What If It's Us

Arthur is very nervous about the date, having brushed his teeth six times. He’s been wondering where they’re going. His parents begin to bicker over whether or not he should tuck in his shirt, and he leaves.

Ben arrives in Times Square 11 minutes late and finds Arthur. Their first interaction is awkward, made only more so by Arthur mentioning that he thought the green M&M attractive. He then confesses it’s his first date ever.

Ben notices that Arthur laughs differently than Hudson, which he likes. He then takes Arthur to Dave & Buster’s. He pays for his own power card, and then Arthur does as well. Ben also remembers going there with Hudson and wonders if he’ll be able to make new memories here with Arthur.

As they play games, Arthur discovers that Ben also looked for him on Missed Connections. Eventually, they end up at the claw machine, and Ben suggests that whatever jewelry they pull, the other person has to wear. He’s surprised when Arthur gets him a large necklace. When Arthur goes to put it on him, Ben feels like kissing him will be awkward because of his height difference, especially since he and Hudson had been even.

As they look out at Times Square, Arthur feels like he’s “being an obvious New York noob” (164). He explains how he feels New York is magical and how it brought them together. He misses Georgia, but he’s trying to enjoy being there.

They play a game with zombies that requires them to work together. As they play, they talk about coming out, and Ben feels grateful that Dylan accepted his sexuality after Arthur explains that Ethan has been weird. Arthur pulls Ben into a photo booth, and Ben thinks that they’re cute together. Arthur, though, brings up that he looks happier in the photos than Ben and offers him a way out if he doesn’t want to continue the date. Ben explains that he knows he wasn’t fully present and was the problem. He suggests doing a do-over date but thinks Arthur should plan it. They shake on it.

Arthur really likes Ben and has started to think about the possibility of being in a relationship with him. He discusses this with his dad, who reminds him that Ben must also like him if they’re going out again.

On Monday, Ben meets Arthur at Café Arvin, which the latter found recommended on Yelp. When he opens the menu, he becomes anxious, feeling overwhelmed by how expensive everything is. Arthur tells him it’s his treat, but Ben feels weird because his family isn’t wealthy.

Their conversation is interrupted when Ansel Elgort walks in, and Arthur recognizes the actor. He goes to talk to him and mentions that his friend Jessie is a big fan. When he returns, Ben points out that the man probably wasn’t Ansel Elgort. Then, the waiter drops off a drink to Ben, pointing out that the man Arthur thought was Elgort bought it for him. Arthur is surprised when Ben starts to drink it, but then Elgort comes over to ask for Ben’s number, thinking that Ben is Jessie. Arthur asks, “Did you just buy my underage date an alcoholic beverage and then ask for his number?” (180). The other man corrects Arthur, revealing that he is Jake, not the actor. Then, the manager comes over to ID Ben. Arthur apologizes, and they leave.

They end up getting two-dollar hotdogs, and when Ben mentions his worry about getting ketchup breath, he blushes, and Arthur realizes that he’s thinking about kissing him. They walk down the sidewalk and tell each other their last names, agreeing to another do-over.

Arthur follows Ben on Instagram on July 17 while Ben is at Dylan’s. He scrolls through Arthur’s Instagram and finds that Arthur’s home in Georgia is nicer than he thought it would be. He worries about Arthur visiting his home. Meanwhile, Dylan receives a text from Samantha and shows it to Ben. She explains that his calling her his “future wife” made her panic, but she’d like to see him again.

The next day, Ben and Arthur walk in Central Park. Ben plans to kiss Arthur and thinks about how he wants to get to know Arthur, though he’s worried since Arthur is leaving at the end of the summer.

They walk up the steps to Belvedere Castle, and Ben admits that he came to the park to find Arthur. However, Arthur seems down and explains that he saw a picture of Ben and Hudson at Dave & Buster’s. He wonders if Ben brought Hudson here, too. Ben tells him he’ll answer any of Arthur’s questions. He also mentions that if he had never dated Hudson, they never would’ve broken up, and he would never have met Arthur, but this doesn’t reassure the other boy.

