What If It's Us

Ben is disappointed in himself and tries to make it up to Arthur by publicly singing the first song of Hamilton to him. Arthur then sings a song from Dear Evan Hansen. They take turns singing Broadway songs to each another, and when they’re done, Ben apologizes. Arthur replies that this was better than Hamilton.

On Friday, Jessie texts to see if Arthur is free, but he’s on his way to meet Ben. He feels it’s his fault they haven’t been able to talk, but Jessie says it’s okay and then changes the conversation to ask if Ben and Arthur are going to sleep together.

Ben meets him—on time—at the station and gives him a tour of his neighborhood. Arthur enjoys seeing Ben’s world. When they arrive at Ben’s apartment, his parents are gone, playing poker at their neighbor’s. Arthur is nervous, and they sit down on the bed. Ben then shows him his laptop, where he’s made a computerized version of Arthur in The Sims.

Then, the mood shifts, and as they start to get intimate, Arthur admits that he’s panicking, worrying that he won’t be good at sex. Ben reassures him, telling him it’s okay if he isn’t ready. Arthur admits that he really likes Ben and that Ben makes him want to stay in New York. Ben adds that he also wants that and feels very serious about Arthur.

On Monday, Ben thinks about how much better summer has gotten since he met Arthur. He also starts to plan for Arthur’s birthday. He’s planning on writing him into his novel.

He has 10 minutes left in summer school for the day, and as the rain starts, the teacher ends class early. Hudson comes over to talk to Ben. He wants to be friends. Ben agrees that they can hang out. Ben also stops his teacher on the way out to check on his progress. The teacher urges him to spend extra time studying.

Having left work early, Arthur awaits Ben, but Hudson calls him over. Arthur is furious, wondering if Ben has been cheating on him. Ben insists this is the first time they planned to hang out. Ben admits he should’ve said something but then tries to claim that Arthur doesn’t trust him. He says it’s understandable since they’ve only known each other for a month. He doesn’t know the point of their relationship since Arthur is leaving in a week.

Arthur asks if Ben ever sent the box of Hudson’s possessions to him. When Ben doesn’t respond, Arthur says that they’re over. He leaves.

Arthur is soaking wet and feeling betrayed. Jessie FaceTimes him as he walks home, and Arthur finds a nearby apartment building to sit and answer. Jessie reveals that she and Ethan are dating and have been since prom. Arthur is upset that they’ve kept it from him since prom. When Jessie tries to explain that they tried but Arthur was talking about Ben, Arthur takes insult, feeling like they’re using his relationship as an excuse. Then, he mentions that he and Ben broke up but doesn’t go into detail.

Jessie adds that Arthur came out to them shortly after she and Ethan started dating. When Ethan says, “We didn’t want to ruin your moment,” Arthur rounds on him, accusing him of acting strange ever since he came out and not responding to any of his texts outside the group chat (310). Trying to back up Ethan’s assertion that he has no problem with Arthur’s sexuality, Jessie says they’ve always known Arthur was gay, which only makes Arthur madder. Ethan adds that he didn’t know what to say, and it felt like lying since they hadn’t told him. Even when Jessie tries to tell Arthur he’s right, he doesn’t want to hear it. He hangs up.

On July 31, Ben, Dylan, and Samantha watch the Harry Potter films. Ben is distraught, still thinking about Arthur. He feels the universe is working against them and that no relationships last. Out loud, he says this includes Dylan and Samantha’s relationship. Samantha steps out of the room, and Dylan chastises him. Ben points out that Dylan has done this with women before. Ben leaves, saying he’ll talk to Dylan when his relationship ends.

Feeling like he has pushed everyone away, Ben decides to go see Hudson. When he does, he hugs him and cries.

On August 1, Arthur stays home from work, pretending to be sick. His mom leaves the next day for a work trip, and his father is away at a job interview. His birthday is in a few days, and he’ll be alone. He’s rueful that he could’ve spent the whole time with Ben, but now, he’ll be alone.

Mara tries to talk to him about his break-up and says that she and his father are worried. He tells her that she doesn’t have to lie to him and that she should tell him that they want a divorce. She calls his dad and puts him on speaker, and they emphasize they aren’t getting divorced and that things aren’t perfect even when people are married. Mara suggests that maybe he should give Ben another chance.

Ben hangs out with Hudson and Harriett, feeling like he has fallen back into step. Hudson is just being his friend. Harriett emphasizes that they missed him and that they should be friends again. Ben confides that he wants to have a chance to explain to Arthur. He feels like life might sometimes let people pop in and out of your life, and he feels like he’s starting to get a do-over.

On August 3, Arthur is back at work. Namrata and Juliet talk about a party happening the next day. Arthur tries to get himself invited, but Juliet points out that he’s underage and that it would put their jobs at risk.

Ben studies with Hudson on August 4. He explains that it’s Arthur’s birthday. Hudson thinks Ben should text Arthur. When Ben replies that he feels he’s predisposed to making mistakes, he mentions the box of Hudson’s belongings and explains its background. He admits that he was holding out hope. Hudson says he’s happy to hear that and leans in to kiss Ben, but then Samantha texts Ben from Dylan’s phone, saying Dylan is in the hospital.

On the way to the hospital, the train stops underground. Ben texts Arthur, explaining what’s happening, wishing him a happy birthday, and mentioning that Arthur is the only person he wants to talk to. They start texting, and Arthur agrees to keep texting because Ben is stressed. He asks what happened with Dylan, and Ben shares that he said relationships never last. He explains that he just said it because he was sad and should’ve done things differently with Arthur. Then, he admits that he’s been hanging out with Harriett and Hudson and that Hudson tried to make a move, but he’s only interested in Arthur. He asks if Arthur believes him, and Arthur says he does.  

The train arrives at the station, and Samantha reveals it was a false alarm. Dylan had a panic attack. Ben apologizes for what he said and says that he thinks Dylan does care about her. They go in to see Dylan, and when he notices Ben smiling at his phone, he asks for an update. When Ben explains that he and Arthur are texting again, Dylan and Samantha tell him to go see Arthur. As he leaves, he asks if he can meet Arthur somewhere. However, he’s already at the hospital waiting for him.