late great-uncle Rafe left him. He plans to stay for one week to sell the house and settle Rafe’s affairs, but he ends up staying for two weeks instead. A couple of old ladies who attended his uncle’s post-cremation ceremony bring him food every day.

Suwelo notices that Rafe has scribbled notes everywhere, many about a woman named Lissie. Wondering who she is, Suwelo looks through the pictures hanging in the house. He remembers his uncle’s laughter and joy for life, and he thinks about the mess he has made of his own life with Fanny and Carlotta.

One morning, an old man whom Suwelo recognizes from the service arrives to tend to the yard. His name is Harold “Hal” Davenport, and he claims to know who Suwelo is; he knew him as “Louis Jr.” as a child, before Suwelo changed his name.

Hal knew Rafe for almost all his life, as they were on “the Island” together. Suwelo asks Hal about Lissie and learns that she is one of the women bringing Suwelo food; Hal also says that Lissie was his and Rafe’s wife. Later, Suwelo looks through pictures and notices one of a woman standing in front of five beautifully made chairs. He can’t find her in any other pictures, then he realizes there are spots on the wall where some pictures have been taken down.

Hal tells Suwelo that he and Lissie have known each other since they were babies. They grew up together and were drawn to each other from the beginning. Lissie was strong and rebellious, but Hal brought out her softer side. She was also protective of him, because Hal never fought, even in self-defense.

Lissie comes by and answers Suwelo’s questions by telling him about herself. Her name means “the one who remembers everything” (52). She doesn’t remember much about her past lives in Egypt and Atlantis, but she does remember that she was a Black woman in all her lives, and always a fighter. Initially, Lissie didn’t like her parents; she didn’t recognize them from any lifetime, and they seemed to speak an alien language that took her a while to learn.

When Lissie was in school, a white school nurse noticed how often Lissie would fall asleep and had her and the other children tested. She discovered that the children’s diets were lacking in essential vitamins and nutrients, so she went back and agitated the mainland about these conditions. The islanders are now encouraged to have milk, fruit, and greens—things that didn’t exist in their diet before, as they were only meant to be exported. As Lissie’s mother grows healthier with the new diet, her mind begins to clear, and she remembers dreams of her past lives. Lissie finally begins to understand her mother better, and they become friends.

Hal is one of the few people whom Lissie immediately recognizes; he seems familiar, even as a baby. Hal is naturally drawn to art, but for some reason his father—despite being a talented furniture maker—hates Hal painting and tried to stomp it out. This breaks Hal, who never learns to fight or defend himself. Lissie defends him instead and encourages him to keep painting in secret.

Lissie describes a past life in which she was the youngest child of her father’s youngest wife. He died when she was two, and responsibility for her mother and siblings passed to her father’s older brother. Encouraged by his own wives and children, Lissie’s uncle sold her, her mother, and her siblings into enslavement.

Lissie and her family were taken to a fort miles away, where they were bought by some white men and shoved into a cellar filled with others like them. Many had been enslaved for their religious beliefs. They were “Motherworshipers” who revered the goddess, and this religion was entirely stamped out in Africa during the years of the slave trade. Shortly after their arrival, Lissie’s mother fell sick and died. Lissie and her siblings, with the rest of the enslaved people, were packed onto a slave ship bound for America.

After a two-month long journey, the ship arrived in America, and Lissie was sold to a plantation owner; she was separated from her siblings and never saw them again. Eight months later, she gave birth to a child—the result of being raped by one of the ship’s crew members. The child was brought up as an enslaved companion to the plantation mistress’s own child. Lissie tried to run away but got caught in a bear trap, and her foot was crushed. Her master waited until she recovered, then he beat her in punishment. This, combined with the pain of losing her foot as well as her child to another woman, was too much for Lissie to bear, and she passed away.

Lissie describes a dream memory of her time living among a tribe of small people. The women and children lived together, while the fathers and uncles visited. The people lived in trees in an infinite forest, which they shared peacefully with other creatures. Occasionally, the children were sent to visit their cousins, who were much bigger in size; they also lived together as a whole family. Lissie grew up and mated with a playmate. After she became pregnant, she and her mate insisted on living together, like the cousins. The adults protested, but when the baby was born, Lissie and her mate ran away with the baby to the cousins, who took them in.

The cousins were inherently gentle and thoughtful people. However, over time they were forced to forge weapons and learn to fight when they were constantly attacked and killed by others who looked like them, but were even bigger. Different tribes began to divide and claim parts of the previously infinite forest for themselves, and men began to think of owning women and children, too. However, Lissie never forgot what she learned from the cousins, and she and her mate stayed together until death, teaching their children their ways. Her time with the cousins is the only memory of peace Lissie has over all her lifetimes.

After hearing Lissie’s story of the cousins, Suwelo deeply contemplates the relationship he has with his fellow creatures on earth. Lissie brings back the photographs she had taken from the house, now trusting that Suwelo will understand them. There are 13, all featuring the same chair from the picture of Lissie in the house, but the women in each picture is different. None bear any resemblance to each other or to Lissie as she is now.

