The Unhoneymooners

Ami is Olive’s identical twin sister. Olive reflects, “We are both five feet four with dark hair that misbehaves when there’s even a hint of humidity, deep brown eyes, upturned noses, and matching constellations of freckles, but that’s where the similarities end” (5). Ami works as a hematology nurse and is extremely organized and competent, assigning her entire bridal party complex tasks. Ethan declares, “Ami has this indescribable confidence, like, no matter what happens, she’s got her shit together enough for the both of you” (99). Like Olive, she is extremely competitive, and her competition of choice is winning contests that come with prizes. This reaches a comedic apex with the bridesmaids’ dresses for the wedding which she “won in the raffle at Valley Baptist” and she asks Olive to focus on the economy of the decision rather than the lime green dress (8). When she, Dane, and all the guests at her reception all fall ill, she insists Olive take her honeymoon to Hawaii, as it is also a contest prize and cannot be rescheduled.

Ami tries to gently suggest to Olive that she has misjudged Ethan and is surprised when they return from Hawaii a couple. Like Olive, she shows herself to be loyal since she refuses to accept the idea that Dane is unfaithful. She tells Olive to stop blaming everything on fate and accept responsibility for her choices. Though she speaks in anger, her words do remind Olive that the journey away from ceaseless pessimism she began in Hawaii is worth taking. Ami eventually investigates Olive’s suspicions and asks for her help and support as she unmasks Dane’s infidelity. She unhesitatingly tells Olive to embrace her relationship with Ethan even after her decision to divorce Dane, forgiving him for supporting his brother and recognizing that the two of them belong together. By the end of the novel, Ami is in a new mutually supportive relationship, so both sisters have fulfilling happy lives, and Olive no longer compares herself to Ami.

Dane’s older brother, Ethan is serious, cerebral, and witty. Olive immediately notices his good looks, especially his curly hair and blue eyes. Like Olive, Ethan is forthright and opinionated. For example, he refuses to eat the buffet at Ami’s wedding because of his concerns about bacteria. This insistence is what saves him from getting ill along with everyone else, freeing him to attend Dane’s honeymoon in his place.

The trip is what first makes Olive realize Ethan is nothing like his brother, as she realizes his fear of flying makes it unlikely he has been the one planning adventure trips with Dane that take him away from events Ami had planned for the two of them. Ethan is self-aware and introspective, as he says of his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, “I realize I need someone I can talk to, and she doesn’t like to go too deep” (175). Ethan is also able to laugh at himself, as when he and Olive wind up in a half-naked heap in the bathroom on their scuba boating expedition.

Like Olive, Ethan has a competitive streak, exemplified by his determination to show his ex-girlfriend that he is over her and to beat surly teenagers at paintball. Ethan and Olive each seek fulfilling and intellectually demanding work. Ethan tells her that he appreciates that his work in marketing lets him spend his time “geeking out about numbers and data” (186). The two occupy a similar emotional wavelength, since in addition to their preference for honesty and conversation, they are both loyal siblings. Ethan refuses to countenance the idea that Dane could be a dishonest and unfaithful partner, and he hopes to persuade Olive to stay out of Ami and Dane’s marriage. Ethan tries to persuade Olive that she and Dane are both at fault for their strained relationship, refusing to believe his married brother would proposition his girlfriend.

As Olive puts it, despairingly, “we all know he is on the Dane Train until the end of the tracks”(353). By the end of the novel, after Dane’s betrayal is revealed, Ethan recognizes that he owed Olive more loyalty than that. While he respects her choice to ignore his texts, he ultimately enlists her entire family in a public declaration of love, knowing she will recognize it as the commitment it is. Like Olive, Ethan rediscovers his capacity for love in Hawaii, and ultimately chooses to bring that change back to his ordinary life in Minneapolis. Far from the inflexible person he seems to be at the novel’s opening, by the epilogue he is overjoyed by Olive’s decision to propose to him, accepting that the ideal moment is the one they have made together.

Ethan’s younger brother, Olive describes Dane as a “dudebro” (2). To illustrate this, Olive later reflects that if Dane had decorated his house with Ami, it would be dominated by “a lot of Vikings purple, dart boards, and maybe some hipster leather couches and a craft cocktail cart that he’d never use” (356). Olive first begins to suspect Dane is not merely shallow, but fundamentally dishonest, when she learns that Dane discouraged Ethan from getting to know her romantically. Olive wonders, “what if he didn’t want me in his business, knowing that he was the one planning all these trips, that he was seeing other women, and God knows what else?” (232).

After their return from Hawaii, Dane seems visibly anxious to find Olive and Ethan are together, which Olive later confirms is because she may now know about his history of dating other women while ostensibly committed to Ami. He makes a crude remark to Ethan that they could “trade twins sometime” and makes a similar proposal to Olive, to her disgust (283). Ami later reflects that Ethan is the “good brother” (357). His primary function in the text is to promote conflict between the main characters, and showcase Ethan’s moral dilemma about who to trust, him or Olive.