Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

George is alone onstage, and Nick enters after tending to Honey. Nick apologizes that she is delicate and gets sick easily, and Martha is in the kitchen making coffee for her. Nick uses vague pronouns for the women, and George responds as if Nick meant Martha, and Nick explains, “Your wife is Martha” (89). George mentions the fighting that Nick witnessed in the first act, and Nick remarks that he finds it inappropriate and embarrassing in front of guests. George mocks him and Nick bristles but admits that he is impressed with how accurately George and Martha strike at each other.

Nick says that Honey vomits frequently and divulges that he married her because they thought she was pregnant. Afterwards, however, it turned out to be a hysterical pregnancy, and her symptoms stopped. George offers Nick more bourbon, which leads him to tell Nick about a time when he was 16 and had gone to New York with friends during the Prohibition era. One boy in their group was 15, and George mentions nonchalantly that he had accidentally killed his mother with a shotgun a few years before. The boy had ordered “bergin” (94) rather than bourbon, and that had turned into a celebrated inside joke at the club and had earned them free drinks. George calls it “the grandest day of my… youth” (95).

Nick wants to know what became of the boy, and George proceeds to explain that a year later, the boy had his learner’s permit and had been driving on a back road with his father as a passenger. A porcupine in the road caused him to swerve and hit a tree. The boy woke in the hospital to learn that his father had died, and he had begun to laugh hysterically until he was sedated. He had then spent the next 30 years silent in a mental hospital.

George shouts for Martha, and Nick reminds him that she’s making coffee. George remarks that aging is one of the saddest aspects of humanity, but that the insane don’t really age. George remarks that Martha doesn’t have hysterical pregnancies or any pregnancies at all, which Nick assumes means that she has reached menopause. Nick brings up George’s son, and George replies that “he’s a…comfort, a bean bag” (98). Nick is baffled, but George won’t properly explain, which irks Nick, and he apologizes because the evening has put him on edge. George states that he wants to clarify Martha’s earlier story, but Martha interrupts. She says that she and Honey are drinking coffee and urges Nick to “just stay here and listen to George’s side of things. Bore yourself to death” (101). George and Martha trade insults in French, and Martha exits.

George notes that marrying a seemingly pregnant woman must have made their marriage simpler, as opposed to George’s marriage. George guesses that Honey has family money, and Nick hesitantly admits that she does. George is pleased at having guessed correctly, and Nick explains that they had known each other since childhood, when they had played doctor with each other. Nick confesses that their marriage had never been especially passionate.

George asks about Honey’s money, teasing, “I’m fascinated by the methodology…by the pragmatic accommodation by which you wave-of-the-future boys are going to take over” (107). Nick pushes back against the ribbing, and George adds that Martha has money, which her father acquired by “robbing this place blind for years” (107). Nick refuses to believe this, and George doesn’t argue. Nick explains that Honey’s father had been a preacher who had become very well-known. When he died, he had left Honey a lot of money, but Nick insists this money had not been siphoned from the church.

George tells Nick that Martha’s money came from a wealthy stepmother with warts who had married her father and then died shortly after. George and Nick giggle about the story, and then Nick remarks that Martha hasn’t said anything about a stepmother. George thinks and agrees that it might not be true. They joke about the hysterical pregnancy, and George notes that he is only interested in eliciting Nick’s life story because he sees him as a threat, which Nick accepts. Bantering, Nick describes his plans to take over the university by stealing some classes and having sex with the wives of important faculty members.

George compares the women to a bunch of geese, which Nick corrects as a “gangle of geese,” and which George corrects in turn as “gaggle” (113). Nick remarks that Martha is certainly the most important goose. George replies, “You bet your historical inevitability she is!” (114) Nick jokes about mounting her, and George agrees that he should. George becomes serious and tries to give Nick advice about how the university will pull him down like quicksand and gets angry when Nick dismisses him, exclaiming with sudden vitriol, “UP YOURS!” (116) George laments that all the building and art in society has evolved to such an ineloquent statement.

