Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots

Bubby (Deborah’s grandmother), Zeidy (Deborah’s grandfather), and Aunt Chaya are Deborah’s sources of parental guidance in place of her mother and father. As representatives of the Satmar community, they instill Hasidic values into Deborah at a young age. Bubby is from a Hungarian Jewish family but very little is known about her past, other than that her family was killed in concentration camps in Europe. She is well-liked by both Deborah and Rachel and is non-judgmental of her sons, both of whom suffer from mental health problems. She spends most of her time cooking; in fact, Deborah recalls feeling safe in the kitchen as they cooked together.

Zeidy is the patriarch of the family. Considered both a scholar and a businessman, he is frugal with money and traditional in his views. In particular, he does not approve of reading or using English, so Deborah must keep her English books a secret. Additionally, he worries about what the community thinks of his son Baruch whom he locked up during his mental breakdown rather than seeking appropriate support. Although Deborah respects Zeidy, she is also skeptical. She does not mention her sexual assault to him for fear that he will judge her.

Aunt Chaya is the primary supporter of Deborah in the period before her marriage. While Deborah was a young girl, she found Aunt Chaya to be judgmental and uninterested in her life. After the proposal, Aunt Chaya assumes the “motherly” role by taking her to her first mikvah and finding a suitable wedding dress. Deborah notes ironically that although she does not particularly like her aunt, Aunt Chaya has helped her find the control she needed to take in her life.

These three characters exemplify the memoir’s theme of Persistence of Tradition. Although Bubby, Zeidy, and Aunt Chaya sometime experience friction with the Satmar community, they never question its values, traditions, or institutions. Even though they live in New York City, one of the most diverse places in the world, they never consider the possibility that other beliefs and ways of life might have value. Nor do they compare their community to others except to find fault with other groups in the city. While New York is famous as a global “melting pot,” Deborah’s community fiercely isolates itself and preserves its traditions from outside influence.

Eli is Deborah’s husband. They met as a part of a matchmaking process that is typical in her community. Initially, Deborah is attracted to Eli’s good looks and his charm, and she believes they will have an adventurous life together; however, shortly after they are married, he betrays her trust as he reveals to his father that he and Deborah were unable to consummate the marriage on their wedding night. From this point on, Deborah struggles with trusting Eli. When the couple encounters sexual difficulties, he withdraws from Deborah as opposed to supporting her through the difficulties in the relationship. Although they remain together initially, Eli is more focused on having sex and children than the well-being of their relationship.

Ultimately, Eli is crucial in the development of Deborah’s identity. He is a reminder that marriage does not meet her expectations for it, and her relationship with him is a turning point in her choices. Eventually, the couple moves from Williamsburg to Airmont, where she gives birth to their son, Yitzy. Eli is mostly concerned with Deborah’s ability to perform household duties, meet his sexual needs, and raise their son. He is largely unaware of her secret life, assuming that she is attending business school as well as the mikvah. He ultimately suggests divorce when they attend marriage counseling after her car accident.