Lissie explains that she ran away with the photographer, a Black man from Charleston, whom she left when she discovered he was married. However, they remained fascinated with each other, as Lissie never appeared the same in any of her photographs. She eventually realized that the different women in the pictures represented all the women she had been across lifetimes. She points out to Suwelo the picture of what she looked like when she lived with the cousins. It is the happiest-looking picture, featuring a pygmy woman.

Suwelo spends more than two months at Rafe’s house, listening to Hal’s and Lissie’s stories. Hal tells him about how Fanny decided they should get married shortly after Hal was enlisted for the war. They spent their wedding night together, and Hal left the next morning. He was sent back home soon after because of his poor vision, and by that time Lissie was pregnant. Hal and Lissie spent their days together in bliss, making love whenever they could. This phase of their life ended when their daughter was born.

Lissie’s mother, Eula Mae, and grandmother, Dorcy, were supposed to help with the childbirth. Just before Lissie’s labor pains began, however, Eula Mae and Dorcy went fishing. They got into an argument and ended up throwing the oars away. As a result, they were stuck out on the water the rest of the day. Lissie’s labor progressed, and with no sight of her mother and grandmother, Hal was forced to help deliver the baby. Although he did so successfully, he was terrified to see the pain Lissie went through, and he decided that he never wanted her to experience that pain again. All his sexual desire for her or any other woman died in that moment.

Hal and Lissie named their daughter Lulu, as that was one of Lissie’s names from a past life. She went on to have four more children—one with the photographer, one with another lover, and two with Rafe—but they all died young. Lissie noticed Hal’s lack of desire shortly after Lulu’s birth, which made her angry, and she ran off with the photographer. She returned pregnant with his child and discovered he was married. Hal assisted with the birth, as he eventually did with all her children, but little Jack died as a baby. Grief-stricken, Lissie and Hal left the Island. They took up Rafe’s offer to live with him in his new house in Baltimore.

Between Hal’s job selling produce and fish door-to-door, Rafe’s porter job, and Lissie’s sewing and domestic work, the three of them managed to live comfortably. Hal and Rafe had a special friendship, Lissie liked Rafe very much, and Rafe adored both Lulu and Lissie. Hal thought it was inevitable for Rafe and Lissie to become romantically involved and was not bothered when Lissie and Rafe had a son together, despite the neighborhood gossip.

Hal also tells Suwelo about his own father, David, who had a deeply-rooted anti-gay bias, and had explained why to Hal on his deathbed. David grew up on a plantation owned by a white family. Their son, Heath, and David liked each other and spent plenty of time together growing up, though David always chafed at the disparity in their power dynamic.

Both men grew up and got married, and Heath and his wife came to settle in the house for good after it was passed on to him. However, he began drinking heavily, and when he was intoxicated, he expressed racist sentiments, claiming David was the exception. David’s friendship with Heath was wrought with fear and anger, and he couldn’t’ see that Heath was secretly in love with him.

One day, drunk and sobbing, Heath came up to David and embraced him from behind. Heath began to fondle David, and David physically responded to Heath’s touch. This moment changed David’s life. From then on, he hated Heath for forcing him to recognize the part of himself that enjoyed Heath’s desire for him. David turned bitter and began drinking heavily himself. He hated anything that reminded him of homosexuality from that point on, including Hal’s painting.

Lissie dreams that she is showing Suwelo her temple. She doesn’t know where it is, but it is reminiscent of Mexican pyramids, though made of mud, and has Indigenous symbols painted on the walls. Her familiar is a creature that is part bird, part fish, and part reptile. Suwelo, a white man in that lifetime, comes to have a conversation with her. The familiar’s skittering distracts Lissie, so she tries to contain it under bowls and dishes of increasing sizes. However, the familiar breaks through the container each time, eventually flying away. Lissie is left alone with Suwelo and his white people, in a world and time different than her own.

Suwelo calls Fanny, and over their conversation, he can hear strains of Arveyda’s music in the background. Suwelo recalls a time when he bought concert tickets to one of Arveyda’s shows for them, but Fanny refused to go. She was afraid of meeting the person who moved her to tears with his soul-stirring music.

Suwelo also recalls the first time he saw Carlotta, at a faculty meeting. He was struck by her constant expression of grief and betrayal. Once he learned that she had two children, was separated from her husband, and experienced racism in the Women’s Studies Department of the university, he thought he understood her grief. However, he never actually asked her about it, even when they began their affair.

Suwelo finally tells Hal and Lissie a story of his own: He recounts a conversation between Fanny and himself where they discussed divorce. Fanny had been wanting one for months, not because she didn’t love or want to be with him, but because she wanted to be free. She promised Suwelo that he would easily find another woman but worried his new wife would be jealous of Fanny, as she didn’t want to stop seeing Suwelo. Despite Fanny’s assertions that it was only marriage, not him, that she didn’t want, he still feels abandoned and rejected.