Martha enters with Honey, who is pale and shaky. Martha demands that George apologize for making Honey ill, but Honey protests that she often becomes ill with no help from anyone else. Honey mentions a case of appendicitis right before she was married that turned out not to be appendicitis. George and Nick share a meaningful look. Martha mentions that their son used to vomit because George made him sick, and George retorts that he vomited because he couldn’t stand Martha’s drunken attention. They argue about their son’s behavior, each accusing the other of lying.

George suggests that they should only discuss this when they’re alone. Martha exclaims, “We’re alone!” (121), and George reminds her of their guests. Martha turns her lascivious attention toward Nick. Honey asks for more brandy, and Nick tries to stop her, but Honey becomes annoyed, and they fight tersely. George gives her the drink. Martha slyly mentions “bergin” (123), and George snaps at her to be quiet. Martha wants to know if George had told Nick everything about how her father had stopped George from publishing his book, but George says that he didn’t and pleads with her to stop.

Honey pipes up that she wants to dance. Martha wants to dance with Nick, and Honey insists that she’s happy to dance by herself. George puts the Second Movement of Beethoven’s 7th Symphony on the record player. Honey starts to do an interpretive dance, but Martha complains about the music choice, and George takes the record off. Honey protests and Nick says her name, cautioning her. Honey argues that Nick likes to ruin her fun and tells him to leave her alone.

Martha goes to put on a record, and George asks Honey, “You want to dance with me, angel-tits?” (129). Nick is shocked, but Honey just turns him down because she doesn’t want to dance unless she can do her interpretive dance. Martha puts on a jazzier song, and she pulls Nick into a close slow dance. Martha flirts, and Nick enjoys it. Honey notices that they dance like they’ve danced together before.

Martha brings up again that George usually likes to tell his side of the story, piquing Nick’s interest. Martha describes how George wrote a novel about a boy who had killed both of his parents and pretended that it was by accident, and her father refused to allow him to publish it while working at the university. Throughout the story, George pleads and demands that Martha stop. Angrily, George grabs the record from the player, and Nick confronts him. Honey cheers, “Violence! Violence!” (135). As George shouts at her, Martha explains that George defended his novel by asserting that it was based on his real life.

George threatens to kill Martha and lunges at her, wrapping his hands around her throat. They fight while Honey cheers, “VIOLENCE! VIOLENCE!” (137). Martha continues to mock George and George insults her. Nick intervenes and they all struggle. Finally, Nick pulls George off Martha. George lands on the floor, and Nick and Martha stand over him. Martha rubs her throat. Martha, in a soft voice, calls George a murderer, drawing out the word.

Brightly, George suggests that they play a new game, since they’ve completed the game of “Humiliate the Host” (138). For their next game, he proposes, “Hump the Hostess” (139). Honey cheers, repeating the title of the game excitedly. Nick tells her to shut up, and she is instantly upset. Clapping his hands, George announces that since apparently “Hump the Hostess” is for later, they should play “Get the Guests” (140). Honey and Nick tell him to stop, and Martha expresses disgust, but George continues.

He tells the group that he wants to talk about his second novel, an allegory about a young midwestern couple, a scientist and his mousy wife who loves brandy. Nick interjects, but George goes on to describe how the couple had played doctor together as kids, and the mousy wife’s father was a preacher. Pondering, Honey says, “This is familiar…” (143). George tells them that the preacher died and left his daughter money. When the scientist moved to a small college town, he came with baggage that included his wife. Honey starts to recognize the story and become upset. Nick begs George to stop. But George adds a flashback to the reason they got married, because the mouse became “puffed up” (146), but the puffiness disappeared after the wedding.

Honey is horrified that Nick told them about the hysterical pregnancy, and Nick apologizes pleadingly. George announces, disgusted, “And that’s how you play Get the Guests” (148). Honey rushes off to be sick. Nick, shaking, admonishes George, but George is dismissive. Martha tells Nick to check on Honey and he does, warning George as he exits that he will regret it. Alone with George, Martha praises him for his effectiveness, but insults him for “pigmy-hunting” (151). George fails to see how Nick, an athletic rising-star scholar, is a “pigmy” (151).

