What You Are Looking For Is in the Library

In December, 40-year-old Natsumi Sakitani rereads a passage from a book she’s read many times and thinks about the past months of her life. In August, Natsumi was still working in the publisher Banyusha’s information resources department (120). She’d been working the clerical job for two years, but still didn’t feel comfortable with her coworkers in the department. She used to work as an editor for Banyusha’s young women’s magazine Mila. She’d had the position for 13 years and loved the job. When she was 37, she got pregnant and took four months of maternity leave, although she was “entitled to fourteen months” (121). She was eager to return to work and didn’t want to lose her position. However, when she returned, her boss transferred her out of Mila, because she didn’t think Natsumi could fulfill the editor responsibilities and raise her baby. The new job let her work more regular hours, but Natsumi missed Mila.

One day, Natsumi finished work and went to pick up Futaba from daycare. Her husband Shuji had a job, too, and often worked long hours and traveled for business. Natsumi had to take care of the house and Futaba when he was away. She loved Futaba, but felt tired and overwhelmed without help.

Natsumi helped Shuji get out of the house for another trip. She took care of Futaba, urged her to clean up her toys, and wondered what to do with her daughter alone all weekend. Desperate to get out of the house, she decided to take Futaba to Hatori Community House, where she’d heard they had a kids’ room.

Natsumi and Futaba played in Hatori’s kids’ space. The library attendant, Nozomi, joined them when she heard Futaba talking about Barefoot Gerob, a children’s book about a centipede. Nozomi told Natsumi about her desire to become a librarian and her ambitions since college. Natsumi remembered her own life after college and former dreams of making books as an editor (132). She was most happy at Mila when she’d helped the author Mizue Kanata serialize her novel The Pink Plane Tree in the magazine. At first, the Mila team doubted the project, but the novel did well and later went to print. Mizue’s story appealed to many readers, and Natsumi had loved working with her. She felt frustrated remembering this time, as she was neither satisfied at work or at home now (135).

Nozomi offered to watch Futaba so Natsumi could explore the library. She visited Komachi at the reference desk, where she was working on a felting project. The women got to chatting about motherhood and children, and Komachi gave her some book recommendations, including Door to the Moon. She also gave Natsumi a felted globe. Afterward, Natsumi flipped through Door to the Moon, surprised by the book’s ideas about astrology and motherhood (143).

Natsumi tried reading Door to the Moon on the weekend, but didn’t have any alone time until her train ride on Monday morning. At work, Natsumi’s Mila replacement Kizawa visited Natsumi’s office. She seemed tired, but Natsumi didn’t feel bad for her as she still wanted Kizawa’s job. Then Kizawa asked Natsumi if she would attend Mizue’s upcoming talk on her behalf, because she didn’t have time. Natsumi enthusiastically agreed.

Natsumi spent the following days trying to read Mizue’s newest novel in preparation for the talk. She was busy with Futaba because Shuji still wasn’t home, and struggled to get through the book. On the morning of the talk, Futaba woke up with a cold. Natsumi hoped she wasn’t sick, because she didn’t want to miss Mizue. However, the daycare called her not long later saying Futaba had a fever. Natsumi considered ignoring the call, but felt too guilty. She told Kizawa she couldn’t attend the talk and went to collect Futaba, who seemed much better.

Natsumi messaged Mizue an apology, but Mizue was understanding and suggested they meet up some other time. Natsumi felt tired, although she’d never felt this way at Mila. Later that night, Shuji returned home late after going out for drinks with coworkers. The couple got into an argument about childcare, but Shuji wasn’t sympathetic. He didn’t understand why Natsumi was so tired, and insisted that he couldn’t forsake his work duties because he needed a promotion. Their arguing woke Futaba, and Natsumi felt guilty.

Natsumi and Mizue met up for lunch. Mizue thanked Natsumi for all of her help with The Pink Plane Tree (160). Natsumi voiced her frustrations with being a mom and not working at Mila anymore. Mizue encouraged her, as she had children of her own. Natsumi felt better afterward. She found time to read Door to the Moon, too. She thought about what she’d read, studied the felted globe, and considered what she should do next with her life (165). She realized that she wanted to help people make books. Online, she found a posting for a Cherry Peach Books editing position and applied.

On Saturday, she visited the library and thanked Komachi for her help and recommendations. They talked about love, life, careers, and life’s unexpectedness.

Natsumi, Shuji, and Futaba visited Eden for household goods. Natsumi ran into Kiriyama, who she’d worked with during her time at Mila. Kiriyama thanked Natsumi for her work on The Pink Plane Tree, as he loved the book. Natsumi then told him about Cherry Peach and her plans to switch jobs. Shortly thereafter, however, she received a rejection letter from Cherry Peach. She felt discouraged and didn’t know what to do. Finally, she opened up to Shuji about what she was going through and together they made new arrangements to split the household and childcare duties. Not long later, Kiriyama called Natsumi to tell her about a job opening at Maple Publications where his friend worked.

Natsumi has been working as an editor at Maple Publications ever since. She has helped many writers bring their dreams to life. She often rereads Door to the Moon, and remembers its many lessons. Maple has a better atmosphere than Mila did, too, because Natsumi can still be a mom and an editor. Many women on the team have kids, and they use their kids as resources when publishing children’s books.