Arthur is frustrated that he can’t stop thinking about Ben being with Hudson, but he points out that Ben’s Instagram “is basically a shrine to another guy” (194). He asks why they broke up, and Ben recounts how Hudson thought they’d broken up, even though they’d just had a fight, and that he had cheated on Ben. By the end of the conversation, Ben now seems uncomfortable.

The next day, Arthur texts Ethan and Jessie, feeling like he ruined his chance at a relationship with Ben. Jessie suggests that he should ask Ben out. She doesn’t think he should give up. On the subway ride home, Arthur texts Ben, apologizing for asking about Hudson and revealing his jealousy. He asks to go out again, and Ben quickly responds that he would like a do-over. A second text from Ben adds that he’s hanging out with Dylan and Samantha tonight and invites Arthur to join them for karaoke.

Ben reminds Dylan not to talk about Hudson and summer school, wanting to tell Arthur himself in his own time.

At karaoke, Ben is nervous and sends Dylan—who looks over 21—to get them drinks. He is unsuccessful. Dylan and Samantha sing two songs, and Arthur suggests singing something together. Ben defers, and Samantha offers to sing with him, apologizing for sending Ben to the Yale meetup. Arthur then talks about college and how he would’ve gone if he’d known about it, even though he still has one more year of high school. He stops when he sees Ben looking down, clearly unsure about why Arthur would want to be with him.

They go out into the hallway, and Arthur apologizes. Ben stops him, explaining that he isn’t a good student and is in summer school. Arthur says that it doesn’t matter and that he almost went himself before he was diagnosed with ADHD. They apologize again and go back inside.

Arthur then sings “Ben” by Michael Jackson, which is charming to Ben. Then Dylan reveals that it’s about a rat. Arthur feels awkward, but Ben thanks him for the song. He also gets up and chooses a song for all of them to sing together.

Samantha and Dylan tell Arthur it was nice to meet him, and the two couples separate. Arthur also notices how much Dylan and Ben touch each other.

They walk around, and Arthur tells Ben about Ethan and Jessie. Showing him pictures of them, he says that he looks nerdy in comparison, and Ben says that he likes nerds. They hold hands, and Arthur wonders if Ben likes him since Ben seems out of it. When Ben replies that karaoke isn’t his “thing,” Arthur retorts that if Ben liked him, maybe it wouldn’t matter. Ben pulls him up to walk, not wanting to look at him, and Arthur worries that he’s too awkward for him. Ben quickly tells him there’s nothing wrong with him. He explains that he feels pressure because Arthur hasn’t been with anyone, and he doesn’t want to ruin Arthur’s firsts. When Arthur starts to talk again, however, Ben kisses him. They kiss again and again, and Arthur learns not to worry about it, joking about “infinite do-overs” (221).

At home on the same night, Ben calls Arthur, happy to listen to him ramble. He admits he’s never seen Hamilton, and Arthur hangs up, texting that he’s “speechless” (223). Ben agrees to listen to it, and Arthur calls him back.

Ben then talks about his novel, thinking about how he wants to be with someone who likes the same things he does, especially since Hudson didn’t. Arthur wants to read the book, and the two agree that Ben will listen to Hamilton and Arthur will read the book.

They spend the next few hours texting about what they’re enjoying about the other’s recommendation. Arthur finishes first, but Ben still has more to listen to in Hamilton. Arthur agrees to listen to it with him. At the end, Ben says that he’s a fan. They agree to go out again the next day.

On Saturday, Ben gets ready to see Arthur when Dylan FaceTimes him. Samantha works until six, so Dylan suggests hanging out with the couple. Ben replies that he’d like some one-on-one time with Arthur, pointing out that Dylan only wants to hang out with him because Samantha is busy. Dylan doesn’t see anything wrong with that, and Ben changes the subject by emphasizing that he wants to see where things go with Arthur and is trying to be in the moment since he doesn’t know what will happen when Arthur goes home.