Martha insists that what he’s done is serious, and George becomes furious that she is allowed to be as destructive as she wants, but George is a villain for doing anything. Martha exclaims, “YOU CAN STAND IT!” (152), and George shouts that he can’t. Martha shoots back, “YOU CAN STAND IT!! YOU MARRIED ME FOR IT!!” (152). George denies this, calling her sick, but Martha swears that she is tired of beating him down, and that she never wanted a marriage like this. Martha promises revenge, and George suggests that he might have her placed in a mental hospital.

Furious, Martha proclaims that the marriage has finally “snapped” (156), and that she can’t do it anymore. George doesn’t believe her, but Martha insists that at the party earlier, she had looked at George, surrounded by young men who still had promise, and it snapped. She is ready to explode. George threatens to fight back, and they declare total war. The moment is cathartic. Nick returns and tells them that Honey is resting on the bathroom floor, which she prefers to a bed because the tiles are cool. Honey has a lot of headaches and illnesses, and she often chooses to lay on the bathroom floor.

Nick asks for ice, and Martha sends George to get more, announcing flirtatiously that she and Nick would like to be alone. Understanding and unsurprised, George takes the ice bucket and exits. Martha starts rubbing Nick’s thigh seductively. Martha tells him to kiss her, and Nick is reluctant at first, but he gives in. George enters with the ice. He watches and laughs silently for a moment and then exits again. Nick reaches under her dress, and Martha pulls back, promising more later.

George announces his entrance by singing “Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf?” (165), and Martha and Nick separate. George comes in with the ice. George greets Martha with exaggerated fake sweetness and offers them fresh drinks. George comments that he saw Honey, who is curled up peacefully “like a fetus” (167), sucking her thumb in the bathroom. Uneasily, Nick says that she’s probably all right, and George heartily agrees.

George announces that he plans to sit in the chair in the corner and read a book, as he always does at four o’clock. Pointedly, George tells them to go ahead and do what they’re doing, and that he’ll just read quietly. Perplexed, Martha points out that he reads at four in the afternoon, not the morning, and not while they have guests. Again, George tells them to proceed and that he’ll just read quietly. Martha tells George that they will just amuse themselves, narrating as she and Nick kiss, and George feigns disinterest.

Drunk and flustered, Martha attempts to move into George’s sightline and accidentally brushes against the door chimes, becoming more frustrated at George’s nonchalance as she crashes into them again. Nick tells George that he has no respect for him, and George replies that Nick clearly has no respect for himself. Nick retorts, “You’re disgusting,” and George responds, “Because you’re going to hump Martha, I’m disgusting?” (172). Martha kisses Nick and sends him into the kitchen, turning on George and berating him for not caring and swearing that she’ll have sex with Nick. Martha threatens to make him sorry and follows Nick to the kitchen.

Calmly, George reads a passage from his book about the West’s inevitable fall. Then he throws the book angrily at the door chimes. Honey sleepily staggers in, talking about the repeated sound of chimes that kept her from sleeping and scared her. George pays her little attention as she talks about her frightening dream. He muses that she has no idea what has been happening.

Reaching a crescendo in her dream, Honey cries out, “I DON’T WANT…ANY…CHILDREN” (176). George nods, understanding and putting the pieces together of her frequent illnesses and headaches, asking how she managed to induce the abortions, which he calls “secret little murders” (177). Upset, Honey asks for her husband and then another drink, refusing to acknowledge the crashing sounds from the kitchen. Honey wants to know who rang the doorbell but doesn’t want to know what her husband is doing with Martha. George pontificates on how people handle things when their present situation is intolerable, adding, “And you, you simpering bitch…you don’t want children?” (178). Honey ignores this, fixated on knowing who was at the door.

George speaks slowly, contemplating how to respond and suddenly struck with the answer, telling Honey that the person at the door delivered the message that their son is dead. Honey begins to cry, and George makes her promise not to tell Martha. Honey whispers that she is going to be sick, hears the mirth in the kitchen and amends, “I’m going to die” (181) and exits. With a smirk, George practices what he will say to Martha about their son, laughing and crying at the same time.