He is still thinking about this when he’s out with Arthur, who asks him if he would go to the past or the future if he could time travel. Ben would rather go to the past to get the winning lottery number for his mom. Arthur would go to the future.

They eat churros when Arthur comments that he keeps forgetting that Ben is Puerto Rican because he can pass for white and doesn’t speak Spanish. This makes Ben freeze, wondering how Arthur could be so insensitive. However, he talks about how he used to wish that Alejo was easier to pronounce and that Puerto Ricans come in various shades. He adds that not every Puerto Rican likes churros or speaks Spanish. Then, Arthur says that he’d like to rewind time, and he apologizes.

They ride the subway, curling up together since they know it’ll be a long ride. Then, someone kicks his foot, and Ben opens his eyes. The man says he doesn’t need to see Ben and Arthur cuddling, especially with his son there. Ben challenges, saying that he’s with his date. Arthur calms the fight, and the man ultimately says he won’t do anything in front of his son.

Arthur starts crying, and they get off the train. He’s surprised that something like this would happen in New York. Three trains pass before Arthur is ready to get back on the subway, still afraid that someone will threaten them again. This one is crowded, and Arthur feels the packed car will provide protection. He holds Ben’s hand the whole way home.

The two boys arrive at Arthur’s home, and Arthur realizes that Ben is nervous. He’s not sure why he suggested it, but he feels rattled after their experience on the train. He doesn’t want to say goodnight.

When he opens the door, Arthur is surprised to find his parents getting along and sitting on the couch together. Their conversation becomes awkward when Mara brings up internships, but Ben eventually explains that he’s in summer school. When Arthur mentions that Ben is also a writer, his father says he’s always wanted to write a novel, leading Mara to chastise him for not applying for jobs.

Arthur interrupts, offering to walk Ben to the elevator. He apologizes and explains that he constantly feels like his parents are going to sit him down and explain that they’re getting a divorce. Ben replies that his parents can also be uncomfortable, and Arthur is elated that Ben wants him to meet his parents.

Then, Ben starts to confess that Hudson is also in summer school, but Arthur derails the conversation, thinking that Hudson has teased Ben about it. He calls Ben smart, and they kiss. When Arthur returns upstairs, Jessie texts to see if she, Ethan, and Arthur can FaceTime. Arthur assumes that they want to talk because he’s too obsessed with Ben, and before they can say anything else, Ben texts him to ask if his family wants to come over for dinner, calling Ben his “awesome new boyfriend” (255). A second text arrives saying that they don’t have to label it.

Seeing how Arthur is reeling, Jessie tells him they’ll talk later. They hang up, and Arthur affirms that he and Ben are boyfriends.

On Sunday, July 22, Ben cleans furiously until Arthur and his parents arrive. Their parents introduce themselves to one another. Arthur studies everything, and Ben is proud of how they have filled their home. He doesn’t worry that he’s going to be judged anymore.

They have dinner together, and Ben is pleased that he didn’t ask his parents not to make traditional Puerto Rican food. He wants Arthur to learn more about him. Isabel talks about how much she loves cooking, and the parents discuss their professions. Diego explains that working at Duane Reade has provided what they need and that “anything else would be extra” (263). Ben thinks a lot about the “extra” and knows Arthur’s family doesn’t have to worry about it as much. When it comes to Arthur’s father, he explains that he’s out of work and that he’s hoping to be hired at the company he’s been consulting with.

Then, they all exchange embarrassing stories about Ben and Arthur, mortifying them. Eventually, the boys make their escape to Ben’s room. Arthur compliments Ben’s home for feeling like a home rather than a house. Just as Ben starts to think about sex, they’re summoned back to the table. They have a great rest of the night, and Ben is thankful for how their two families seem to come together. After they leave, Isabel compliments Arthur and his family, and then asks what happens after Arthur returns home. Ben responds that he’s trying to get to know him while he’s here.